Comfort

So tonight is all about comfort! Not the kind you might be thinking of like your favorite pair of pj pant, slippers, cotton undees, and no not even t-shirt. Comfort of being with someone.

Here are some signs when you know you have entered the comfort zone:

6) The person brings a tooth brush into your home, or you buy one for them
5) All the sudden you have coffee in your house, a coffee maker and you DO NOT drink coffee!
4) They have there own space in your dresser
3) You notice when you are alone in bed
2) You give them a key to your home
Top number one way you know:
1) The other person rips one in your presents (farts) and laughs about it!!!

So guess how I know this? Cause they have all happened! LORD

That's it, its official you are totally for sure 100% in a relationship and guess what you are and he is in fact comfortable in your presents! But really farting, what the F??? lol

Any way life is really good right now even with the farts :P I'm super happy, I'm much happier with my job because the people there are fantastic! I still love my place, coming home and smiling so wonderful. I have the sweetest little puppy that loves me more then anything in this world, so fantastic and has nipped that clock in the bud for the moment! I have a man that is fantastic! Life is amazing, life was pretty freaken fantastic before but now I'm over joyed with it all, its just all so good. The only thing that gets me down is that I miss my family like crazy these days! All I want is to go home, hug my sister, hug my nephews and give them kisses, hug my dad, hug my mom and snuggle with her on the sofa like we use to do when I was little (one of my favorite memories with my mommy).

I miss them more then words can possibly discribe, I never thought I would ever miss them all this much, when I was younger I was totally ok with being far far far away and now I'm a big baby and all I want is to see them and laugh with them and build some new memories with them, and laugh and smile and hug and can you tell yet I miss them like crazy! Part of me is really truly thinking about how I can move bakc to the home land and take my fantastic little life with me. Have not figured that out yet but I'm working on it!

Any way thats all for tonight I'm pretty cold and need to get some warmer comfy clothing on :) The kind of Comfort I totally love and enjoy, the first kind of comfort really is not all that bad ether, even the farts :)

Happy New Years!

It is officially 2010! I am looking forward to this year I think it will be one for the records. Some things I wonder about are what will become of all kinds of things. I wonder about the future and if things will work out the way I hope. Today I am taking the day to myself! Starting this year with a them of relaxation, living in the present and enjoying all the fruits of the world... and sucking the nectar out of it all.

Enjoy, love, be at peace, keep a peaceful heart, say thank you more often, hold the door for the person behind you, be clam, smile more often and most of all take the time to appreciate the people in your life be with them, love them, hug them, keep them close to you, be kind to them, and always always ALWAYS have the time for them!

Happy New Year to one and all :)

Two Parter

Part One: The creation of the dog bed.

So Yesterday I went to my friends to introduce my new puppy to her new puppy. My friend has this cute little dog bed. I think to myself Roxy (my puppy) needs a dog bed, I have a kennel but no lovely little bed.

My friend recently started swing and sent me this link to how to make dog beds.
Dog Beds



Here is my results with puppy included :)


So cute!

Part Two:

okay this is the venting part, so if you are not interested in reading something about venting move on now!

TRAFFIC:
Okay I remember thinking traffic is not that big of a deal its just people moving from here to there and so what I am clam and the master of the road. But the I think as the temperature drops and thing freeze and I believe that the average persons brain to freezes and people totally forget how to drive!

I swear it must be that but then I think about it and nope that's really not it cause people suck at driving in the summer to. People suck at driving in the city! I can't even begin to explain the udder stress I was in today just trying to get to the store for food! Someone was driving at 30km in a 80km zone and slipping all over the place and being stupid. I finally pass them and OH MY GOD you are a stupid person, on the phone talking away not paying attention to the road... big surprise! Man I am just pissed at this person and I keep on my way then this jack ass cuts me off going so fast that he almost hits me and my heart is just pounding and I am ready to cry and all I want to do is go home and sit in my warm house with no drivers!

Any way that is it and I am done venting now. Thank you for listening.

To my Lovely Sister

I know I am a day late and I know that is bad and yes your package will come but more then likely in the New Year. However from me to you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I Love you, and I miss you more. You are the best sister one could ever ask for. You are strong, amazing, funny, sweet, outstanding, beautiful and so much more to me!

I love you I love you I love you!

PS This is for you

I am Cooking Goddess!

So last night I made three items totally by scratch! I was so worried that it was not going to turn out as I am not really much of a cook but my god I am good!

Thank you Rachael Ray and your website for the Wonderful Meal! I highly recommend you try it out!

Item One:
Dijon Tarragon Chicken
http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=857

Item Two:
Rice Pilaf
http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=13

Item Three (the most tasty and amazing YUM)
Roasted Squash Vegetable Medley
http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=575

So for a yummy home cooked meal that speaks of winter but tastes of spring please give it a try and let me know what you think! So good

I think I will try and make something new at lest once a week. Now that I have a man in my life it seems like I want to cook more again! Also I was inspired by a movie :)

Happy Cooking : )

T'was the Night before Christmas

And all through the house a creature was steering... no it wasn't a mouse! With Me in her Pj's and the man at work. I am just settling down for a movie and then a nap. When all of the sudden what was it I here a little text message and some reindeer? I rose to the phone to see whats the matter. To find a little note with hugs and kisses pitter patter.

And now for some more writing...cause I can't go on with that any more but I think I did a pretty good job. :)

It is Christmas Eve encase you missed that and I am over joyed with how the end of this year is working out! I can't remember the last time I was this happy!

I wanted to up date really just to wish everyone in the world a very Merry Christmas and a New year full of joy, peace, prosperity, love, kindness and hugs :)

Good Night to one and all :)

Its been a while

Well long time no write again! gee I need to get better at this!

So Everything is shinny and new... New job! Woop.... New Puppy! So cute and sweet ... New Man! Who is lovely and amazing and such a fantastic person I'm so lucky to have met him (its only been 2 months :P ) New new new.

I'm very happy and filled with joy this last little while it all seems to be falling into place ever so nicely. I'm over joyed with the out comes that have been coming my way. Now if only the money situation could improve as much as all this other stuff has that would be ideal!

I miss my family and will be missing them through this Christmas I'm not going to make it home this year, and that makes me a little bit sad.

What else? hmm well life is good, I want to start cooking thanks to a movie! It was so all inspiring to watch someone cook through a book and enjoy it and say YUM all the time. Most of the time with the food I make its like oh ok that’s alright but its not amazing!

Any way I'm just updating cause I thought it was totally time and now I'm off to work and play.

The Weekend is my Friend!

Well I take forever to up date... what is going on in the world of me? Well still working at the same crappy job but today was fantastic so that is really good. I am kind of seeing someone and I am not totally sure where that will all go but we are to be hanging out tomorrow night. He is a nice guy but I'm not 100% sure that this is 'the one'. I have been applying for jobs everywhere I can and I keep getting the 'your personality is amazing and you have such a great spirit but not the experience we are looking for' thing and that is so frustrating its not even funny.

I had a doctors appointment that is kind scaring the crap out of me but at the same time things could be worse and I like to look on the positive side of life for the most part. I am only negative about some things and even then I try to spin it in a way that is good. I bought the BEST smelling lotion today, and the most expensive I might add, but I'm kind of in love with it so I'm happy about that.

I wish we could go back to the days when money wasn't the center of all things!

I went to a small town in the south of Alberta to do some training (teacher M haha love it) and on my way home stopped in a small town that is famous for the most silly thing ever. Facebook friends stay posted for photos that I hope to up load soon! I want to go back to school and become a teacher! But I can't afford to do this so that sucks balls! I feel like my lifes work is a calling between Social Work and Teaching both of which don't make the money I need to live, always fun!

I entered a contest to have my student loan paid off and haven't won yet but still have two weeks of draws, please every person out there send me some positive vibes on this one because that is LIFE CHANGING!

And I think my random thought that was ment to be a good post is done now.

so lonely

Well its been awhile yet again and I didn't win the big prize but am thankful for be one out of 98 people who where finalist!

I write tonight because I had a sudden smack in the face of how lonely I am. I drove around so much today just wasting gas because I didn't want to sit at home alone it felt almost unbearable! The thing about life that is the oddest to me is that we are all so really truly alone and we all strive to have a connection in our lives if only for a second or a hour. It is very silly to me that I am so uncomfortable some times being alone. I mean really it should be alright.

I sick of being alone! I'm sick of doing everything by myself! I'm sick of wondering why I feel like the only person on the planet who feels so out of touch with people and the world. I'm sick of wondering who I am and when I lost myself. I'm sick of it!

I just ahhh I just want what we all one someone to spend the days with, the time with, the moments with. Not even a guy in my life but people who are true and there for me. My closest friend is all in family mode with her boyfriend living with her, and then everyone else I knew just is no longer around. You know it sucks, where are friends where is this thing that we are all suppose to have. Am I the only one with nothing? bah

Ok so I'm feel sorry for myself tonight and yes I am a little down these days because I feel like I'm missing the point to all this. I feel like I have lost hope, and that is a destusting feeling, I dream of so much and I have so much faith in things but right now bottom of the freaken world. It just seems hopeless and I wonder some times what the hell am I doing with my life. NO I'm not going crazy, although some times I wish I would at lest then I might have someone to talk to.

Just feel sorry for myself and wondering what the heck is the point right now. knock it up to a shity day.

Tomorrow will be better, I know this! Today is a write off and tomorrow is something I am waiting for. But I dread the end of the weekend I hate my job, although I'm getting sent to Regina next week which is pretty cool.... why you might ask well that is because I have personally been asked to go train the people there on how to manage there job and do all that I do. I have developed this crazy little 101 guide and its pretty great. But here is the great thing and more then likely also why I'm feeling this way. Is no one cares, not my boss, not my ED, not anyone, its just like yes you are going good for you that you where specially requested, who the fuck cares...no one. I can't wait to leave that place its so evil and such negitivity it sucks out my spirit and makes me THIS! This sad, lonely, uninspiried mess of a person, isn't it lovely. AHHH

Good news, I will have an interview coming up for a job I truly want at a place that really believe in and I want this more then anything I can even taste it! I have been trying so hard to find another job and it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. I'm meant to be torn to pieces by those women to the point where I am a mindless person with no hope, and alone.... SUPER GREAT! :(

Any way I'm alive. and that is my update and now I am going to lay in a dark room under a mountain of covers and hope that this all just goes away!

Good night world.... Sleep sweetly.

Four Months Later

So I finally am updating.... it has been a long time. Still happy in my new place, in fact more happy then ever, in love with it, great location, great feel, great just great!

Work is not so good but its been like this for a while so I'm just moving forward looking for that new job that will light me up again.

Today I post because I have two excellent stories.
The first is fast... I am a finalist in a contest and might win a really amazing prize you can bet if I do I will post about that more to come after Friday!

Second... I went back to BC some time ago and brought back with me a bike, a old rusty bike which I have put back together and is working well. Today I decided to get out on it and go for a ride. Towards the end of my street I live on is not the best area. Abandoned homes, scary looking people, BIG dogs that bark as you ride by and at the end of it a field which I sat in and just enjoyed the sun and my last summer day off. Then kept on my way and found this house. This very odd house in the middle of a sad area.


So I can't load the photo's I created an album on my facebook, if we are friends you can see them there if not just know it was something else!

Any way will try to up date soon and not go so long :P

The long wait over!

Well I sit here in my new apartment alone! Finally alone. It took a long time and some super hard moments. It took realizations that you need to be patient and wait. But its here and I'm almost unpacked....I think I should be able to finish tomorrow. This past month has been full of disappointments, joy, stress, and long days. I hope that this new start brings many wonderful things to it.

I am recovering from a cold and a big head ache that I have had all day and will not seem to go away. I am on the look out for a new job now officially. I just need that part of my life to get better and then I will be in the place that I want to be. The place of true bliss and joy and happiness! The future looks bright and exciting! Can't wait.

Any way just a little up date to let any one who reads this know I'm alive and well and in my new place! WOOP

Until soon.

To Wait

Well I have offically moved and am homeless staying with a friend for 18 more days... which seems like forever at this point. I feel like such an ass having to stay with someone. Thank god for good people still in this world. I have given my sercurity deposit for the new place and I look forward to getting in there and making it my own.

Work is going alright, it is work... I am still looking for that great job that fits with my skills and what I am looking for but have yet to find it. Tonight has been a pretty slow night just watching some TV and being cozy in my PJ's.

On the weekend I did a lot! I went to the Symphony which was both amazing and breath taking and I went and saw "He's just not that into you" which I totally recommend to everyone out there. I noticed myself laughing a lot but also going oh shit I've totally been THAT girl... which then made me laugh more. It is a must see and me being the totally mushy girl that I am was all like ahhh how sweet at the end. It was worth the hipe and the wait!

Any way just a little up date to let all you readers know I'm not living in a box on crack lane... woooohhhooooo

Night

Judgement Day

So yesterday I started moving some of my things. The stuff I can fit in my car and today will be more packing the last of my things that can be packed, first need more boxes. But its Monday and the Tenant Landlord place is open but not till 8:30am. So 15 mins to wait and wonder what will be the out come of all this craziness over the weekend. Once I have spoken with them I will have them call the owner of the home and explain what my rights really are. Then ask to have them ask her to call me via cell phone and discuss what will happen from here. Then she can pass the informaiton on to my roommate.

So I sit and wait in anticapation, one of the places I was reffered to call is open now so I'm going to call them first and see what they have to say about the whole situation. Or if they just tell me to call the local service here in town. I know I want to be out by the end of the week at the latest any way and tonight over today will be the majority of the move. This is stressful and its not helping my health choices in food. Yesterday through all the stress I had a begel, a cup of yougurt, and two chicken wraps. Thats it. Not enough food to keep my body feeling well so today my whole body hurts and I am more tired then ever. Good times.

more to come.

The Strom Part two

So the police cam and I have until Monday to figure out what the hell I want to do. So far I have somewhere to stay for the month a friend who is willing to help me move all my stuff for a fee and I'm going to look at a storage unit tomorrow and on hold with Uhaul right now... boo to hold!

My Friend who said I could stay with said I could also store my things at her house but I think thats a bit to much just clothing and bathroom items would be the best. Then I don't have to feel at home I just have to know I'm staying with her until Feb 24/25... lord. What the hell was I thinking.... So I think what I will do is go and try and find some more boxes tonight pack as much as I can. I'm going to check out the rental places tomorrow, maybe rent one. Then Go to work for 3 hours come home move my big stuff that evening with my friend. Bed, Sofa, hope chest, and maybe a truck load of boxes. What ever is left move in my car. Take Monday off move everything out come in clean the place cause I'm nice and then take me and my clothing to my friends for the month. I don't really want to be here with the Massive anger in the air. Its not mentally healthy!

On a Highlight I go the phone call about an hour ago that I got the place that I want on Monday I will go to sign all the papers :D I'm pretty happy about that!!! Really I'm totally flipping out but the excitment is small as I have a lot to do. Sooooo I guess I should get my ass in gear and start doing some stuff. I have a tone of little crap that I want to pack up and get into a box... its going to be a long few days! woop And the joy of explaining this to my boss! FUN

The Strom Part one

So things are bad, really really BAD! I just got off the phone with the police who are now going to be coming to the house to mediate this because she said "Get Out, tomorrow your out, you have no rights" So I said fine I'm calling the police she said go ahead. So I did... and now they are coming. I was told to let her know they are on their way here and then stay away from her. Ok

So in stress and frustration I go to smoke leaving the door open and then it slams behind me. So here I sit stressed, upset, not totally sure what the hell is going to happen in the next 24 hours and ready to pull my hair out. Waiting for the police is just peachy.

So my friend said I can come stay with her and store my stuff there until next month and I think I might take her up on the offer as I do not want to be any where near this place right now. I just wish it wasn't happening this way and I'm worrying that she is right even though I know shes not its just scary. We will see how the rest of the night goes and I am going to start packing some things.

Till later

Dear God

Totally the Clam before the storm, I gave my notice yesterday. A copy to my roommate and a copy for her mom the Landlord. Well giving it to her she says "well I'm your land lord so my mom doesn't need it. hmm when did that change? odd so in the letter is says I will not be paying rent for the month of February as per our first agreement verbally stating I was paying First months and Last months rent. And right then Anger, nothing said but you can see it. So mad.

So I do a ton of research and am ready for this. Once I'm home later.. ding ding Let it begin Anger BIG MASSIVE Anger. She says "I am changing the locks on Sunday you are not aloud to live her for the next month". Umm NO sorry I know my rights and the law really well at this point we have a verbal contract binding in a court of Law! So fine this is about 12:00am not the best time to talk late tired anger not the greatest kind.

So this morning make many more phone calls, no one around as its the weekend. Call the police to get guidance on what I do if she should change the locks on me... Agenst the law! HAha thats right agenst the law. The police would come open the premises and I would have to move all my stuff out... ok and then I'm homeless for a month. Great

So This month I think is going to a hard month I am 100% sure I wish I could afford to just move out to where ever today but I have no notice. So I can take them to court after for damages. hmm god Okay I just needed to document this somewhere and get my barrings together before I go talk to her and let her know I would like to speak with her mother. okay wish me luck

Fun times fun times... mental note NEVER LIVE WITH ANYONE! AHHH

One Last one... because its lovely

You Are an Angel

A truly giving soul, you understand the spirit of Christmas. http://www.blogthings.com/whatchristmasornamentareyouquiz/

Nice!

Your Christmas Song Is "Jingle Bell Rock"

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square In the frosty air For you, the holidays are one big party And you always end up having a little too much eggnog! http://www.blogthings.com/whatchristmascarolareyouquiz/

Hahaha So true

You Are Donner

The most lovable and sweet reindeer, you're also a total dork! Why You're Naughty: You keep (accidentally) tripping the other reindeer while flying. Why You're Nice: You're always smiling, even if you've fallen flat on your horns.

dink dink :P

Okay so just as I was about to post runs through my head, Spaceballs, and the part where the little guys are saying dink dink, dink dink :P If you have not seen the movie you will think I'm totally nuts if you have maybe you will laugh, or think wow this girl has gone kind of nuts. hahaah Its the nuts I think :P

Any way in a good mood today and have been for the last little bit which is always nice! I have decided to make the move to stay in this city for one more year at min, I am going to volunteer as a Big Sister and have given a one year commitment :S scary.

So I think life is getting a little bit better still alone most of the time but I'm starting to settle into all of this. Its a little weird to think that I am at this point in my life where everything just seems to be moving around me and I kind of stand there and pick one or two things to jump on but when I was younger I would try to jump on them all and then loss my footing and end up face planting into something hard. OUCH

I have had a million OUCH moments where I just kind of ended up spreading myself to thin and got into trouble. hmm yeah so...

What else is new? work still sucks but I'm starting to get comfy there so the idea of moving to a place is getting scary, lord! Halloween is coming and I need to get a outfit cause I'm going to a party, but to work :P well volunteer! Winter is on the way, SAD, means most of my time will be spent inside I hate winter!

yeah I really just wanted to update cause I was bored but I'm going to head out for a bit now.

Hopefully I will write again soon.

Where the hell have I been?

Well its been a long long time almost 2 months since I last wrote... whats going on in my life now, huh same stuff different day. Still in a job that I hate, but only its getting worse, which means I now hate more then anything to have to go there and just sit in front of that stupid computer screen and try and pass the hours. This life I'm leading right now has gotten me to the point of true unhappiness! I who am normally a happy out going bubbly person am now a drown and all I want is for it to all end. The other day I went to my old work to do a presentation and I felt alive and full again. I was doing something great for others and it shook my very core of being and I realized something this is it, that is what I'm meant to do. Teach, educated, inspire mind to be more. So I am going to work on paying down my student loan and go back to school to get my education degree I think or something because this life will end my soul and that is no way to live at all!

Last night I went to an Artist Gala... alone, and it was amazing! The sounds, the sights, and the feeling of all around was something out of a story book. Just when all the people in one room see something that takes them away from what ever it is that they call everyday life it is truly something else. I have a drive for much these days, call it trying to fill my life with external joy. My old job use to make me so happy I didn't get out there and do much and these days I'm doing so much. I went to something they call global fest here and it was pretty amazing, again going alone. I have gone to everything alone. Its very lonely here!

I have one friend really that is it. She is a great friend but always busy with her own life. Everyone else who I know are just people I talk to from time to time, but only one friend. I've been on a mission to meet someone and I think it is starting to pain me more then really get me out there. I wonder what happened to when people where honest and not just trying to see how many chicks they can nail. I am not one of those chicks but it really shows how someone is when they say or do on thing and then nothing comes from anything. I have given myself a time frame because really there is no reason for me to be in this place. I came for a stupid reason, I stayed for a great one and now I'm hear because its all I know. Even if I did move back to my home land there is not much there for me. My oldest friends are all in there lives and so happy and I never speak to them any more. I'm not that close with my family and so it would be like living a million miles away no matter what. It would be starting all over again. And I'm not doing all that badly here really. But unhappiness is driving me to a place that is low and dark and full of things that make me feel insecure and lost.

Wow an eye opener of loneliness! That's really what is going on here I'm sure, well not all of it cause I really do hate my job but the source of my despair is wrapped up in an ugly little bow called loneliness! Today I am off to the market to walk around alone feeling inadequacy and eventually coming home with a scene of unwell being. Wish me luck. haha

Well at lest I can laugh about it still, its when the laughter stops that's when the real problem will start.

Somewhere along the way I lost part of who I was, rediscovering that has been both joyful and painful. It is still hard to think that life has taken me the way it has for some divine plan that we are all totally unaware of and yet part of. Some how I will raise above all of this but the ladder is high and the sight seems like a long path and for some reason it scares the living crap out of me.

That's it for today.... I will try to be more on the ball with this thing.
Cheers~

Extra Extra Monthly update!!

Gezz I suck at writing these days... so where to start?

I have a new job that I dislike because it does not fit right, its like that shoe that is two sizes too small looks cute on and totally amazing but by the end of the night you are thinking "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING"! Oh yeah thats right I'm not happy WOOH

So I emailed my old CEO yesterday asking if there was any way to come back in any capacity because I believe in what they are doing, I have not heard from her yet. I sure hope that I do, so I'm on a mission to find something else back in the field that I was in before because I found my passion and my drive and I was in love with my life.

The man front... oh and back thats right folks I am still single woop woop! But you know that movie 50 first dates totally sweet and lovely and wonderful all fluffy and pretty him making her fall in love with him every day, sigh... so not my life! However I have dated more then I have ever dated in my whole life... and its fun, met some cool dudes who are totally clueless as to what a find I am. One guy thinks the world of me and could I be any less interested eww! Then there is this other one that totally wants to date and have fun, he's alright but I already know he is not the guy for me. Then this guy who is totally great husband material but is totally 100% emotionally unavailable due to the fact that he just split with his ex of 7.5 years.... man can I pick them. Oh yeah and all the dates that go great and then there is a second date and it bits the mighty one! Thats always fun.... so still looking but I know he is there somewhere in the mix.

hmm what else can I tell you.... ? yup I think thats it, life sucks ass right now, but I'm working on it and I just have to remember how nice its going to be once this is all done with. ahhhh that feels good saying that. All in all besides the crap I'm a pretty happy camper because at lest it is not like it use to be and that makes me smile ear to ear. And the sheer dream of what my life is going to look like that helps make me smile as well. All good things, I have not been to work in the past few days can you tell can you can you ???

Any way I'm going to call it a night and head to my bed, well really I'm going out to look at the stars but yeah I will make sure to try and update at lest once a month.

Ciao

Man oh man

I am bad at this as a total now! I think I will just have to keep trying to do a monthly thing cause I have a hard time getting on and writing. Most of the time I have no idea what to say. So update well I'm at a new job which is very different from my last and I'm having a really hard time adjusting in this environment.

I'm still single and I give up on looking as a general whole now~! I hung out with one of my oldest guy friends and it was so weird cause I have liked him forever! And well it was nice but I just don't know. He is great and something felt really right with him but something larger felt really wrong with him. I just don't know, there is so much going on in my life right now.

Any way I have to get going to bed just thought I would let people know I was alive, I will try and update more soon!

Again forever.

So I'm really bad at updating these days. Ok here we go since the last time I wrote. No longer seeing that guy, and finally took him out of my phone book after about a month. I need to move on to better things. He was just so fantastic to me and I have clouded thoughts when I feel that way. But there are better things in the future! I have had a job interview and looking to move on in whatever way possible.

I have been just trying to be at peace with being single and not look for anything. I give up officially and when he comes along I hope I will not be so blind to miss him. It has been beautiful here the last few days and I am so happy that it looks like the summer is finally making its way back into my life!! I was thinking of taking a mini break for May long but I have to wait to see if I get my job to plan anything for sure.

I am reclaiming my life! I want things, I have goals and its time to work on me and improving my life. Woop go me go! haha Any way I wanted to update and let everyone know I'm alive and well and ready to dance in the streets. Will try to me more mindful about updates.

Cheers

hmm

Well since the last time I wrote I have been on Vacation back to the home town, which was a nice break from the norm. I finally saw that I really do like it here in Calgary but now that I'm back I'm stressed out again and feeling like my world is falling apart. I've had a really bad day today, if I would have wrote yesterday this would be a totally different story I was on cloud nine yesterday.

I feel lost today and under the weather. I was just getting healthy and can not afford to be sick at all need to make some progress at work! I'm going to up date more when I'm in a better frame of mind I just thought I would let everyone know I was alive. I'm going to bed~!

Not sure, and am wondering when I will be

So, life is this odd place that is always a little messed up. Most of time I'm not sure what is up or what is down, and right now I'm feeling more and more lost. Things with dream boy are so odd and I am not sure what to do with him anymore or if he really is the guy of my dreams and we are not dating yet this is just straight from the heart of the matter. One min he's totally into me and the next he doesn't seem like he really wants more. I'm really confused by him right now and am starting to think that maybe he is doing this for a reason. Could it all be a test?

Work is going alright but I just don't know what I want any more. I think thats the largest problem of all I just don't know as a whole what the heck I want any more. I just wish I felt like I had something to hold onto. I'm not sure when or if that is going to happen. I'm going to take some time to think this weekend about all this stuff and figure out what I need to do here. I'm going to head out now.

Brr!

So its been a bit since I have written anything, I thought it might be time to up date. First of all I'm going to start this by saying it has been really cold here these past few weeks, so cold that I felt like my lungs where going to break when I went out side. BRR! Its been an interesting few weeks. One of my dear friends is in and has been for the past well the hospital last week they told her she had MS. Its always interesting to see how other people take this harder then the person who should be taking it the worst. One of our friends has been going on and on about how this is so hard for her, how the hell is this hard for you? All you have to do is be a friend and show that you care for her, you do not have to live with this. Grow up!

I have been seeing more of the man in my life, we are not dating yet but I kind of take it that we are, I know he has not said this and there is nothing official but I only have eyes for him. Most amazing I have felt, he is just unbelievably amazing! The most amazing thing in this world is giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting them that much not to. I truly understand this now. After all the shit I have been through with these past years I never thought I could trust a person to myself. And this is mainly because I don't think I really ever have. I let people close to me but I never let them all the way in. He is the one I will let in and am letting in scary as all sin but at the same time totally liberating.

I see him tonight and can not wait to be in his arms safe and warm, most amazing. I have been working a lot these days and Friday I thought I was going to die, I am now well rested and ready for another week of lots of work. I'm working two jobs at the moment and getting a little burnt out but I really need the money to fix some problems. I am not totally sure where my whole like is going at the moment and I think this is the first time in the history of me that I'm okay with that. Its the oddest feeling in the world because I always feel like I have to be going towards something and right now I feel ok just being.

Any way I think I'm done for the moment I will try and up date again soon.

Hmm

So I had a job interview today that went very well, its for a second job. She is going to call my references tomorrow and then let me know, she really liked me and what I had to say she just said she needed to make sure I was as good as I sound.

I thought I would update on that guy, so I think I scared him away a little because I asked him if we where dating or not. I think I might have moved a little fast for him, because the last time I saw him he was very distant and acting a little odd. So now I have to try and rebuild what I might have broken. I really like him and would really like to see where this is all going.

I hope to see him again soon but I'm not totally sure what will happen at this point. All I can do is hope. I want to see him very much. I also hope that he is as worth it as I think he is. Any who what else is going on???

Work is going well, still wishing I made more money but what can you do, not in the field I am in for the money! My lips have been so chapped lately and not from something good like kissing! From the stupid weather, they hurt so much! I might not be drinking as much water as I should be ether so that needs to start happening.

Might make a trip back to my home town soon, that will be really nice to see the nephews and my sister. Not sure if I will see the rents while I am there but who knows. The last talk I had with mother did not go very well. No idea! Any way I think I'm down for tonight will try to write more some time soon.

Welcome 2008!

Happy New Year!

It is the end of a year and a road full of possibilities for many. A time for resolution, a time for starting a new and a time for looking back. This past year has been a roller coaster for me its been a year of sorrow, grief and lost in many ways. However it has also been a year of discovery, growth, and foundation building. I have been through more this year then what I ever thought I would have to go through, as said before a roller coaster! I would truly like this year to be the one that shines.

There are many things I would like to do and some that might be harder then others. The first of which I am starting to make moves to this Saturday. I ran into my old boss who began to ask me how I was liking my job, and I said love it, would like to make more money but love it! He offered me a job, gave me his card and said call me ASAP. Tomorrow I think I will to find out the details of what that would look like. I think this job might be good to go back to not at all in the same field which I think I really need! Will see how that all goes.

I'm hoping much for this year to come and I have no idea what it will bring. Such is life. Always hoping for the best never knowing for sure! I hope the new year brings every one a little peace, joy, happiness and love. Cheers

Something is happening

I have been seeing this guy for a little while now and I think I'm starting to really like him. I'm not sure what we are doing yet or if we are even really dating but I like him a whole lot. Last night we spent talking and laughing and falling asleep in each others arms it was beautiful. There is something very mysterious about him and I find that very intriguing. I hope that he will make some kind of commitment some day because I can not keep going on like this.

I am alone for the holidays, I was to be going back to my home town but at the last min that changed. I'm not totally sure what I will do yet, but I would like to thank all the people I know for the kind thoughts and invites to join them. I do not want to be a burden so I think I will just stay at home. I think I'm going to start making my own thing up because I don't want this to happen next year. You know its been more then a year since I have seen my parents and it does not seem that they care all that much. At lest this is home my mother is making it out to be.

I am feeling a little lost these days, its not a good thing, and I really want it to go away. I work tomorrow Christmas eve and I work, was not suppose to but am, didn't want to stay home and cry more, I think I have cried enough the last few days for a few years now. Any way I think I'm going to head out for a little bit here or do something any way. I would like to wish everyone in the world Happy Holidays and may you and yours be filled with joy.

I think my body is trying to tell me something

So I am now another year older, and I think that something is going on. I first had a really bad cold lost my voice and felt super dizzy all the time, thought I would totally better just in time for my big day. Then on that night started to feel sick. Spent last night in the No Urgent Emergency room although they made it seem like it was pretty urgent. Got an IV due to Dehydration and fever got released at like 4:30 or something. So much fun. I'm not totally sure what my body is trying to tell me but maybe its a combination of stress and not being as health, even though I thought I was doing great. I have 11 days until I get a week off which I'm hoping will be a nice change.

Any who I just wanted to update saying I'm alive, not so well but alive non the less. I hope I feel better tomorrow really need to be at work for a meeting man I just want to not feel so shitty and I really wish I had it in me to eat something. I feel hungry but I also feel like if I put anything in me its just going to be a bad idea. Need some soup that might be the easiest to get down. Any way I'm going to go now.

hehehehe fun

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge! Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

hee hee

Your Elf Name Is...

Sassy Slave O' Santa

What's Your Elf Name?

So sleepy!

I would not trade anything for last night, but I am more sleepy then I have ever been in my life. As you have guessed I'm not at my second job why you ask well thats because I'm running off of 2 hours of sleep right now and I know I need the money but I think my mental health and well being is a little more important then money. I might not be saying that later but for now I know its the right thing to do. I spend the best night ever sitting in my car with this person who has captured a great part of myself. I was up until 4 am talking and just enjoying the company of this wonderful person.

I have no idea where this will all go or what it means but I know I would not trade anything in the world for last night. It was more then fantastic! It was like a painting that will forever be engraved in my minds eye. I hope that this person wants to see me again I truly don't think that he would be that kind of person but all I know is I want to be in his presents again. I think that I am a little in over my head, but I like it! I say this because he is something wonderful and I have never been so overwhelmed before. I'm going to call my second job tonight a little later on to make sure I still go on Wednesday I hope that works out for the best but I will not know for sure until later.

I'm not sure what else to write at the moment, I am so sleepy I think I'm going to go lay down for a bit and hope not to fall asleep right away because I don't want to mess up my schedule to much. Any way I'm going to get going, will write more soon.

The last weekend of freedom

I start my second job tomorrow, who thought in my professional life that I would need a second job. Its not just about the money it helps but I really need something to distract me from the loneness in my life. I am just sick of being alone all the time at this point what a better way to avoid that then make ones self more busy then anything else. Tomorrow I don't even come home just from one job to another. I will not be home until after 10, come home sleep get up go to work. This will be my life for the next little while we will see how long I will be able to do this for before I go crazy but for now I'm going to give it a try and will see.

I am feeling really out of it these days and I'm not sure why or what I need to do to get things back on track I don't know what I even need. I know that working from 8am till 10pm with an hour break between does not sound like fun to me, when I know that hour will be spent in traffic! Hmmm the more I think about this it sounds like a stupid idea, I think I might start looking for a job that pays more! I think that might be a good idea any way I'm starting to have a hard time living where I live with whom I live due to work stuff. Its not working as well as I thought it would. We get alone fine and everything is great just the work stuff when that comes into play it makes this really hard!

Who knows will have to see what happens maybe I'll start looking around at whats out there and see what I can get somewhere else. I love my job but I just am not sure I can keep going on like this, its a little to much for me. Any way thats all for now I'll write more soon.

Enjoying a Extra Day!

Today is an extra day off and it is great! I'm enjoying one extra day to just be clam and at ease with myself. I have to call the place where I might be able to get a second job tomorrow. I hope that all works out. I'm ready to take it on, its going to be very hard at first but I know that i need this to get on better.

I need a winter jacket so bad! Its starting to get cold here and I am getting to the point where I really need something. I only have fleece jackets right now and they are not that warm. I had an old winter jacket but I can't seem to find the other piece to it and I believe my ex still has it and seems that person will not even give me back the things I hold dear to me I really don't think I'm going to be getting back that any time soon.

Life is going alright it could be better but as for everything we always want more out of everything. I think it might be human nature as society has pushed it to be as such. I have been thinking a lot about how much longer I want to be this province and I am having a hard time finding an answer to that. Who knows any more? Does not seem like I do. Just kind of sitting waiting for a sign. Any way I just wanted to add a little up date and give some joy to my day off and thats it really.

Wanted to update!

Well its been a while now and I thought I was due for an update. I had a good weekend pretty peaceful for the most part. I'm still thinking about what I should do with my life, things seem to be pretty crazy in my life and I just don't know what is up or down these days. Things are what they are and I'm starting to wonder what I should do more then ever now. On one hand I'm very happy on the other I feel like something is missing. I'm not feeling very well tonight! I have not been feeling all that great as a total whole these days. But thats alright I know its going to pass and I like to not think about it as I feel if you feed into the illness it might win.

I have been thinking about it a lot and I don't think moving anywhere is going to solve my money problems. Everything here is pretty cheep so I'm not total sure anything will help that but me making more money! Any way I think thats about all I have to say for now. Will write more some day soon!

Feeling the need

I have the desire to go back to my home province. I'm not totally sure why, but its been this way for a while now. The only thing keeping me here is my job, which I love! So I am happy in one area in my life thats better then none! I just don't think going back home is going to make a difference at all. I've been looking into jobs and thinking a lot about school but nothing seems to fit, I need to get another job here just to get by its starting to really drain my account living here, however the places where I would be willing to live are just as expensive and I would not be able to find a job like I have and even if I did would that be the fit? No idea, I know I'm looking for something I just don't know what.

The other day at work I had my first I hate my job moment and I was blown away by that, It was such a hard day and I was just overwhelmed and my head was spinning. I'm not sure how much I like it here, I mean its a city and its alright but I'm so lonely here thats not even funny I feel so disconnected from life sometimes. I am not sure what I should do. I think I want to go back but if I do what will that mean? what will it bring me? and is it what I should be doing? Nothing is going to change here, I will have two jobs soon be working so hard that I will feel like I'm going to break and have no life really. I just want to feel whole and I know right now that I don't for some reason.

I need something I wish the world would just hurry up and show me what that is.

Trying to figure this all out

I know that some times life just happens for a reason but I'm starting to wonder what its all about. Why have I been picked to be here and what is this all for. I think I'm a little down lately. It seems like life is out to bit me in the ass these days. I know the last few posting have been really positive and you know I've had some great times these past few weeks but it just seems like I'm waiting for something that is never going to happen. Its thanks giving weekend and I feel that I have much to be thankful for but the things that I really wish I had are not present in my life at this point in time.

I've been trying to get out of my norm and do somethings that I wish I was more like, it seems to be going well but at the same time it seems like its all just not going anywhere. I just wish so many things. I'm looking for a second job because funds are super tight right now, I wish life was just a little easier. I have this need to go somewhere and do something and just live a little bit. I feel like a bit of a drown lately, get up go to work, get up go to work, wend go for drinks, finally friday roles around and all the same shit all the time wanting to do something no one to do it with. Why not get another job make more money and at lest I'm not sitting around my house feeling low.

I am going to hope that this other job I applied for comes through and that I can make enough money to get by in a better way. Thats it for now.

Vroom Vroom

WOOO HOOOO Vroom Vroom!!!!!

Thats right people I have a car! I am so happy that it is not even funny. I have waited a very long time to get a set of wheels and now I have some! I love my car, and I am so happy I am doing all by my self!!! I feel like an adult its amazing! Any way I really just wanted to up date that, cause I am so freaking happy it is not even funny.

Also I might go on a date tonight, He said he just wanted to see me so that even if he is sleepy after working he does not care :P Woo, we will see where this goes no getting my hopes up. Thats it for now I might up date more.

I feel fantastic

So I wanted to update now well I'm still on cloud nine! I just had this fantastic night spent talking and laughing with this great person. It has been so very long since I felt so wonderful and full of joy and wonderment that I am totally just happy. This person has made me smile from ear to ear and I think this is the start of a very blessed relationship ... now do not get ahead of your self I don't mean like relationship like a partner but just in the general sense that it will be a very good something. As they left they said that I was great pretty much. I just feel fantastic there is no other word for it!

I am wondering when we will get the chance to hang out again but I'm hoping that it is soon because just being in this persons presents makes me feel joy. Its a little overwhelming and I'm not totally sure what to make of this yet and I'm trying to not let myself get carried away but man its just nice to have someone make you feel so darn good. Any who I just really need to shout my joy somewhere and this is the place that felt the most fitting. I think now I might try and go to bed but I think that might be hard because I feel so uplifted.

Just a little update

So the last few days I have been home sick, I hate being sick! BOO! But I think I might be getting better cause my voice is coming back and my head is not feeling so bad. I'm going back to work tomorrow for sure! I hate missing work I always feel so unless at home, I mean there is a lot to do here but I have just been sleeping and think that is what made me feel better. I'm happy I'm not coughing as much now or feeling as bad as I did earlier. So I'm mostly moved in and everything here is going nice so thats good I think soon I'm going to start looking into buying my car. Oh yeah I'm going to buy a car! I'm totally looking forward to shopping for that one!

any way I just wanted to update and let everyone know I'm alive and hopefully going to be well soon! Thats all for now, I will update again soon!

Well I have internet again!

So I have moved and now have internet again and thought I would up date. Its been a busy few days lots going on and everything seems kind of crazy at the moment but I think it might start to clam down here again very soon. I hope so at lest any way I would like some down time which I am sure that I will get very soon. I have been spending to much money as well and need to stop doing that, no more can be spent I had to have my computer fixed today to get my wireless to work My CD thing has been broken for a long time now and now I have a new one with DVD burner which is kind of cool.

I like the new place its nice so far and I have one more day off to get everything in order around here then its back to work and life again, this week and next week are short weeks so that is kind of nice. Four day work weeks always make me happy. But then it will be a while before I have anytime off like this again, I think I might go back to BC for thanks giving but we will have to wait and see cause I would like to buy a car and I might not be able to afford it once I do that but who knows have to weigh my options. Any way I think I'm going to go just wanted to up date and let all know I'm alive and well and with internet again! woot

Moving day has come!

So today is the day, I'm pretty well all packed up and ready to go, need to go pick up my truck from the place I rented it from and then me and my friend are going to load up my life again. I hope that this is the last time I will move in a while. I'm looking forward already to this day being over, I think its going to be a long one. I only have my friend until 11:30ish so my goal is to have the truck totally loaded and ready to go, then I think I will stay around here for a little bit and clean the place so I can sleep in tomorrow. Then I just have to come back and get my DD from my landlord and thats it done and done.

I'm going to be sleeping at the new place tonight so that is going to be really odd, a whole new space again new things to get use to and new kind of life to get use to also. I think I might start looking into buying a car but I have to get my stuff together first so that I know what I can afford. With insurance and gas and all that stuff I'm just not sure if the convince is worth it. I don't know I think I will make that decision more then likely in November. We will see, who knows. Any way I think I should run my friend is going to be here soon. Wish me luck today please. :)

Three Days and counting

So I have three days until I move, I'm starting to realize how much work I have to do around here before I'm ready for that. I got a bunch of stuff done today, but I need to do more because I am really in bad shape right now. There is so much that needs to be done and I was going to go buy some tape but I just don't feel like going anywhere today, I'm so blah and just want to stay home for the rest of the day.

I hurt my arm the other day and I'm having a hard time packing some of the heavy things cause it hurts when I try to pick them up, this is not good, it needs to be better FAST! Cause I have to pick up a lot of heavy stuff soon moving and all.

I'm going to miss my area that I live in everything is so easy to get to, but I am looking forward to having all that space. Also I might look into getting a puppy but I might wait on that one. Need to get everything else in order first. I am thinking these next few days are going to go by way to fast.

What else is going on? hmm not a whole lot. I think things might start getting busy in the next little while. I was suppose to volunteer today but it was to cold and rainny outside so I decided to not go, I feel kind of bad but at the same time yesterday they so did not need three people there so that makes up for not going. Any who I should get going back to work just needed a break from the packing.

So much to do so little time

Well this week is going by a little fast and a little slow at the same time. I have a lot going on this weekend coming up and have to figure out how I'm going to do it all. Then next week I only work 3 days and then I move! Crap I really need to kick my packing into high gear! There is so much I have to get done still and it seems like I'm putting it off a little too much maybe so this weekend I'm going to pack everything I do not need! To get it out of my way and into the boxes. I just really have to start packing my kitchen and other little things it does not seem like much to do.

I really just need to start disabling my life here at this place. I'm really looking forward to moving and can't wait to be in the new place and make it my own. I think I might pack a bit of my kitchen stuff tonight thats the next part. I need to buy some packing tape and then I can finish everything else. Looking around it does not seem like I have that much stuff but I know there is more then I really think there is. I have to start calling people too and canceling all my services changing address. boo I hate that part! But maybe I'll see if I can get a move on some of that tonight. Any who I just thought I would up date and thats all for now.

I will more then likely update one more time before I move but after that it might be a little while before I'm on again as I have to get a wireless connection thing before my computer will have internet again. so funfun! Wish me luck with that one I have no idea how they work!

Any way I'll try and update again soon.

Just wanted to up date!

Well not all that much is going on, just packing getting ready for my move I need to start calling people and changing my mailing address and phone number and all that jazz. That could take a little while there are so many places to call! But thats going to be in the near future maybe this weekend I will start calling! I have a good bye BBQ to got to this Friday for a co-worker, he is going to be missed a lot around the office! But I think it will be a lot of fun so I'm looking forward to that!

Not much else really going on just working and trying to get my life on track so that it does not feel like such a mess all the time. Any who I'm going to go just really wanted to let any one who reads this know that I am in fact alive!

Things are going

So I have been dreaming of the end of this week to get back into the grove of things and it did and I made it through! Thank god! I think this was the hardest freaking few weeks of my life now I need to get back to feeling good again and normal. I am going out for dinner tonight witch should be nice, I'm looking forward to getting together with these friends it will be nice to catch up. I hope that I am not putting them out. I always fear about stuff like that.

So today is the start of something I'm going to look into my gym for some new classes and I am going to start kicking my ass to get it into shape. I really want to be health. Not that I'm not all that unhealthy now but I just need to change things up a bit. I need to start packing to start getting ready to move. I'm looking forward to the move. Its going to be so good!

Any way I'm just wanting to up date and let everyone out there know I made it through the hard part of my life and now things can start being good again. WOOT!

Long weekend

Well its a long weekend three days off then back to work for three days for me then four days off. It will be nice to have a little time to myself I think I'm going to get a lot of packing done next weekend. Keep my mind busy! On the Saturday of next weekend I'm going to a friends house to visit that will be really nice, I can't wait!! I'm looking forward to that as I think it will be a great visit.

I am to be going to take care of a friends son today that should be good he has so much energy its amazing! I had a chance to go back to my home town this weekend but I was not able to go because I couldn't get the Tuesday off. Sucks! But I think I'm going to plan on going back for October for thanks giving. I will try to look forward to that! It will almost be a year since I have seen my parents at that point so it would be nice to see them again.

I gave my notice to move at the beginning of this month so I am moving for sure! Now I have to start packing my life up again. but I think this is going to be a move that I stay at this place for a long time. I think its going to be Great! Any way thats about all I have to say looking forward to getting next week over with so that life can go back to normal for a little while. We have had so many people off work that its crazy there right now. Well I hope this all goes the way I would like it to and that I have the strength to make it through all the stuff I go through in a week its been so stressful lately I think I'm burning out a little bit. So wish me the best :)

More new things

But this time I feel good about them :) I am going to be moving at the end of August to a beautiful large house, with a friend from work. I feel really good about this and am looking forward to a new place with more space. I will also be saving some money and that is fantastic. I have a feeling life will be getting back to normal again very soon. This week coming up and next week are going to be long and hard, we are going to have really low staff because everyone is on holidays. But I think it will be alright. I just want these next two weeks to go by so I can start packing and doing all that fun stuff. I get to paint my new place :) WOOT!

I can't wait to move I think this is the most positive I have ever felt about a move and it is a nice change. I'm going to join a gym with some of my extra money! Woot, all new wonderful things soon. I'm looking forward again to life. I just need to get through the next two weeks with no problems of facing all the stress I'm going to be facing. Wish me luck! I'm sure I will hold my head up and pull through it is just I know its going to be a challenge. But I love hard work and a challenge so this should be great. Ha well I do like a challenge but I just wish this was stuff that was a little easier.

Any who I just thought I would up date really happy about my move, I will try and write again soon, but it might be a while. Maybe next weekend as it is a long weekend. But will have to see. I might just try and pull through my two weeks before I update. Any way I'm going to go need to start unwinding so that I can sleep tonight.

Wishing for a simpler time

I find that being an adult has become far to complected, the ever day choices that we have to make are becoming to much for my brain to handle. Sometimes I just wish I could back in time to a simpler place where the choices I had to make where easy and clear. Yes maybe those choices also effected how your life would turn out but it didn't seem as big of a deal. Things that you knew you could live with because it was that much easier. I'm really not totally sure why I'm writing about this but I feel that I just need to consider what my future holds for myself.

I was thinking about going back to school and finishing my Bachelors degree but I'm not sure if thats the right path. I'm going to go to the workshop coming up and I'm hoping that this will help me in finding focus again. There are other things as well like should I stay in the city I live in or move back to my home province I miss being there. I miss my friends and being able to see my family when I want to. I just am not sure what the future has in store for me but I'm hoping its still something great.

Thats really all I have to say for now.

what a mood

Grezz am I ever in a mood today. I do not think I can begin to tell you how much of a bitch I felt like today. I felt like I snapped at lest 3 times today thats really bad, I got so up set for people interrupting today that I thought I would smack someone. At the end of the day I went into my bosses office and said "I'm really in a bad mood today and I want to kill the the clients at the moment I'm not going to but I really want to hurt someone. I just need to sit here and vent a little bit." She was really good at listening to me it was nice, then my co-worker came in and he had a bad day too. So we just sat in there and de-stressed a little bit.

I still feel like I'm going to snap but its not as bad as it was I'm just in a really bad mood, maybe sleep will help tonight, god for the sake of my clients it dame well better. Tomorrow is going to be such a long day and I am not looking forward to it. I was like a month ago but right now not so much. I'm really just err... I feel like I need another break again but I don't I just need to learn how to cope different.

Any way I just needed to vent a little bit and make myself feel not so bad about snapping. Will right again soon.

Life is busy

Well I have no more vacation time coming up any time soon, I have a few long weekends and so lieu time left to us but who knows when that will happen. My work week is over and I'm finding out how busy I'm going to be with this new job that I now have at work, along with my old job still. I've been finding it really hard to find a placement for a group of people this could posse to be harder then first thought, I might ask my sister for some pointers. I think she might be able to give me some good ideas.

So work and life are a little crazy again and on top of it all I felt like crap most of the week, I hope this feeling goes away soon. I have a lot on my plate and on my mind lately but its alright I can handle this. Hmm what else is going on? Not to much really just hanging out doing what I need to do to get by. I am thinking about moving into my friends house into her basement because rent will be way cheaper, but I'm not sure about it yet so we will have to wait and see.

Any way I'm going to go and think about what to do for the rest of the night. I was going to watch a movie with a friend but I'm not sure because its so hot and I don't feel so good, but who knows. Any way I'll write again later.

Bitter Sweet

Well My sister and my nephews just left on there journy back to my home land and I'm a little heart broken to see them go. I don't think I have had the need to cry in a long time but this time I was a little baby. It just made me relize how much I'm missing them and how I wish they where closer. The hardest part about being so far away is that I'm staying because I love my job and the thought of leaving that behind right now does not sit well with me. But I wonder if I will ever get ahead by staying where I am.

The only reason I was alright with them leaving is that now my back will not hurt when I get up in the morning because I get my bed back. Other then that there was nothing happy about them going. However I did get some good pictures and some excellent memories. Well back to life I guess, I think I might start looking more at that, how my life is here and what it would be like some where else because I think I'm almost done here. I like all the great friends I have made, and I could not ask for more for job statifaction, maybe more money but other then that I have nothing here I think it might be time to start the search again.

Any way I just thought I would do a little up date while my mind was a mess and thats really all I have to say for now.

Today is the day

My sister is going to be here today, I am not sure what time but I'm going to take a guess and say she will be in town by 5:30pm tonight, maybe 6. I am hoping that everything goes well with her here, I'm a little worried about the other people in my building as I forgot that this was an adult building and kids are normally not allowed but I think most people would think that was for a living situation not a visiting one. I also hope my appartment is aired out enough for my sisters liking and that she can stay here. Due to the fact that I smoke it gets not so nice in here, and she hates the smell of smoke. So I've tried with everything to make sure that the smell is not in here, but I can not really tell because I'm a smoker. I would need a second person to really make sure of it and would have to be someone who does not smoke.

Feeling a little better since last time that I wrote, minus from this morning I'm feeling like crap, but thats alright I'm sure that will go away. I have to run to the store today before they get here so that I have something for the boys to eat when they get here. Man I'm going to need a nap today I'm to sleepy. I did not sleep well last night, nor for very long so on top of the feeling like crap I am also very sleepy. I just want to get the stuff that I need to get come home and have a long nap until my sister gets to town.

Any way I think I'm going to go and relaxe for a bit before heading out to the store. Will write again soon.

Tomorrow is my Friday

Well I have 10 whole days off at the end of tomorrow! I get to see my Sister and her little guys, I'm soooo HAPPY! I've been feeling kinda ill latly and not totally sure why, I hope I'm not coming down with something. Still need to find out how the weekend is going to pan out, because its kind of a mess at this point, I hate not knowing things! I went to a BIG meeting last night with my work place, and got a lot of great Networking in, it was good and I think I made a great impression considering everyone who I spoke with wanted to meet the person behind this one special program and well that was me.

This week has been really long, it seems like it has gone by so slow, I wish it was Thursday today because I really need to sleep more then I have been, I've been so sleepy but again I think this is due to the fact that I feel like I'm coming down with something.

I would like to talk about this guy, but I do not like sharing to much of that info on this thing but all I have to say is why are men so weird and hard to understand sometimes? I just wish I had an idea where he was coming from. I need to do some house cleaning Friday and some other things to get ready for my sister. Then if I do not leave for my home province I think I might go over to the guys house and do some movies or something.

Any way, I'm going to go I just wanted to update and really let anyone who reads this know that I am alive and kicking.

What does it all mean?

So this week went by very fast. My long time firend came into town and we had a great time. The only thing is so strange things happend while she was here, like this girl who I met while we where out one night took my hand and said something strange to me considering I have never met her before that night. MY sister said that this sounds like I might be coming out of the closet of something by this statement and I just wanted to make it very clear that I Like MEN and Men only. The girl said something about my past relationship that was the weird thing.

I'm not to sure what the world is trying to tell me right now but something is up. I had a really great visit with my firend it was a blast and I am so happy that she came to visit.

Back to work tomorrow and then in two more weeks my sister comes to see me! WOOT... I am looking forward to seeing my little guys I love them so much and I do not get enough time with them.

There is a lot more that I want to talk about but I do not think that this is place to talk about this kind of thing. So I'm going to save it and talk to my firend about what happened. Oh well I thought I would just do a little up date so that everyone knows I'm alive still. I hope I get all my work down in the next few weeks I have a lot to do before my next vacation, so heres hoping Thursday brings much consintation and a lot of work to be done.

Again I like Men!

I hate being sick

So I am sick yet again! It sucks bum because I have such a fun week planned for my clients and now I'm just the bummer of the party so to speak. It was such a hard day and I really want to call in sick tomorrow but if I do that then the program will be a no go because there is no one to take my place. It sucks because I really do not want to let my clients down! So I will be going in tomorrow sick or not! I love my job but some days when things are like this all I want to do is sleep and go in some dark place where no one can find me!

Any way I just wanted to wine a bit and now I'm done. I hope I get better soon, MY FRIEND IS HERE NEXT WEEK!!!! so happy about that!

WOOH

So today was my Walk for MS, Thank you to everyone who pledged money to this great event! It was a wonderful morning, the sun was shinning everyone had lots of energy and it was the perfect day to walk! We did the 6km walk only but it felt so good! I'm glad the bad weather waited for us all to finish. It is now raining like crazy and I'm glad we didn't have to walk in that. I have had a pretty GREAT weekend; it’s been a lot of fun! I'm not totally sure what next weekend will bring me but I cannot wait to find out.

Lazar tag was GREAT! I came in 4th in on my team, with something like 6000+ points, my co-work came in first and had 12000 point 300 away from the record board! It was so much fun, we all sweated so much it was not even funny! Wow you can really hear the ran coming down its crazy raining.

Any who I just thought I would up date not much else to say really but this week is going to be really cool and I am looking forward to my weekend!

Weekend soon

So it will be the weekend soon, and I am looking forward to it but at the same time kind of sad about it. One of my co-workers last day is on Friday and this person is very well liked he is a great person and we are all very sad to loss such a wonderful spirit. He is moving back east with his family. We are having a good-bye party for him on Friday. Then on Saturday well I hope that my plans do not get all bummed out again like last weekend but you never know. I'm not going to jinx them just in case, the person the plans are with will not even say we are doing anything out right just encase it will jinx it. This makes me laugh! Sunday is my Walk for MS! Looking forward to that.

Next week is another busy week there are three big days coming up for me and I just realized the other day that Friday is JUNE! Already, what the heck? My Friend is coming from BC WOOOT!!! I'm so happy about that I cannot wait to see them!!! Then the end of the month which seems super far away at the moment but I know its just going to come up on me like no tomorrow, my sister is going to be here. FUN! In three month is will be my one year with my job!!!! That is freakin crazy!

I have found forgiveness for something also, this does not mean that I think what happened was right or that I ever want to be in this position again but I have found it, and it is liberating! I have been trying to live in the motto "Do you" but it has been harder then I thought it would be. My head likes to take over and think out everything way too much, it’s beginning to darn my body. I really need to stop and just breath I am going to try and do this when I have some time off soon here, when my friend is visiting, I know I will get back to me with this person! I cannot WAIT!!!! I wish it were sooner. Any who I should go I think that’s really all I have right now any way.

Half way through

So it is the middle of the week and I am feeling a little worn out, This week has been a big week. I have planned like crazy to make sure that this week goes really well, so far it has not been that bad there is just so much to do some times. I got to go to Hall of Fame today. It was a tone of fun and I did some things that I thought I might not ever so woot for me! Thanks to my Co-worker for not wanting to go :)

Tomorrow is the last day of my program that I spent a tone of time planning and I am very much looking forward to that, its going to be nice to have this day finally come! Life is going well, I am liking being a lone right now and enjoying some much needed me time! My sister is coming to my city in about a month now and I am looking so forward to that it is not even funny, plus I get some much needed time off from work so thats also very good.

I think I am going to make a plan soon for something that I have been wanting to do for a long time now but just kind of sitting around doing nothing about. I am not going to talk to much about this because I think it will not be a good idea, but I'm working towards something that might be great so wish me blind luck. Any who I'm going to grab something to eat and take some down time.

Blah

So its been a bit now since I up dated but I did not want to update in hopes that people would donate to my walk for MS. But since no one has done that yet... feel the guilt!! I thought I would up date.

I have been in a lot of pain since saturday night, my teeth are killing me and I have never had this kind of pain before. Tomorrow I'm to go get a root canal and I hope to god that this all goes away after. I never want to feel this again, plus the stupid pills they have me on make me sleepy and feel like I'm higher then a kite! So I tried to go to work today and ended up coming home at 10:30 because I was in a lot of pain, came home took some more pain pills and fell asleep for 3 more hours. I hate this, the pain is back right now and all I want to do is sleep again because at lest then I do not feel it.

Can not wait for tomorrow, maybe if I have the energy I will update when I get home from my root canal. More then likely I will be sleeping but who knows maybe I'll just be so happy not to feel like ass that I will just stay up and enjoy the feeling of being normal again. Thats all for now.

The Super Cities Walk for MS

So on June 3rd my co-workers and I are going to walk for MS. This was an idea from one of my co-workers as his father had MS. His father is no longer living.

My mother was diagnosed with MS, when I was 17 years old. She is very health at the moment but has had some hard days from then to now. When my co-worker asked if I would want to walk with him I did not even think about it I just said yes. I really would like to participate in this and if you think this is a good clause then PLEASE go to the link and Donate to our Team.

**MS: Multiple sclerosis is a complex disease. While it is most often diagnosed in young adults, aged 15 to 40, we know that it affects children, some as young as two years old. The impact is felt by family, friends and by the community. MS is unpredictable, affecting vision, hearing, memory, balance and mobility. Its effects are physical, emotional, financial, and last a lifetime. There is no cure.**

Donate to: Marken's Miracle Makers (click the link to help us make a difference!)

https://msors.mssociety.ca/Walk2007/SponsorTeam.aspx?&PID=961012&L=2

10 days later!

So it has been a bit now, but I have been super busy and I have decided to take the night off from all the crap that I have been up to. I've had some intresting past few days and I think I'm starting to get a real life in the city that I live in, I'm always out or busy or doing something at the moment but it could just be the timing thing and in a week or two it could all go back to the way it was.

I still miss all my friends a lot and I would really like them to come and visit, but we will see what happens. I went to this comdy thing last night and the guy was so funny it was GREAT! I laughed my ass off. I also offically miss my sister and the kids!! Also my other family members but not as much as her family. I think I need to visit soon, I do not know if I can wait until July, but I think I am going to have to.

I still love my job, but its beginning to get really busy I have a million things on the go and I think I need to slow it down a bit again because I'm becoming a little overwhelmed. But I will get through this and I will go on to do even more! Any way I think that is all I really have to say for now I will try and up date more often and I hope everyone who reads this is having as great of a time that I am right now :) woot

Did I mention I love my job!

So today I got a suprise at work and it was freakin GREAT! I love what I do... I would write more details but well I always worry about stuff like that. Any way this week ended on a really good note. I'm really happy about that, and now its the weekend and I am sitting in my apt with nothing to do and going a little crazy. God I need to meet people!

Any who thats all I wanted to say for right now.

Oh happy day :)

Just an update

So this week was a little hard until today, I had an excellent day. I had so much fun at work it was not even funny! I LOVE what I do! The people I work with just have a way of making everything go away. We went on a hay ride and milked a fake cow and saw some dogs do work with ducks it was excellent! Tomorrow is the end of the week and I am looking forward to my weekend. It should be a good weekend, and I think I might even go out with a friend. Thats right a friend :) woot! I use to work with this person and it should be fun, they are having a movie night so wooo. Not sure what night yet but I'm sure it will all work out.

I hope next week is as good as today was all week! However next week is going to be hard and there is a lot of work that must be done so I many end up working over the weekend because I have so much to finish before monday. Oh well I just thought I would update, thats it for now.

Just had to post this

I saw this guy singing this song on much music and I listened to all the words and suddenly felt moved. The words in it are great and I saw this and listened to it and it made me feel better. I'm not sure how music does this to people but it does it to me. Some times I can be in the worst place in the world and I will hear something that will bring me back. I think I am going to make this song offically my 'bring me back' song. We all get so lost some times and I think in times when I'm lost or hurt this song will help me bring it back to me.

On the day note, today was a long day and kind of hard but I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. I'm to go to this Ranch again on Wend and it looks like its going to rain! Boo I'm sick of bad weather when I take my people anywhere. But it will still be a lot of fun, looking forward to it and than Thur :) wooot! The weekend I hope will be good also. I need to call my Landlord at some point tonight or tomorrow to find out when he is going to finish everything here.

I hope to get better sleep tonight and I hope that tomorrow is better than today, I have so much work to do gezz I hope that I can get it done so I do not have to do it over the weekend. One person I have to work, I am having a hard time with this person because they never seem to have the time to do the job they get paid to do. It kind of pisses me off because this person has only been with us for a bit and he is trying to advance and everyone supports him, but he can't get what he needs to done. I am always getting shit done and it goes by with nothing from any one. Oh well, I hope you enjoy these Lyrics they are unbelievable!

All About Me
Classified Ft Chad Hatch
[Chad Hatch:]
Life's not what you take
It's not about the promises you make
It's not about the friends you might've made
Or love that is gone

Life is what you give
It's not about the stupid things you did
It's not about the way things could've been
It's about movin' on

[Chorus:]
It's all about you
So every morning when wake, before the first step that you take
Just think it's not what you make it
And you'll make it through

[Classified:]
This life will leave you stressed out, left out with your neck out, ain't nothing changed
It's real life so we deal right but it feels like it's something strange.
We wonderin' the dumbest things and let everything get under our skin
Trouble again, tryin' to impress someone else. It's fucked in the head.
So do you, you'll never make everyone happy. It just won't happen.
At the end of day, when all say is said, you better be ready to go back at'em.
I learn slow, my verse shows my growth, my wisdom.
If you positive, or you negative, it don't make a difference not when you live it.
Cause some of the most successful people on this planet
Will kill themselves for somebody else's like they really couldnt manage.
Then we got bums, alcoholics on the streets
With no stress, no where to rest, no where to dress, no where to sleep.
And they say fuck my morals. I'm drinkin' away my sorrows.
I'm livin' life and I'm happy, I ain't thinking about tomorrow.

[Chorus]

[Chad Hatch:]
Life is what it brings
It's not about cars and fancy things
Or hairsalons and diamond rings
Girls don't lose your seed

Life is all about the things you'll never figure out
It's all about the people you allow in and the memories that you keep

[Classified:]
This here is life so tell me who choses whats wrong and right.
Is it what we see on tv? Get a job, raise a family.
That's how I was raised, how I was brought up
Get a wife, a son and daughter.
That's how I was taught to be proper.
Never thought anyone could get caught up.
And slowly I get up and the fairytale quickly vanished.
Realized that life is a bitch and shit, you gotta be able to stand it.
And you gotta be able to handle it, this stress and the pressure, you channel it..
And you learn to cope at the end of your rope anyway that you can with liqor or dope.
Or work hard, raise your kids. Strip clubs, whatever it is.
Smoke weed, shoot hoops, whatever you find your happiness through.
It's your life. Just make sure you know what you want when you go out and get it
Keep doing this shit for you, not your crew or the dude you're tryna impress, kid.
Life is simple, life is hard and yeah life is fun
So enjoy the things around you before your life is done.

[Chorus]

Why?

Some times I wounder why me, why does this always have to happen to me? I know you have no idea what I am talking about but tonight everything sucks, and all I want to do it kick something or go and cry in the darkness. I thought life was going to get better, and now maybe it will have a chance to again but at them moment all I want to know is WHY!

I think I can feel my blood boil! I can not remember the last time I was this mad, oh yes I can it was in December. All I want to do is say bad words and have a drink or a pack of smokes that might be alright also. GOD

Any way I just needed to get some of that out of my system I'm done now.

Happy Friday the 13th

So back to work was great! I got to go to Red Deer for a hike and it was so much fun. Than today I got to go to the YMCA it was great! I am so happy I have my new driving stuff! Next week I get to go on a hike again and I get to take some clients to this thing in down town. Its great! So happy to be back at work.

This weekend I might go out! So looking forward to that. I'm going shopping with my co-worker tomorrow during the day. That will be good I really need to find some new shoes! I really have nothing else to write about right now so I'm going to leave it at that for now.

End of vacation

Well this is the last day of my vacation and I could not be happier, I cannot wait to get back to work. This free time is kinda driving me a little nuts to say the lest! I have so much work to do when I get back, at the end of this month we have our accreditation coming up and that is going to be so much fun, I've been picked two times to talk now. I hope I do well. I need to start finishing all my lessons and getting everything in order. So I have two weeks to do that HAha I did not realize that, dear lord! Well I can pull this out I will just have to get moving as fast as I can. So tomorrow I think I have a meeting but wend, thru, and Fri. will be working ass off time in order to get everything done.

Tomorrow is going to be my first day taking my new rote to work and I hope I get there in time and that the train is not supper crazy, even though I know it will be but one can dream, I have to make my lunch tonight and make sure I get to sleep at a good hour. The last few days I've had a really hard time sleeping and not going to sleep until crazy hours of the morning and night, last night was the worse! I think the last time I looked at the clock was 5 am, now tonight some how I need to sleep at 11 at the latest and get up for 6am. I hope I can because I have to go out of town with my group tomorrow and I do not want to be driving all super sleepy with 14 people in my van!

So I'm going to start working out again, because I'm really sick of feel like crap so next week I'm going to start doing some stuff again, this week kinda gets messed up due to the holiday today. But I'm going to start all over again next week. My weekend this week is going to be finish up all the details for work, fun fun. Man I have so much work to do! Any way I think that’s all I'm going to write for now.

Finally

So I am offically moved in I have my internet, phone, and tv again, woot. I still have a few things left at the old place but you know its hard getting all the little things some times. I'm happy to be in my new place I still have a lot to do here but its coming along. I hope that when I have the cat conversation goes on that it goes really well I miss my kitty like crazy right now and I wish she was here! So I have 5 days of my vacation left to relax and decorate! I need to find my hammer but I am not sure where it is I think I have unpacked most everything at this point and have not come across it stupid thing yet.

I find myself with very little motavation today to get things done but I want to so it feels like home and I feel comfy agian. I got this really cool picture but I can't seem to get it to stay on the wall, I have to use mack-tac but it keeps coming down no matter how much I put on so I think I'm going give tape a try and see if that works any better. I think it weighs to much for the tac but we will see maybe its the wall or something. Oh well any way I'm off to look for my tape and see if I can get the silly thing to stay up. I will write again soon.

boo

So today was a little bit of a show, first of all I'm up at 7am all ready to go and get moved in. Drive to the place and walk in with my bed in arm to... a ladder and stuff all over my new living room and kitchen! This pissed me off a little and so unload the bed and go back to old place and call new landlord... what the hell is going on I thought you where going to be done? So he's a little rude and I get frustrated but the show must go on... any way I grab a few more things and head over again at 1pm and he is there say blah blah blah whatever and really rude! So I leave pissed off and just fuming pack some more into the truck and go over again, than he says due to the inconvenience I'm going to take $100 off this months rent...I'm think SWEET! So regardless to say I'm not staying there tonight I still have more to move tomorrow but I didn't want to be in there tonight cause he was doing something to the floors in the kitchen and just in case I did not want to breath those fumes in!

So it looks like tomorrow I will move the rest of my stuff and be in there for Monday night. He still has more work to do and will be coming in at some point tomorrow also but I have to be there as my couch is getting delivered between 12 and 5pm. So I hope that it all goes well and I will be in my new place tomorrow night. I have some more stuff to pack still but no more boxes so I have to unpack some stuff and come back and re-pack the things I don't have room for yet. Any way I thought I would update the current situation because its a little aggravating and well I need to vent somewhere. So this time I hope that I will not be able to update until my computer is up and running on the 4th!