Puppy Dreams

So this post will be about many different things but I first had to write about my dog, she has what we call puppy dreams. When she is sleeping she starts to make the littles tiny high pitched bark. Its not loud but its a little odd. She does it a few times and then her little paws start to go and move. Its the freaken cutests thing ever. I'm sure that will change once the baby comes and then the baby will have all kinds of the cutest thing ever moments but right now my puppy it so cute.

So its the man's birthday tomorrow and yesterday I took him on a train ride to a small town and we had an alright meal and walked around. I hope he liked it and that it was fun for himI wish we could have gone into the steam part I think that would have tickled him pink. Today I am trying to make him a cake it doesn't smell all that great but who knows maybe it tastes great, it still needs to be iced and what not but its done. At present I am cooking a whole chicken in the oven and am going to make it nice a juicy, will also cook some potatoes I think but not totall sure I totally don't want to cook anything else I'm tried! Between the cooking and the dishes I think I'm done for the night. I wish I had a onion or a lemon to put in the chicken but oh well I'm sure it will turn out just fine.

I have a feeling this week will last forever because next weekend is a long week!!! Woop three days off! Also I get to go back to the doctor so they can tell me how the baby is doing. Great I have to wait to hear how it doing, what a lame ass system, why can't they just tell me when I'm at the ultrasound? Like I know if something was totally wrong they would tell me but I'm totally a worring type person. It's moving around so thats good.

Baby is coming soon and there is some stuff that needs to get done before it comes. Any who I'm tried and I just want to go lay down to bad I have to keep an eye on that bird.

3 more months

Well it is 3 more months until my due date today and things are becoming more and more real as you can now feel the baby kick, but only if it really kicks hard and only in certain spots. I've been able to feel it for a while now but now someone just putting there hand on the spot would feel it. Plus I'm starting the planning for my replacement so that really makes things real. Its good to be planning because it allows me to set the persons objectives for the year I'm away. I love being the head of my department! Its kind of great to be controling all the items on the plan.

I have been feeling a little crappy the last few days I think I need more sleep or something. I have a few more days of work then the weekend but I'm going to try and sleep in. This Friday we are going to a fireworks show I just hope it is nice out. Its kind of a crappy day today and they are saying that tomorrow will be nice but then cloudy for the rest of the week :( Sucky!

I have two appointments next week and have to go for my second diabetes test casue the lady didn't time it right the first time and my blood was high by .2 LORD so now I have to sit there for 2 hours. Fun times. The amount of sugar in that drink they give you is totally crazy its more then some of the meals that I eat and they think that 40 mins will give the right results. Yeah right... well hopefully this time it works out better.

Any who I just thought I would do a little up date I'm pretty sleepy and not feeling 100% so I'm going to lay down.

Happy Friday the 13

Well I do not recall the last Friday the 13th but I know I don't like the movies, I remember my brother watching them and I was freaked out and still deal with the issues from this stupid movie. Thanks Bro :)

The bigger news is that it is in fact Friday and the weekend starts in an hour, tomorrow I don't get to sleep in though because I have to go get some blood work done, I hate blood work the people who poke you all poke you different and some suck ass at it and they hurt you. Others are great at it and it two seconds and over and you feel nothing, but its always a toss up. BOO! Needles in general suck balls!

Then we will clean the car out and maybe try to put the base in for the car seat. Fun times I'm sure. Then I have to figure out what we will do with the bed that is currently in babies room... no idea! Need 3 bedrooms that’s what!

I would for a moment like to talk about heart burn, why the hell do they call it that it has nothing to do with your heart it is in fact your guts that are burning and more so your esophagus that feels likes its on fire, so Gut Burn is more accurate. Any way I have had the WORST freaken gut burn for the past oh 5 days and I want to die, it sucks so much! It sucks to sit up, it sucks to lay down, it suck to eat, it just plan old Sucks the mighty sucky one! When will it go away? Why is it so bad? Lord!

Sleep, I need more sleep but I can't seem to get it things are starting to hurt at night and become more difficult when trying to be comfortable. Even at work its hard to become more and more to sit for the whole time, boo!

Speaking of work... back to it.

Hump Day

Firstly Happy Hump Day to one and all. Its officially the middle of the week and I have to say this week is flying by right now because I had so much stuff to catch up on. It was a bit crazy the amount of things that can and will go wrong well you are gone. Today my boss asked me if I could hold the baby in for an extra month, lol, I said I would try but its not up to me. I think they know how truly amazing I am at my job, she also told me I have to come back. So that’s a good sign. FYI 97 more days until my due date, its finally below 100 days that’s crazy! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom, parent...Nuts!

The man is home :) he came home not last night but the one before, in the middle of the morning hours (3:30am) I woke to a man standing over me, it freaked the crap out of me until I realized who it was then I was so happy, but then he woke me up and snored for an hour and half well I tried to get back to sleep! I was pissed at that, but still happy to have him home. Last night he started snoring again and I was ready to kill him but I still am happy to have him home. I missed him so much. Lord do I ever love that man, what a guy. I went home yesterday and he had moved a bunch of stuff also, that needed to be done, it was so nice to see and made me want to cry, but pretty much everything makes me want to cry right now, give it up for hormones :)

Any way this weekend will be busy full of blood work, farmers markets, and putting together changing table, also more work on the babies’ room as a general whole. Tomorrow I am going to the orchestra :) I love going its so great and I think he likes it too which makes me happy I'm glad we can share that together. Its also his birthday soon and I am planning on taking him on a steam train thru a valley and into a small town then dinner and back home. He knows this already because I asked him if I got this if he would like it and he said yes so that’s good. BUT they might not have a steam train! Its broken and they are trying to fix it but are unsure if it will be up and running by then. If its not he doesn't want to go. Sucks balls! I hope its working by then because I think that its a great way for use to celebrate his day together. This would take place a few days before his real birthday but on his real day I have a little surprise in store for him as well :) fun!

Well that said I should get back to work... Happy Hump Day!!!

Vacation

Vacation is good to take a break and my break has seemed to last forever. I think this is because my man is gone. I trully miss him and can't wait to have him home. My little bun in the oven has decided that it wants to move all the time! Like all the time but the most when I am trying to sleep. The other night it just kept going and going and going, I was thinking this is a sign of what is to come... fun times`

Things are going well I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow because I totally feel useless some times. For example today I have moved some things around that really I shouldn't be moving, done laundry, put away mail and cleaned and I have only been up for 2 hours. I finally got some sleep today! wooh! What for the rest of the day... shopping? put the clothing away, fix a bag I have, and that will take all of two more hours well then what the hell am I to do with myself. I'm getting worried about this year off thing all though I'm sure I will have lots to keep me busy with a baby and all but still I worry that I might go a tiny bit nuts.

What else? I miss my man, I want him home! I hope he is enjoying himself and having a great time off but I just miss him, and its so hard to fall asleep. blah

Any way I should get going lots of things I should do, but I need to remember pace myself.

First OB appointment

Well I have offically had my first OB appointment with the lady who might develier the baby. I say might because it could be any of the doctors at the clinic, but I hope its her I really like her, she was informative and kind.

Scary news: So I have a chronic illness, fun times it is what it is BUT because of this I might have increased chances of mortality, so here is the fun story I have to go to three other specialists before the baby comes.

1) Anesthesiologist - because I might not be able to have a epidural or a spinal tap (just in case I want these I have to go talk to them)

2) Geneticist - because they have to estimate the potential risk to the baby in the event I get to cold. (I told the doctor I'm pretty sure my body would break down to the point where the baby would die if that happened, but I guess there is more risk in having the epidural or a spinal tape and losing heat rather fast which put us both at risk, fun!)

3) High risk Specialized Doctor - because I'm at higher risk of many things so they want me to be informed (like I have not already read everything possible to be informed and some doctor will not scare the crap out of me more. thanks)

So all those things are a little intense to say the least it is not nice knowing that I have a increased risk of death because of all this, that’s kind of intimidating. But I have faith that it will be fine, I'm going to talk more about the risk of a c section at my next appointment because I don't want a c section recovery is hard and bad and I don't heal well all the time so I would rather not. I have read a lot about them and have a pretty good idea why they do them but I really would only want to go there if I for sure have to plus it puts me more at risk because I wont be able to tell if I'm to cold or there for if the baby is to cold. not ok!

Other wise the appointment was really good she talked about risk of high blood pressure and diabetes a lot but I know my body pretty well and I asked her to look at my blood work and blood pressure rates and she was like "wow you have great looking work, its perfect." I know! Thank you just because I am bigger does not mean that I am going to have those things happen, I am pretty healthy and I eat great right now and walk every day 3 times a day because I have a dog! I'm fine, I will be fine and its going to be fine! I just wish I could have some more support here. Someone who just had a child asked me if I have a support network and I laughed and said no not at all, and his face was like Oh my god girl, then he said "You are really going to want to work on that because it is hard at first" Great. All alone in the world, pretty normal, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Any way I should get to work before it gets to late in the day.

I'm offically Broke!

I have been fighting to get out of dept for a while now because in 7 months I would like to try to buy a new car and maybe some day a house, with a yard and a place to park my new car! I am offically broke today because I am almost totally out of the red! So bad but good. I only have to catch up on my student loan and then I'm golden. That might be a bit more difficult because I would have to make some big payments for the next oh 4 months but we will talk to the man about that tonight. We will see how it all pans out. I could maybe do it in less time if I deadicated more funds to the cause but we will have to see.

Things I am working towards:
1) New Computer
2) Becoming dept free! - at lest a few years away I would think. One piece of advise I would like to offer the world is in regards to sending your children to school to further there education. Help the pay for it! Help the save for it! Help them understand that paying off that big of a loan is a challenge when you are first trying to establish yourself in the world. I think if there is one thing I would like to do for my future little one is to start an education fund. Even if I could save a little every month for the next 18 years that could still be a big help because trust me, being in my situation sucks! $50 a month for the next 18 years is a little more then $10,000, with compound interest that could be more!
3) New Car - putting me back into dept more then likely but I don't think my car will last much longer I think at max its got two years before stuff really starts to go wrong on it so the car might wait until it can't wait any more but we will see how that all plays out.
4) House some day for sure putting me back into dept but for good reason. My child deserves a yard to play in, and so does my dog!

Any way thats my little list at the moment and I'm sure more will be added at some point but who knows when. I have my first OB appointment today, wish me luck :)

Way to much Sun!

So over the weekend I spent about 4 hours in the sun, not all at once but total. I think I might have gotten a small amount of heat exhaust. With sun burnt face and arms I'm pretty sure of it. I went to an out door down town event which was nice, but man did I ever get tired fast! I only walked half the event and was done, I think knowing I needed to walk back was part of it because I could have finished the whole thing but then going back might have killed me. It was 26 out at the time I was walking... a little to hot. Then I went out to have dinner at a park, in the middle of no where, with a friend.

Yesterday pissed me off to no end also. The man was suppose to come with me to all this and decided at the last minute he was not going to. THANKS yesterday when I got home I didn't talk to him at all except for a few yes and no's that was it. This morning I left with out a good bye or a kiss, and normally I love that in the morning but I am still and was so disappointed in him for not being considerate of me or what I wanted. We always do shit he wants to do and the one time I ask him to do something with me for me he doesn't end up coming. Well thank you and that is the last time I ask you for anything. I'm so mad that if this is a predictor of the future with him I'm ready to move out. I just don't want to be in something for no reason and I don't want to be in something and hate the other person for petty shit.

Any way I needed to vent that out and we will see how this all plays out. I don't think he is ready for all this and I think that I might be excepting more then I should be but it doesn't feel like I am so it makes it hard.

What else well work has been crazy today, I've been trying to finish this post since this morning and I'm just finishing. I'm sure I have more to say but I also only have 40 mins of work left and way to much to do!

Ouch!

Okay so my back is in so much pain today that I want to cry, and the worse part is that this is just going to keep going for the next 3 month 26 days at the earliest! Thats right I am going to be a mom in 117 days! Which in the grand plan in not a whole lot of time, also I shouldn't be counting down yet it seems a bit early but I know it will fly by.

I am going on vacation soon, going any where... nope staying home more then likely and just maybe starting to set up the baby room... CRAZY! You know I've always wanted to be a mom I think it is one of the single most amazing things that a person can do, being a parent in general its truly amazing. But man I'm totally freaked out, the thought that after all this I'm going to souly be responsible for a little tiny person is a little overwhilming to say the least. Also I'm starting to get all the scary stores now, like 42 hours of labor and barfing and having to have C-sections and lord it goes on and on, totally tarafing. I'm still looking forward to being a mom but I am just feeling like its a bit much. Plus I have no one here to help me. Like what if my man can't get to the hospital there is no one else to call cause they are all far away.

What if I need help, I would be lieing to myself if for one second I thought my mother would be coming here to help me in the begining. So its totally alone, I have delt with the feeling of abandonment my whole life because my parents aren't very involved and never have been involved really at all in my life. The truly have no clue who I am and this becomes more and more evedent all the time when I talk to them. I don't want to feel totally alone in this part of my life and I don't but I just am really worried that something will prevent me from having someone there for me.

Any way I totally need to get some stuff done but I wanted to take a minute to update and let all the people know I'm alive.

Oh I take forever to post

So it again has been a super long time since the last time I took a moment to write. There are many new things in my world at the moment, just moved in with the man which is going much better then it was the first few days! Thank GOD!
Pro's
1) No more packing an over night bag
2) All my stuff is there which makes me feel more comfortable
3) I awlays have someone to snuggle with
4) Endless hugs
5) Just nice

Con's
1) My trip to work has incressed by 20 minutes!
2) He is a bed hog and a blanket theff!
3) No more freedom :P
4) Picking up after someone else!!!! err that needs to be nipped in the bud
5) Growing pains

What else.... that makes this situation even more fun, I'm going to have a baby! Thats right ladies and gentelmen I am pregent. LORD! Which makes me cranky and sore and just want to cry almost all the freaken time. Its stupid. So one thing for you ladies that think this baby crap is all sun shine and flowers. A little FYI pregancy sucks balls! This is what they don't tell you.

They don't tell you that your risk of stuff increases ten fold, or that your feet will swell beond recognition, or that your tummy gets hairy (gross), or that sometimes all you want is to cry, or that you feel like you will never be the same again or any of the bad stuff. I miss being me and feeling some control over my thoughts, emotions and having a memory! I would kill for a beer and a smoke but I cant do that because this little tresetal being has taken up residenace in my womb (Theres a word I didn't think I would use before). All the sudden everything becomes about how is the baby? How are you feeling? You look great and glowing and BLAH and no longer how are you? Accompanied by regluar converstation. LORD

Any way thats life at the moment I sure once the little bundle arrives I will feel differently about all this crap but at present I just want to be myself again. Please don't get me wrong I think being a parent is one of the single most greatest things someone can do but fuck man I just want to be indepent again with no worries and all the oppotions and I think I'm just having some growing pains around that I am ageing and that scares the crap out of me because the more I age the closer the end of all this there is and I just don't feel like I have the time to do all the amazing things I am meant to do. It just all seems a bit sureal at the moment.

Thats all for now I will try and get better at this posting thing. I keep saying that but it never seems to happen.

Sadness

Hey world,

So today my grandfather died, from a heart attack, he was walking away from the hospital and it happened in the parking lot. How sad. But I bet he was totally loanly because my Grandma pasted away in 2006. Wow its almost been 4 years, and I miss her so much she was such a fun little old lady. Always saying some day you'll be able to tell me how crazy I am. Crazy like a fox and fun. I think what makes me the sadest is that his death reminds me of her's and I loved her. Him not as much he was my grandpa and my dads dad and he brought my dad into the world so for that I'm pretty happy about but yeah not the best guy ever. LONG STORY!!!

Any way so now I will be going home sooner then planned which is ok but sad. The worst part I think will be if I have to go to there house. There is still so much of grams there and that will be really hard. My boyfriend asked if I wanted him to come and I would love that but only if her truly wants to be there for me. Other wise I think he should stay away from this whole situation. Fuck its going to be hard to see my brother and my dad in tears. I think that part makes me cry the most.

Any way blah its been a hard day because I am super stupidly emotional. Tomorrow we are talking about heart attacks and ADE's and CRP and all that jazz and well that might be a little bit hard because well it didn't save gramps so how the fuck is it going to save someone else? BLah okay so the boss might need to know that I will maybe have to leave the room. Stupid hormorns setting me off like crazy lately. blah god, alrighty any way I just needed to vent I think I will be ok I hope the weather gets better cause I'll be driving home.

Thats it for tonight. tear - I really need to tell the people in my life that I love them and chairsh the moments I have with them because you never really know when its all going to end. So I love you, my family I love you I love you Ilove you all more then you know. My friends I miss you and love you.

Any way thats all for to night.

Good night

Update Needed

Well I thought it was due time that I updated and now I sit here with very little to write. I feel blank. Hmm I feel sick and I'm really wishing I could talk normally again. I'm so sick and tired of sounding like I do I miss my cute loving voice! SUCKS!!!! Also you know what else sucks feeling nauseous all the freaking time! That and heart burn. Lord I'm not really sure about all this any more ether.

It a little bit freaked out about the situation that I have gotten myself into. Its totally scary and a little bit larger then I think I really am ready for. I'm sure most people at some point in there life think this way but man I'm really not sure about all this. There are so many what if's and so much doubt its just a bit hard to handle. Also I still haven't faced the worse yet. The parents. Lord

Any way that is enough of that less people figure out what I'm talking about, not really ready to announce it to the world.

What else is going on, well work is work its never ending and really I am not so overjoyed there at the moment but its just because I don't feel challenged at all! This job is stupid easy, I mean really there are some brains in doing it but it is totally not my lifes work and that kills me a little bit ever day. I really need to be doing something more with my talents. I'm to good at other stuff for this to be it.

Blah any way this was not meant to be a bitch session or a down boohoo look how hard done by I am thing I was just meant to update. Its Easter weekend... Happy Easter, and I volunteered to cook Easter Dinner for my man and his friends. Not a smart idea mainly because I feel like ass lately and his friend is a cook for a living, so not smart. I pray that it all tastes good.

Any way I'm totally not into writing right now. Until next time and hopefully a more upbeat post!

Does the exhaust ever end?

So over the past few days I have been the most tried person ever! I don't think that have ever been so exhausted my body is totally working in over time these days! Any way what else work goes alright, the man is still fantastic and I am totally crazy about him! And I'm tried, lol always tried I wonder when this stops?

I need to file my taxes and I'm not totally sure I remember how to online so I have to call the people tomorrow and figure that out so I can get that taken care of. I might have to start looking for a new place to live, that's always fun! But that will be decided soon I would think. Within the next few months for sure any way.

Oh well its day light savings today and I feel like I have slept the day away! I had a 3 hour "nap" and slept well last night and I think in less then an hour I will be in bed. How crazy!

Any way I'm off :)

Spring is in the air

Well it is March and it feels like April. It has been sunny and lovely for the past few weeks! This makes me a little concerned.... why you might ask. Well it is because the snow in our country is getting less and less. Less snow means less water. Less water means dry crops, lower food source and less water for people...which is very bad because it could cause death. Now industrialized countries have not a lot to worry about yet however other countries that have more poverty and less resources they are at more risk. So here is were it gets scary in my mind, in these countries a lot of people die every day already which increase the disease in the countries and eventually the spared of disease causing higher death tolls around the world. So if there is less water in the world causing more death which there for causes disease which can spared then the total death rate will increase drastically world wide. Which will eventually come to our wonderful industrial countries.

Alright so that's that! On with other topics that will not cause people to loss sleep at night. I can only hope that someone is losing sleep over that factor and trying to think of how we correct it. But it might be to late... Any way I've been sleeping well lately why because my boyfriends parents are in town and he can't sleep here when they are in town. But I was introduced to the parents. They are nice people I just hope they liked me. Now I just have to get him back to my home town to meet mine... cause they will never come here.

What else oh I have a bitch moment so his parents are in town because it was his dad's brothers 60 birthday party. He and I were walking on the phone and he was saying that he was about to go to this party and I say oh thats were it is thats nice. Then he says "why are you coming?" I say are you asking and he says no I'm not ready for that. WHAT THE HELL okay so I know this is totally a little thing but don't say something like that if you are going to follow it up with the comment her made. I'm totally cool with him not being ready to introduce me to his whole family but like don't ask that. Lord Tip to men: Do not do stupid shit like that.

Any who I'm going to go return some movies and then I think to the flee market. Woop

What a guy!

Alright so I need to take a small break from work to tell you all about something that happened last night. So my boyfriend is pretty great as a general whole because he is kind, silly, and makes me laugh. Last night after a long day of me working he came to my house and cooked dinner. He made some potatoes in the oven and I bite into one and said "to hot" and he starts laughing and says "cool and the gang".

Gets up runs to the computer and you tubes this song, that I am a bit to young to even know. He plays it we eat and he just laughs. We are now in the living room by the computer and he says one more time. Then grabs my arm and dances with me in the living room, I was totally just amazed by him. What a lovely man, what a lovely thing for him to do. I wonder if he has any idea how sweet that was or how much he just made me melt. Goodness Me I'm totally crazy about him!

Any way back to work cause thats what I get paid for but I just had to share that!

Baking Goddess!

I have not baked in a while and my boyfriend had a bunch of apples in his house going bad so he asked me to do something with them. So I took about 15 and now have one large Apple Crisp and Two Apple Cream Pies (currently cooking 5 minutes left).

So the Apple Crisp looks so good and smells amazing! The Apple Cream pie is a first and a new recipe! It looks really good right now. But I'm a little torn about it we will see how it tastes tomorrow. After they are done I am going over to my mans house with the Apple Crisp.

Oh and Happy Valentines Day! We spent yesterday together cause he had to work today. There where some moments that were really good. I am totally smitten with him so anything would have been wonderful to me. I was just totally happy to be hanging out with him. We talked more about the moving in thing and he now seems to thing that it to soon. I think he is just a little scared about all that but who knows so I'm moving up the third flour by the sounds of things woop! Well half woop I am ready to risk great to get greatness! Any who that's all for tonight, I'm going to check on my pies.

Good night to all! :)

15 mins left of work

Ok so I have nothing to do for 15 mins so I thought I would make myself sound busy by typing and what better way then up dating the good old blog.

Whats new:
- I'm in dept and I hate it! lol Thats not new but its become more and more real so thats why I'm writting about it.

- I'm ready to move to a less expensive city but my whole world is here!

- I'm crazy about my man....also not new but hasn't changed, he drives me a little nuts sometimes but all in all hes super great and we are still that couple. lol

- I'm tried all the time! Also not new but an announcment to the world non the less

Thats it really. Nothing all that exciting just life as per the same. Its high time to try a new recipt so I might have to get on that for tomorrow night. Will see.... ok 10 mins left now I think I can pack it up :P

February...

Well its been a little while since I last wrote so I thought an update was needed. It is February and I am feeling oh so crancky and over emotional! Its like lighten hit me and all the sudden I'm this girl who crys over the littlest things, and gets upset for no reason and god someone needs to just make this all stop!

I think tonight I will go for a long walk with the dog and try and walk the stress off, I'm not really sure what the stress is but its there and its burning inside me saying "hit people, hard you will feel better!" Now as much as I think that sounds great it is no not right to smake random people or any one for that matter.

Last night I was so unset because I felt like someone wasn't listening to me, and they were not cause they asked me to repeat what I was saying three times! ERR I felt so mad I cried, what the hell is that? God! Save me from my crazy self. But as is life things cool off and slowly go away and I'm not as upset as I was but I'm still a little cheesed off about it all and just wish they would have listened. What was I trying to say. That I felt like they were holding back, only giving part information and then saying I'll tell you the rest some other time or in a week. DON'T TELL ME SOMETHING AND NOT FINISH IT! AHHHH

Thats really what I need to say is if you want to talk to me say all of what you want to say not just half. And if I ask you something that you are not comfortable talking about with me just yet, just say that! How hard is that? okay so the emotional crazy is because of this and because I'm just not feeling myself today or yesterday... boo!

On side note things are still going well at work, I'm amazing and everyone sees that, its nice to be apperciated for the things I do. I'm still totally crazy about the man even if her drives me a little nuts. I might be moving up to the third floor at the end of the month!!!! WOOP for a belcony, how exciting! I really hope I get to move up I HATE living on the bottom floor. Maybe thats why I'm crazy no natural light for the past year. LORD! Oh and its offically been a year that I have lived where I am, thats crazy! Even more crazy I've lived in this city for four years now! It seems like just yesterday... no thats not true at all it feels like a life time ago that I was back in BC. But life was so differnet, life is so different things have totally changed here, I've changed, I've grown, I've become (normally) a really amazing person here. I mean I was good before but damn I'm good now :P hahah Oh yes and I can ring my own freaken bell after the last two days I've had.

Any way I'm totally at work and need to get back to writing more policies and procedures, and stratigic planning. Lord gross I'm totally one of those people... barf! :P

sleepy!

Its only 9:00pm and I am officially sleepy! Also I slept until like 10:30am... what the heck! Okay so things are going well these days other then feeling totally burnt out today its all good. The stop smoking plan is going good, I still totally have my hard moments like right now, I want to break down and buy a pack but I'm not going to cause its just a waste of money and its killing me.

So last night my lovely man and I went the philharmonic Orchestra to see Dvorak's Heroic Cello. Its one of his more famous pieces of work the Cello Concerto in B minor, The man who was playing the solo was so brilliant! He moved me to tears because it was totally amazing. It was the boyfriends first performance ever! I hope he liked it, this was something really special to share with him as I do not share that love of the arts with many people, but it is truly something I love and hope that I can share in a relationship.

Tomorrow night I am going to sleep over at this house and try the drive in the morning to see how it goes. Glup! I'm totally nervous about this, but also kind of excited because I think that it is a very promising start to something wonderful. He is wonderful and makes me light up.

Any way enough of that. I'm exhausted and am heading to bed! sweet dreams to all

Oh yeah and a photo of Lake Louise

Remember to just Breath

Okay So today is day 3 of the quite smoking plan... how the plan works, STOP SMOKING! Duh ... And at current I am going F*ing nuts cause all I can think about is smoking, all I want is a smoke this is the most god offal feeling in the whole world. To all those people out there in the world thinking about starting to smoke DONT! It is the stupidest thing you can ever do! Why because you will Love it, you will love it so much that you will do it over almost everything. It is a sick addiction and it sucks when you quit if you can quit, cause its evil you think just one little puff couldn't hurt its just to get me buy this moment cause I need it.... NO NO NO NO NO Do not ever smoke save yourself the evil little demon that is now controlling my life and don't do it!

It all I can think about and I think tomorrow it might be a bit easier but I really doubt it they say the third day is the worst well you know what I truly hope it is! Because this sucks balls, big hair ugly balls!

Anyway on to something else.... I'm totally crazy about this man he is just wonderful... and I think we are talking about living together. So I know that might be a little bit fast but we spend every moment possible together now and he is practically living here so it makes scene for us just to live together. But here is the scary part of this... what if it doesn't work out? I move me and my dog in and it doesn't work out and I have to find another place that allows dogs... Very hard to do. If we move in together and it doesn't work out then not only do I loss my place but I loss my boyfriend.... scary! I'm not alone any more... how is this a negative? Well I have grow to love my free time, and my alone time, I really enjoy having time to myself and this would mean having to consider someone else ALL THE TIME! Oh yeah I forgot to mention TRAFFIC! So at current I live about 5 mins from work.. which is awesome! But moving in with him would mean I would be moving way far away from work! SUCKS

Plus side, we are living together and no much changes because we spend all our extra time together now only there is not two sets of everything, which would be nice. Living right next to a park! How lovely just to go for walks and enjoy nature I think that would be nice. I'm kind of falling for the guy and to be with him would be totally joyful and great!

Oh I don't know... when is it to soon to move in with your other? I'm going to go shopping cause I need to not be at home where I could smoke if I wanted to I need to be somewhere that is NON SMOKING all the time cause right now I feel like I'm going to break.

Alright thats all night all