Sadness

Hey world,

So today my grandfather died, from a heart attack, he was walking away from the hospital and it happened in the parking lot. How sad. But I bet he was totally loanly because my Grandma pasted away in 2006. Wow its almost been 4 years, and I miss her so much she was such a fun little old lady. Always saying some day you'll be able to tell me how crazy I am. Crazy like a fox and fun. I think what makes me the sadest is that his death reminds me of her's and I loved her. Him not as much he was my grandpa and my dads dad and he brought my dad into the world so for that I'm pretty happy about but yeah not the best guy ever. LONG STORY!!!

Any way so now I will be going home sooner then planned which is ok but sad. The worst part I think will be if I have to go to there house. There is still so much of grams there and that will be really hard. My boyfriend asked if I wanted him to come and I would love that but only if her truly wants to be there for me. Other wise I think he should stay away from this whole situation. Fuck its going to be hard to see my brother and my dad in tears. I think that part makes me cry the most.

Any way blah its been a hard day because I am super stupidly emotional. Tomorrow we are talking about heart attacks and ADE's and CRP and all that jazz and well that might be a little bit hard because well it didn't save gramps so how the fuck is it going to save someone else? BLah okay so the boss might need to know that I will maybe have to leave the room. Stupid hormorns setting me off like crazy lately. blah god, alrighty any way I just needed to vent I think I will be ok I hope the weather gets better cause I'll be driving home.

Thats it for tonight. tear - I really need to tell the people in my life that I love them and chairsh the moments I have with them because you never really know when its all going to end. So I love you, my family I love you I love you Ilove you all more then you know. My friends I miss you and love you.

Any way thats all for to night.

Good night

Update Needed

Well I thought it was due time that I updated and now I sit here with very little to write. I feel blank. Hmm I feel sick and I'm really wishing I could talk normally again. I'm so sick and tired of sounding like I do I miss my cute loving voice! SUCKS!!!! Also you know what else sucks feeling nauseous all the freaking time! That and heart burn. Lord I'm not really sure about all this any more ether.

It a little bit freaked out about the situation that I have gotten myself into. Its totally scary and a little bit larger then I think I really am ready for. I'm sure most people at some point in there life think this way but man I'm really not sure about all this. There are so many what if's and so much doubt its just a bit hard to handle. Also I still haven't faced the worse yet. The parents. Lord

Any way that is enough of that less people figure out what I'm talking about, not really ready to announce it to the world.

What else is going on, well work is work its never ending and really I am not so overjoyed there at the moment but its just because I don't feel challenged at all! This job is stupid easy, I mean really there are some brains in doing it but it is totally not my lifes work and that kills me a little bit ever day. I really need to be doing something more with my talents. I'm to good at other stuff for this to be it.

Blah any way this was not meant to be a bitch session or a down boohoo look how hard done by I am thing I was just meant to update. Its Easter weekend... Happy Easter, and I volunteered to cook Easter Dinner for my man and his friends. Not a smart idea mainly because I feel like ass lately and his friend is a cook for a living, so not smart. I pray that it all tastes good.

Any way I'm totally not into writing right now. Until next time and hopefully a more upbeat post!