First OB appointment

Well I have offically had my first OB appointment with the lady who might develier the baby. I say might because it could be any of the doctors at the clinic, but I hope its her I really like her, she was informative and kind.

Scary news: So I have a chronic illness, fun times it is what it is BUT because of this I might have increased chances of mortality, so here is the fun story I have to go to three other specialists before the baby comes.

1) Anesthesiologist - because I might not be able to have a epidural or a spinal tap (just in case I want these I have to go talk to them)

2) Geneticist - because they have to estimate the potential risk to the baby in the event I get to cold. (I told the doctor I'm pretty sure my body would break down to the point where the baby would die if that happened, but I guess there is more risk in having the epidural or a spinal tape and losing heat rather fast which put us both at risk, fun!)

3) High risk Specialized Doctor - because I'm at higher risk of many things so they want me to be informed (like I have not already read everything possible to be informed and some doctor will not scare the crap out of me more. thanks)

So all those things are a little intense to say the least it is not nice knowing that I have a increased risk of death because of all this, that’s kind of intimidating. But I have faith that it will be fine, I'm going to talk more about the risk of a c section at my next appointment because I don't want a c section recovery is hard and bad and I don't heal well all the time so I would rather not. I have read a lot about them and have a pretty good idea why they do them but I really would only want to go there if I for sure have to plus it puts me more at risk because I wont be able to tell if I'm to cold or there for if the baby is to cold. not ok!

Other wise the appointment was really good she talked about risk of high blood pressure and diabetes a lot but I know my body pretty well and I asked her to look at my blood work and blood pressure rates and she was like "wow you have great looking work, its perfect." I know! Thank you just because I am bigger does not mean that I am going to have those things happen, I am pretty healthy and I eat great right now and walk every day 3 times a day because I have a dog! I'm fine, I will be fine and its going to be fine! I just wish I could have some more support here. Someone who just had a child asked me if I have a support network and I laughed and said no not at all, and his face was like Oh my god girl, then he said "You are really going to want to work on that because it is hard at first" Great. All alone in the world, pretty normal, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Any way I should get to work before it gets to late in the day.

I'm offically Broke!

I have been fighting to get out of dept for a while now because in 7 months I would like to try to buy a new car and maybe some day a house, with a yard and a place to park my new car! I am offically broke today because I am almost totally out of the red! So bad but good. I only have to catch up on my student loan and then I'm golden. That might be a bit more difficult because I would have to make some big payments for the next oh 4 months but we will talk to the man about that tonight. We will see how it all pans out. I could maybe do it in less time if I deadicated more funds to the cause but we will have to see.

Things I am working towards:
1) New Computer
2) Becoming dept free! - at lest a few years away I would think. One piece of advise I would like to offer the world is in regards to sending your children to school to further there education. Help the pay for it! Help the save for it! Help them understand that paying off that big of a loan is a challenge when you are first trying to establish yourself in the world. I think if there is one thing I would like to do for my future little one is to start an education fund. Even if I could save a little every month for the next 18 years that could still be a big help because trust me, being in my situation sucks! $50 a month for the next 18 years is a little more then $10,000, with compound interest that could be more!
3) New Car - putting me back into dept more then likely but I don't think my car will last much longer I think at max its got two years before stuff really starts to go wrong on it so the car might wait until it can't wait any more but we will see how that all plays out.
4) House some day for sure putting me back into dept but for good reason. My child deserves a yard to play in, and so does my dog!

Any way thats my little list at the moment and I'm sure more will be added at some point but who knows when. I have my first OB appointment today, wish me luck :)

Way to much Sun!

So over the weekend I spent about 4 hours in the sun, not all at once but total. I think I might have gotten a small amount of heat exhaust. With sun burnt face and arms I'm pretty sure of it. I went to an out door down town event which was nice, but man did I ever get tired fast! I only walked half the event and was done, I think knowing I needed to walk back was part of it because I could have finished the whole thing but then going back might have killed me. It was 26 out at the time I was walking... a little to hot. Then I went out to have dinner at a park, in the middle of no where, with a friend.

Yesterday pissed me off to no end also. The man was suppose to come with me to all this and decided at the last minute he was not going to. THANKS yesterday when I got home I didn't talk to him at all except for a few yes and no's that was it. This morning I left with out a good bye or a kiss, and normally I love that in the morning but I am still and was so disappointed in him for not being considerate of me or what I wanted. We always do shit he wants to do and the one time I ask him to do something with me for me he doesn't end up coming. Well thank you and that is the last time I ask you for anything. I'm so mad that if this is a predictor of the future with him I'm ready to move out. I just don't want to be in something for no reason and I don't want to be in something and hate the other person for petty shit.

Any way I needed to vent that out and we will see how this all plays out. I don't think he is ready for all this and I think that I might be excepting more then I should be but it doesn't feel like I am so it makes it hard.

What else well work has been crazy today, I've been trying to finish this post since this morning and I'm just finishing. I'm sure I have more to say but I also only have 40 mins of work left and way to much to do!

Ouch!

Okay so my back is in so much pain today that I want to cry, and the worse part is that this is just going to keep going for the next 3 month 26 days at the earliest! Thats right I am going to be a mom in 117 days! Which in the grand plan in not a whole lot of time, also I shouldn't be counting down yet it seems a bit early but I know it will fly by.

I am going on vacation soon, going any where... nope staying home more then likely and just maybe starting to set up the baby room... CRAZY! You know I've always wanted to be a mom I think it is one of the single most amazing things that a person can do, being a parent in general its truly amazing. But man I'm totally freaked out, the thought that after all this I'm going to souly be responsible for a little tiny person is a little overwhilming to say the least. Also I'm starting to get all the scary stores now, like 42 hours of labor and barfing and having to have C-sections and lord it goes on and on, totally tarafing. I'm still looking forward to being a mom but I am just feeling like its a bit much. Plus I have no one here to help me. Like what if my man can't get to the hospital there is no one else to call cause they are all far away.

What if I need help, I would be lieing to myself if for one second I thought my mother would be coming here to help me in the begining. So its totally alone, I have delt with the feeling of abandonment my whole life because my parents aren't very involved and never have been involved really at all in my life. The truly have no clue who I am and this becomes more and more evedent all the time when I talk to them. I don't want to feel totally alone in this part of my life and I don't but I just am really worried that something will prevent me from having someone there for me.

Any way I totally need to get some stuff done but I wanted to take a minute to update and let all the people know I'm alive.

Oh I take forever to post

So it again has been a super long time since the last time I took a moment to write. There are many new things in my world at the moment, just moved in with the man which is going much better then it was the first few days! Thank GOD!
Pro's
1) No more packing an over night bag
2) All my stuff is there which makes me feel more comfortable
3) I awlays have someone to snuggle with
4) Endless hugs
5) Just nice

Con's
1) My trip to work has incressed by 20 minutes!
2) He is a bed hog and a blanket theff!
3) No more freedom :P
4) Picking up after someone else!!!! err that needs to be nipped in the bud
5) Growing pains

What else.... that makes this situation even more fun, I'm going to have a baby! Thats right ladies and gentelmen I am pregent. LORD! Which makes me cranky and sore and just want to cry almost all the freaken time. Its stupid. So one thing for you ladies that think this baby crap is all sun shine and flowers. A little FYI pregancy sucks balls! This is what they don't tell you.

They don't tell you that your risk of stuff increases ten fold, or that your feet will swell beond recognition, or that your tummy gets hairy (gross), or that sometimes all you want is to cry, or that you feel like you will never be the same again or any of the bad stuff. I miss being me and feeling some control over my thoughts, emotions and having a memory! I would kill for a beer and a smoke but I cant do that because this little tresetal being has taken up residenace in my womb (Theres a word I didn't think I would use before). All the sudden everything becomes about how is the baby? How are you feeling? You look great and glowing and BLAH and no longer how are you? Accompanied by regluar converstation. LORD

Any way thats life at the moment I sure once the little bundle arrives I will feel differently about all this crap but at present I just want to be myself again. Please don't get me wrong I think being a parent is one of the single most greatest things someone can do but fuck man I just want to be indepent again with no worries and all the oppotions and I think I'm just having some growing pains around that I am ageing and that scares the crap out of me because the more I age the closer the end of all this there is and I just don't feel like I have the time to do all the amazing things I am meant to do. It just all seems a bit sureal at the moment.

Thats all for now I will try and get better at this posting thing. I keep saying that but it never seems to happen.