Wow I don't really write all that often, I feel super disconnected from people right now so maybe thats why I haven't wrote in a while. I didn't want some anger to come out in a bad way but let me just say this, when I am old and my child is grown I will still call, I will still care and I will want to see him for more then a second especially if he is miles away. I can not even think I would ever want any less as I love that boy more then anything. The fact that I have no idea who my brother is and my parents hardly ever talk to me is just sad. I look at my son and think how could I ever just not care about you enough to want to be in your life. Its hurtful and wrong and shitty! I hate that they don't know him and fucking say shit like "he's looking at us like who are you people" Well DUH he doesn't know who the fuck you are cause you are never around. You don't talk to him, you don't see him, he will never know you because you suck~!
So I'm a little disappointed in them to say the least, and its shitty that they don't care! Its shitty that they will never know him and its shitty that they have no fucking clue as to who I am. Cause I'm fucking amazing. I am kind, I am smart, I am important but just not to them. Assholes. Err ok I think I'm done with that now.
The little man is great, getting smarter every day, having fun learning lots and just generally a great kid! I value him in my life more then anyone can understand! The Man is alright and we have been doing pretty well lately, I think we might be starting to get this who thing together better and better. I still don't trust him very much and kind of wonder about things but I think we are in a good spot to rebuild some trust and move forward in kindness and love and honesty.
We are going away in a few days to a different city to check it out and for the man to have an interview, should be interesting. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet but I think I'm really ready to not be where we are. I love the city don't get me wrong but I can not give my son the things I want to here. Like a yard, a life time home, learning how to plant and grow things, just things that I value from my child hood. Even tho my parents sucked at the best of times we still learnt a whole lot of different things which I would like to pass on to him.
Any way I'm starting to get upset again so I think before this post gets any more unpleasant I'm going to go. Oh I hate car shopping and hope that it ends soon!!!! Good night all
