Feeling the need

I have the desire to go back to my home province. I'm not totally sure why, but its been this way for a while now. The only thing keeping me here is my job, which I love! So I am happy in one area in my life thats better then none! I just don't think going back home is going to make a difference at all. I've been looking into jobs and thinking a lot about school but nothing seems to fit, I need to get another job here just to get by its starting to really drain my account living here, however the places where I would be willing to live are just as expensive and I would not be able to find a job like I have and even if I did would that be the fit? No idea, I know I'm looking for something I just don't know what.

The other day at work I had my first I hate my job moment and I was blown away by that, It was such a hard day and I was just overwhelmed and my head was spinning. I'm not sure how much I like it here, I mean its a city and its alright but I'm so lonely here thats not even funny I feel so disconnected from life sometimes. I am not sure what I should do. I think I want to go back but if I do what will that mean? what will it bring me? and is it what I should be doing? Nothing is going to change here, I will have two jobs soon be working so hard that I will feel like I'm going to break and have no life really. I just want to feel whole and I know right now that I don't for some reason.

I need something I wish the world would just hurry up and show me what that is.

Trying to figure this all out

I know that some times life just happens for a reason but I'm starting to wonder what its all about. Why have I been picked to be here and what is this all for. I think I'm a little down lately. It seems like life is out to bit me in the ass these days. I know the last few posting have been really positive and you know I've had some great times these past few weeks but it just seems like I'm waiting for something that is never going to happen. Its thanks giving weekend and I feel that I have much to be thankful for but the things that I really wish I had are not present in my life at this point in time.

I've been trying to get out of my norm and do somethings that I wish I was more like, it seems to be going well but at the same time it seems like its all just not going anywhere. I just wish so many things. I'm looking for a second job because funds are super tight right now, I wish life was just a little easier. I have this need to go somewhere and do something and just live a little bit. I feel like a bit of a drown lately, get up go to work, get up go to work, wend go for drinks, finally friday roles around and all the same shit all the time wanting to do something no one to do it with. Why not get another job make more money and at lest I'm not sitting around my house feeling low.

I am going to hope that this other job I applied for comes through and that I can make enough money to get by in a better way. Thats it for now.