Saturday, October 20, 2007

Feeling the need

I have the desire to go back to my home province. I'm not totally sure why, but its been this way for a while now. The only thing keeping me here is my job, which I love! So I am happy in one area in my life thats better then none! I just don't think going back home is going to make a difference at all. I've been looking into jobs and thinking a lot about school but nothing seems to fit, I need to get another job here just to get by its starting to really drain my account living here, however the places where I would be willing to live are just as expensive and I would not be able to find a job like I have and even if I did would that be the fit? No idea, I know I'm looking for something I just don't know what.

The other day at work I had my first I hate my job moment and I was blown away by that, It was such a hard day and I was just overwhelmed and my head was spinning. I'm not sure how much I like it here, I mean its a city and its alright but I'm so lonely here thats not even funny I feel so disconnected from life sometimes. I am not sure what I should do. I think I want to go back but if I do what will that mean? what will it bring me? and is it what I should be doing? Nothing is going to change here, I will have two jobs soon be working so hard that I will feel like I'm going to break and have no life really. I just want to feel whole and I know right now that I don't for some reason.

I need something I wish the world would just hurry up and show me what that is.

1 comment:

april said...

Find another small job and go back to school
Get direction at school - you know you need to finish your bachelors - finish it! You can do it here and just have a part time job - or something. Happiness is what you make of it -if you've tried to make it work and it isn't stop now before you go further into debt... you might not want to live with us but there is lots to rent here... or anywhere in BC... you can always visit the city and get your fill - that's what we do - I like the idea of the city but life would never meet the life I have here and we could never afford it - our town is what we make of it - if you think it sucks it will suck - if you make it fun - it will be fun - you can have that here - it is up to you - it would be a good christmas gift for us - but you need to make the decision for yourself... love ya