A joyful and breaking heart all at the same time

First I feel so blessed in my life to have the most amazing little man ever he is smart, cute, silly and just the best thing in the world. I love him more then anything in this world and tomorrow he is one! One year ago today I sat in a hospital waiting for him to come, I was all alone because the Man didn't spend a lot of time with me there. I can't believe how fast time has gone by and that tomorrow he will be one year old! What a year its been he is so amazing and how he has changed is just wow! Joyful heart of mine I love him so I am so thankful for him and the gifts he brings me every day.

Now to address the heart break... the man cheated on me, on November 4 he went away for some job thing and because I didn't go he thought it would be a good call to post on craigslist looking for sex and then he met someone and did the unthinkable in my mind, he had sex with her. On November 7th I found out about it and life will never be the same. We will be going to court on Monday to see who gets the right to raise our son. I don't have much doubt that I will because I am an amazing mom and I will do right by that boy!

I can't believe he is tossing this all away I even asked if he would be willing to do some things so we could work on stuff, who the fuck does that? And he will not do anything. I think I am just so hurt by all of this I feel empty and sad. But I know my future will be bright because I will have the most important person in the world in my life. My son! Whom I love if you didn't notice :P

I just wish the man wanted to fight for me but really what makes me think he would he slept with someone else! I hate that he has done this to us, and I really hate him for all of this. More then anything though I think I'm just really sad. I wanted a life that now I'm not sure I will find. Maybe I will but now I'm a package deal and have a ton of baggage so its going to be a hard go at life for the next little while.

Wish me luck, hopefully will up date soon.

Have you ever felt like just crying?

So I feel super over worked! The Man is on night shifts and I am on baby duty all the fucking time, cause he sleeps once he is home. I have felt over worked for the last year almost because it feels like I do everything for that kid, its a little exhusting! I am so happy that I am going back to work and he can get a taste of what its like to take care of him cause I'm burnt out! I totally love that little man but man some times I just need a break. OH and I'm totally going out for the first time with some ladies tomorrow! WOOh yeah! Excited!!!

what else... well the man turned down the job in the other city, so we are staying here and I get to work which I have never been so happy about! I feel kind of bad saying this but I can't wait to be baby free for a few hours a day! I've never felt so drained and speaking of which I should go cause I'm exhusted. I just really needed to vent cause I'm feeling a bit nuts!

wow time flys

So in a little more then a week my lovely little man will be one! One year old, I can't believe I am here at this stage, some times it seems a bit surreal but I wouldn't have it any other way because he is the love of my life. I never knew I could be so in love! Thats not true I did I just didn't know it would be with a little tiny man!

We are at a cross roads The Man has a job offer in another city and isn't sure what to do yet, he has to tell them today! I also got a job offer for a part time gig that would allow me to be at home with my little man and still make some money but it is here. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation.

Blah my computer is about to loss batter power and my charger is on a different level so I guess thats all I have to say for now.