Friday, June 22, 2012

All joking aside

Okay God if you are out there this is it I'm really just in need of a big monster sign that I am doing stuff right here. Is that to much to ask? I know your busy with all the other issues in the world that I'm sure are much more vast then mine but please I just really need to know if the choices I'm making are truly just total rubbish and I just need to stop and see that its never going to be right. Things aren't even that bad things are pretty good but I feel like I'm going mad!

Who new this is how things would work out, really! I just really am ready to not have to worry any more to not feel so nuts. I'm reading a book right now that seems to be helping me make some good sense of what I've been going through here and I am thankful I have read it thus far but it really has made me pretty mad and question a lot. I'm not at the point in the book where its suppose to start helping and man I sure hope it does. Cause honestly I just want something joyful in my life again. I want to fight for me and my joy. I want to shine so bright that you need sunglasses to even get a look at how amazing I am! You know something, I am amazing I have so much to offer to the world and I know that my purpose here has been put on hold because of a few things but I'm ok with that for now. I just know that I am ready to start living again and stop holding on to all this shit and I really just need to know that this is right or not.

I think the book is helping but it takes so long to read! I hate being a slow reader and I hate that I have a hard time doing it. I'm only a 1/4 way through and its been days! Well at least I'm doing it right? Any way before my love gets up I need to go eat and stuff so I'm going to end there.

I kinda miss my family also, I wish I felt like they where more involved in my life I could use some soild support and love right now from people who are really there just for my joy and I feel really alone. 

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