Sunday, June 17, 2012

Coming to a close

Well things are coming to a close and I feel like we might be making progress. I'm not totally sure that this is the right thing for me to keep doing right now but I am also feeling like I have no choice but to see how it goes. Man having kids makes things a lot harder! I feel pretty alone and kind of empty inside right now. I feel really disconnected from everything and just hope that I can start going back to the person I once was. Thats really what matters to me. I am that person somewhere and I just want to feel joy again.

I know I've never been good at letting things go but this is the one thing I think I just need to let the universe have and see how it all happens. I feel like I am a good person and good things happen to good people so I'm hoping that karma will come on in and give me some love. 

I feel defeated lately like the life has been sucked out of me. I think I need a hobby or something to bring some life back into me but what? I use to love, not true still love, to sing and I was thinking of finding a singing group to join but who has the time for that? I'm also not sure I would be supported in wanting to do that or if someone would just guilt me for being out of the house and not at home some times... I also would like to buy a camera, but am kinda broke. I would like to start shooting some stuff I think I have a pretty good eye and I wonder if I could make some side money doing that. I love taking photos and getting those special moments. But thats on the back right now. I also would like to start my own practice doing some consulting but don't really have the time right now.

Hmm what else the man has interviewed a lot lately but all in another stupid city in this stupid province and non back in the home land which makes me sad! I want to go home so bad!!! I miss how beautiful it is there. I would love to be closer to some people and I wish others carried enough to come here. I can't believe that at my age I feel totally abandoned by people who where major factors in my life. I can't believe how shitty they have made me feel and I can't believe I have allowed it. Although that does explain why I allow some super shitty shit to happen in my life. huh thats a eye opening moment... Maybe I'm doing this because it feels like something I have experienced before. wow to much to take in right now. Any way I just wanted to up date and right now I'm a little numb and a lot concerned for my future but I still have hope so thats promising!

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