Thursday, July 12, 2012

Caught in the middle

Well today I found out I passed a test that I thought for sure I flopped on and that was a great feeling. I feel like I am much more able then I give myself credit for. I also told a very good opportunity that I need to back away from it because might be moving in a few months. Also because I wasn't feeling good about some of the things they wanted to know about me. Or having to talk to other people about them... So I just decided to not do it. But the shitty thing is now I have to lie to someone else and I don't like that feeling at all!

I honestly hope I do well on an interview I have coming up I think the relocation would be good for me and allow me to be somewhere that gives my lovely little man the chance to get to know some people who I wish he knew. It also gets me into a job that offers me some great benefits and a way to retire some day... which is a good thing and something I think I need. Just means my stay at home mom days would be over and that makes me a little sad cause I really love spending time with my son. I however think it would be excellent for him to go out and become more of his own person. But I will miss him a whole lot! It makes me really sad to think about not having as much time with him. Sometimes I still wish I worked even a little bit just for a break but I really love being with him. I know he is safe, I know he is well taken care of and I am there if he needs me. Tonight he got a bad cut on his eye lid. Dad wasn't watching... but I made it better I fixed him up gave him some love and made it better.

I just feel really caught in between a rock and a hard place! Also the job back home would mean that if I wanted to end things with the man that it would be a whole lot easier to do so, that way I applied for it in the first place cause I was totally set on going home at that point. Any way I just wanted to up date I'm feeling better these days but wonder what life has in store for me over these next few months. I'm sure it will be all a lot of change whatever it is...

Love to all and to all good night

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