Well things are a little more chill in my house and I am feeling a little bit better. The police talked to him and they are not pressing charges at the moment. He is not coming home tonight but will be here for 10am tomorrow to talk a few things over. I'm not totally sure yet what will happen yet or what I want but I know all this needs to end now. I'm at a cross roads here, I have no idea what the right move is. Well thats not totally true I think a small part of me knows what the most positive out come would be but I also feel like I just need someone to have a wake up call about what is going on here and make some big choices. I really want a joyful life and I really hoped he would be part of that. I don't want to be answering questions about him that I can't answer, I don't want my son to hate me for taking him away from his dad. I don't want to have to deal with all of that and most of all I don't want him to feel the pain that will go with all of that. That sucks... because it means I am causing my son a world of pain in his future and that breaks my heart. I can live with out the man, I will some day meet someone else who will do right by me. But to break my sons heart just makes me feel like the worlds worst mother.
I don't want to hurt my son, I don't want to be hurt any more and I still have no clue what I will do I guess I will have to wake up tomorrow with some kind of choice. I just hope I can stand up for what is going to be the best choice for me and my love. This life is once and I will not live it like this, I will not allow someone to do this to me or show my son a poor example of what a man is. Lord grant me strength in my heart and stillness in my mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment