Lets talk breast feeding today, so everyone and there dog knows breast is best but it does not work for everyone. Well I am one of those people that it just didn't work for, I put in a weeks worth of work trying and hoping they would work but they just didn't. One side wasn't pulling anything out and the other got so engorged that I thought I was going to die when I was trying to pump. That said I went to the doctor got antibiotics and hoped that the infection would go away, which it pretty well has. But now I have the most crazy guilt because I can not feed my child. It sucks! What makes this worse is that everyone else and there dog likes to rub in the fact that I am not doing and the man is not super helpful ether he is one of them who likes to rub it in more then any one. He seems to think I only tried for two days not quite thank you.
I don't know about all you out there but after have a nurse man handle my breasts, squishing and pulling them and shoving them in my kids face then pumping for 20 mins per side for the 4 days in the hospital then trying to pump at home is not trying then I don't know what the fuck is. I'm super sensitive about this topic because it makes me feel like shit! Like does everyone think I went into this going hahaha fuckers I'm not going to breast feed I just want to flush money down the drain paying to formula and not providing the best for my child. Really? errr!
Any way I could go on about that forever so moving on to the other things. Not only do I have guilt I also have a gas baby because of this stupidity! Poor little ninja!!!! He has so much gas and I don't know how to help him, we are presently trying Gripe Water. It seems to be helping a lot which is nice because he was so unhappy and uncomfortable. He has decided that between 11pm and 2am that he would like to be awake and fussy! Awesome! All he wants to do is suck, cry, suck, cry, lay there, look around, cry and suck some more. Its super frustrating because I don't understand why this is happening. I just would like him to be awake in the day time. I'm also trying to get him to sleep longer at night. Which is why I'm up right now. He started getting fussy in his bed but I'm trying to keep him sleeping and relaxed so that he will sleep for 4 hours at night rather then 3 which is really to benefit me and my man. We have a half hour before he makes it and I think its looking good.
What else? I now understand what tried really is! I have a greater apperciation for women who can breast feed and I feel like this past week has been the longest one ever. Also I am still hurt and sore and doing way to much to early but feel like I have to because other wise it seems that people think I'm lazy. Sorry did you just have a truck drive through your lady parts? No I don't think so why am I laying down? Cause it hurts! lord.
Any way enough bitching from me for one post. I am on the the positive the most proud mother of the world cutest little man, he is so wonderful and I am so in love with him.
1 comment:
I soooo know how you feel!
Your parts need to heal. Must heal and you should rest and limit heavy activity to seal properly. This might sound really odd but you could (when you have a free quiet moment) take regular small lamp and take off the shade and then sit in front of that heat to heal up your girlie parts - I know this sounds awful but it helps in the healing process - they did this with me at the hospital but I didn't tear as bad as you... might be something to help.
I'm sorry to tell you that trying to get them into a schedule is going to be like herding cats - they aren't built that way and yes, you will be sleepy and mad and crazy.
If people have such issue with breastfeeding then ask them if they'd like to try because they would have as much success as you are having - sometimes things don't work and when you've got girl parts trying to heal and your body is trying to adjust things just don't work and if you were also infected - I mean - it is just a lot playing against you. You can keep trying though - if you really want to succeed at it then keep trying - maybe it will work... I have no idea how long it is suppose to take or what is suppose to happen - I had NO support, no one helped me and pumping was a disaster - I just would cry and cry - spend time with your ninja - it sounds like things are going well between you two - oh and gas - maybe you have the wrong formula for him - that can totally happen with a formula that isn't agreeing with him - what are you using?
Sigh - remember that this too will pass and you will heal and feel great and be back to your normal self soon enough and that your baby will grow and life will be grand - if your man isn't getting everything - well then oh well - he isn't having to go through everything and men don't understand how life changing this is and how much stress is involved in all of this - love you lots - can't wait to see you on skype again.. no chance you might be changing your mind and heading to Q-town for xmas? what about the move? - even though that is farther away than Cowtown...
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