Hmm

So I had a job interview today that went very well, its for a second job. She is going to call my references tomorrow and then let me know, she really liked me and what I had to say she just said she needed to make sure I was as good as I sound.

I thought I would update on that guy, so I think I scared him away a little because I asked him if we where dating or not. I think I might have moved a little fast for him, because the last time I saw him he was very distant and acting a little odd. So now I have to try and rebuild what I might have broken. I really like him and would really like to see where this is all going.

I hope to see him again soon but I'm not totally sure what will happen at this point. All I can do is hope. I want to see him very much. I also hope that he is as worth it as I think he is. Any who what else is going on???

Work is going well, still wishing I made more money but what can you do, not in the field I am in for the money! My lips have been so chapped lately and not from something good like kissing! From the stupid weather, they hurt so much! I might not be drinking as much water as I should be ether so that needs to start happening.

Might make a trip back to my home town soon, that will be really nice to see the nephews and my sister. Not sure if I will see the rents while I am there but who knows. The last talk I had with mother did not go very well. No idea! Any way I think I'm down for tonight will try to write more some time soon.

Welcome 2008!

Happy New Year!

It is the end of a year and a road full of possibilities for many. A time for resolution, a time for starting a new and a time for looking back. This past year has been a roller coaster for me its been a year of sorrow, grief and lost in many ways. However it has also been a year of discovery, growth, and foundation building. I have been through more this year then what I ever thought I would have to go through, as said before a roller coaster! I would truly like this year to be the one that shines.

There are many things I would like to do and some that might be harder then others. The first of which I am starting to make moves to this Saturday. I ran into my old boss who began to ask me how I was liking my job, and I said love it, would like to make more money but love it! He offered me a job, gave me his card and said call me ASAP. Tomorrow I think I will to find out the details of what that would look like. I think this job might be good to go back to not at all in the same field which I think I really need! Will see how that all goes.

I'm hoping much for this year to come and I have no idea what it will bring. Such is life. Always hoping for the best never knowing for sure! I hope the new year brings every one a little peace, joy, happiness and love. Cheers

Something is happening

I have been seeing this guy for a little while now and I think I'm starting to really like him. I'm not sure what we are doing yet or if we are even really dating but I like him a whole lot. Last night we spent talking and laughing and falling asleep in each others arms it was beautiful. There is something very mysterious about him and I find that very intriguing. I hope that he will make some kind of commitment some day because I can not keep going on like this.

I am alone for the holidays, I was to be going back to my home town but at the last min that changed. I'm not totally sure what I will do yet, but I would like to thank all the people I know for the kind thoughts and invites to join them. I do not want to be a burden so I think I will just stay at home. I think I'm going to start making my own thing up because I don't want this to happen next year. You know its been more then a year since I have seen my parents and it does not seem that they care all that much. At lest this is home my mother is making it out to be.

I am feeling a little lost these days, its not a good thing, and I really want it to go away. I work tomorrow Christmas eve and I work, was not suppose to but am, didn't want to stay home and cry more, I think I have cried enough the last few days for a few years now. Any way I think I'm going to head out for a little bit here or do something any way. I would like to wish everyone in the world Happy Holidays and may you and yours be filled with joy.

I think my body is trying to tell me something

So I am now another year older, and I think that something is going on. I first had a really bad cold lost my voice and felt super dizzy all the time, thought I would totally better just in time for my big day. Then on that night started to feel sick. Spent last night in the No Urgent Emergency room although they made it seem like it was pretty urgent. Got an IV due to Dehydration and fever got released at like 4:30 or something. So much fun. I'm not totally sure what my body is trying to tell me but maybe its a combination of stress and not being as health, even though I thought I was doing great. I have 11 days until I get a week off which I'm hoping will be a nice change.

Any who I just wanted to update saying I'm alive, not so well but alive non the less. I hope I feel better tomorrow really need to be at work for a meeting man I just want to not feel so shitty and I really wish I had it in me to eat something. I feel hungry but I also feel like if I put anything in me its just going to be a bad idea. Need some soup that might be the easiest to get down. Any way I'm going to go now.

hehehehe fun

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge! Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

hee hee

Your Elf Name Is...

Sassy Slave O' Santa

What's Your Elf Name?

So sleepy!

I would not trade anything for last night, but I am more sleepy then I have ever been in my life. As you have guessed I'm not at my second job why you ask well thats because I'm running off of 2 hours of sleep right now and I know I need the money but I think my mental health and well being is a little more important then money. I might not be saying that later but for now I know its the right thing to do. I spend the best night ever sitting in my car with this person who has captured a great part of myself. I was up until 4 am talking and just enjoying the company of this wonderful person.

I have no idea where this will all go or what it means but I know I would not trade anything in the world for last night. It was more then fantastic! It was like a painting that will forever be engraved in my minds eye. I hope that this person wants to see me again I truly don't think that he would be that kind of person but all I know is I want to be in his presents again. I think that I am a little in over my head, but I like it! I say this because he is something wonderful and I have never been so overwhelmed before. I'm going to call my second job tonight a little later on to make sure I still go on Wednesday I hope that works out for the best but I will not know for sure until later.

I'm not sure what else to write at the moment, I am so sleepy I think I'm going to go lay down for a bit and hope not to fall asleep right away because I don't want to mess up my schedule to much. Any way I'm going to get going, will write more soon.

The last weekend of freedom

I start my second job tomorrow, who thought in my professional life that I would need a second job. Its not just about the money it helps but I really need something to distract me from the loneness in my life. I am just sick of being alone all the time at this point what a better way to avoid that then make ones self more busy then anything else. Tomorrow I don't even come home just from one job to another. I will not be home until after 10, come home sleep get up go to work. This will be my life for the next little while we will see how long I will be able to do this for before I go crazy but for now I'm going to give it a try and will see.

I am feeling really out of it these days and I'm not sure why or what I need to do to get things back on track I don't know what I even need. I know that working from 8am till 10pm with an hour break between does not sound like fun to me, when I know that hour will be spent in traffic! Hmmm the more I think about this it sounds like a stupid idea, I think I might start looking for a job that pays more! I think that might be a good idea any way I'm starting to have a hard time living where I live with whom I live due to work stuff. Its not working as well as I thought it would. We get alone fine and everything is great just the work stuff when that comes into play it makes this really hard!

Who knows will have to see what happens maybe I'll start looking around at whats out there and see what I can get somewhere else. I love my job but I just am not sure I can keep going on like this, its a little to much for me. Any way thats all for now I'll write more soon.

Enjoying a Extra Day!

Today is an extra day off and it is great! I'm enjoying one extra day to just be clam and at ease with myself. I have to call the place where I might be able to get a second job tomorrow. I hope that all works out. I'm ready to take it on, its going to be very hard at first but I know that i need this to get on better.

I need a winter jacket so bad! Its starting to get cold here and I am getting to the point where I really need something. I only have fleece jackets right now and they are not that warm. I had an old winter jacket but I can't seem to find the other piece to it and I believe my ex still has it and seems that person will not even give me back the things I hold dear to me I really don't think I'm going to be getting back that any time soon.

Life is going alright it could be better but as for everything we always want more out of everything. I think it might be human nature as society has pushed it to be as such. I have been thinking a lot about how much longer I want to be this province and I am having a hard time finding an answer to that. Who knows any more? Does not seem like I do. Just kind of sitting waiting for a sign. Any way I just wanted to add a little up date and give some joy to my day off and thats it really.

Wanted to update!

Well its been a while now and I thought I was due for an update. I had a good weekend pretty peaceful for the most part. I'm still thinking about what I should do with my life, things seem to be pretty crazy in my life and I just don't know what is up or down these days. Things are what they are and I'm starting to wonder what I should do more then ever now. On one hand I'm very happy on the other I feel like something is missing. I'm not feeling very well tonight! I have not been feeling all that great as a total whole these days. But thats alright I know its going to pass and I like to not think about it as I feel if you feed into the illness it might win.

I have been thinking about it a lot and I don't think moving anywhere is going to solve my money problems. Everything here is pretty cheep so I'm not total sure anything will help that but me making more money! Any way I think thats about all I have to say for now. Will write more some day soon!

Feeling the need

I have the desire to go back to my home province. I'm not totally sure why, but its been this way for a while now. The only thing keeping me here is my job, which I love! So I am happy in one area in my life thats better then none! I just don't think going back home is going to make a difference at all. I've been looking into jobs and thinking a lot about school but nothing seems to fit, I need to get another job here just to get by its starting to really drain my account living here, however the places where I would be willing to live are just as expensive and I would not be able to find a job like I have and even if I did would that be the fit? No idea, I know I'm looking for something I just don't know what.

The other day at work I had my first I hate my job moment and I was blown away by that, It was such a hard day and I was just overwhelmed and my head was spinning. I'm not sure how much I like it here, I mean its a city and its alright but I'm so lonely here thats not even funny I feel so disconnected from life sometimes. I am not sure what I should do. I think I want to go back but if I do what will that mean? what will it bring me? and is it what I should be doing? Nothing is going to change here, I will have two jobs soon be working so hard that I will feel like I'm going to break and have no life really. I just want to feel whole and I know right now that I don't for some reason.

I need something I wish the world would just hurry up and show me what that is.

Trying to figure this all out

I know that some times life just happens for a reason but I'm starting to wonder what its all about. Why have I been picked to be here and what is this all for. I think I'm a little down lately. It seems like life is out to bit me in the ass these days. I know the last few posting have been really positive and you know I've had some great times these past few weeks but it just seems like I'm waiting for something that is never going to happen. Its thanks giving weekend and I feel that I have much to be thankful for but the things that I really wish I had are not present in my life at this point in time.

I've been trying to get out of my norm and do somethings that I wish I was more like, it seems to be going well but at the same time it seems like its all just not going anywhere. I just wish so many things. I'm looking for a second job because funds are super tight right now, I wish life was just a little easier. I have this need to go somewhere and do something and just live a little bit. I feel like a bit of a drown lately, get up go to work, get up go to work, wend go for drinks, finally friday roles around and all the same shit all the time wanting to do something no one to do it with. Why not get another job make more money and at lest I'm not sitting around my house feeling low.

I am going to hope that this other job I applied for comes through and that I can make enough money to get by in a better way. Thats it for now.

Vroom Vroom

WOOO HOOOO Vroom Vroom!!!!!

Thats right people I have a car! I am so happy that it is not even funny. I have waited a very long time to get a set of wheels and now I have some! I love my car, and I am so happy I am doing all by my self!!! I feel like an adult its amazing! Any way I really just wanted to up date that, cause I am so freaking happy it is not even funny.

Also I might go on a date tonight, He said he just wanted to see me so that even if he is sleepy after working he does not care :P Woo, we will see where this goes no getting my hopes up. Thats it for now I might up date more.

I feel fantastic

So I wanted to update now well I'm still on cloud nine! I just had this fantastic night spent talking and laughing with this great person. It has been so very long since I felt so wonderful and full of joy and wonderment that I am totally just happy. This person has made me smile from ear to ear and I think this is the start of a very blessed relationship ... now do not get ahead of your self I don't mean like relationship like a partner but just in the general sense that it will be a very good something. As they left they said that I was great pretty much. I just feel fantastic there is no other word for it!

I am wondering when we will get the chance to hang out again but I'm hoping that it is soon because just being in this persons presents makes me feel joy. Its a little overwhelming and I'm not totally sure what to make of this yet and I'm trying to not let myself get carried away but man its just nice to have someone make you feel so darn good. Any who I just really need to shout my joy somewhere and this is the place that felt the most fitting. I think now I might try and go to bed but I think that might be hard because I feel so uplifted.

Just a little update

So the last few days I have been home sick, I hate being sick! BOO! But I think I might be getting better cause my voice is coming back and my head is not feeling so bad. I'm going back to work tomorrow for sure! I hate missing work I always feel so unless at home, I mean there is a lot to do here but I have just been sleeping and think that is what made me feel better. I'm happy I'm not coughing as much now or feeling as bad as I did earlier. So I'm mostly moved in and everything here is going nice so thats good I think soon I'm going to start looking into buying my car. Oh yeah I'm going to buy a car! I'm totally looking forward to shopping for that one!

any way I just wanted to update and let everyone know I'm alive and hopefully going to be well soon! Thats all for now, I will update again soon!

Well I have internet again!

So I have moved and now have internet again and thought I would up date. Its been a busy few days lots going on and everything seems kind of crazy at the moment but I think it might start to clam down here again very soon. I hope so at lest any way I would like some down time which I am sure that I will get very soon. I have been spending to much money as well and need to stop doing that, no more can be spent I had to have my computer fixed today to get my wireless to work My CD thing has been broken for a long time now and now I have a new one with DVD burner which is kind of cool.

I like the new place its nice so far and I have one more day off to get everything in order around here then its back to work and life again, this week and next week are short weeks so that is kind of nice. Four day work weeks always make me happy. But then it will be a while before I have anytime off like this again, I think I might go back to BC for thanks giving but we will have to wait and see cause I would like to buy a car and I might not be able to afford it once I do that but who knows have to weigh my options. Any way I think I'm going to go just wanted to up date and let all know I'm alive and well and with internet again! woot

Moving day has come!

So today is the day, I'm pretty well all packed up and ready to go, need to go pick up my truck from the place I rented it from and then me and my friend are going to load up my life again. I hope that this is the last time I will move in a while. I'm looking forward already to this day being over, I think its going to be a long one. I only have my friend until 11:30ish so my goal is to have the truck totally loaded and ready to go, then I think I will stay around here for a little bit and clean the place so I can sleep in tomorrow. Then I just have to come back and get my DD from my landlord and thats it done and done.

I'm going to be sleeping at the new place tonight so that is going to be really odd, a whole new space again new things to get use to and new kind of life to get use to also. I think I might start looking into buying a car but I have to get my stuff together first so that I know what I can afford. With insurance and gas and all that stuff I'm just not sure if the convince is worth it. I don't know I think I will make that decision more then likely in November. We will see, who knows. Any way I think I should run my friend is going to be here soon. Wish me luck today please. :)

Three Days and counting

So I have three days until I move, I'm starting to realize how much work I have to do around here before I'm ready for that. I got a bunch of stuff done today, but I need to do more because I am really in bad shape right now. There is so much that needs to be done and I was going to go buy some tape but I just don't feel like going anywhere today, I'm so blah and just want to stay home for the rest of the day.

I hurt my arm the other day and I'm having a hard time packing some of the heavy things cause it hurts when I try to pick them up, this is not good, it needs to be better FAST! Cause I have to pick up a lot of heavy stuff soon moving and all.

I'm going to miss my area that I live in everything is so easy to get to, but I am looking forward to having all that space. Also I might look into getting a puppy but I might wait on that one. Need to get everything else in order first. I am thinking these next few days are going to go by way to fast.

What else is going on? hmm not a whole lot. I think things might start getting busy in the next little while. I was suppose to volunteer today but it was to cold and rainny outside so I decided to not go, I feel kind of bad but at the same time yesterday they so did not need three people there so that makes up for not going. Any who I should get going back to work just needed a break from the packing.

So much to do so little time

Well this week is going by a little fast and a little slow at the same time. I have a lot going on this weekend coming up and have to figure out how I'm going to do it all. Then next week I only work 3 days and then I move! Crap I really need to kick my packing into high gear! There is so much I have to get done still and it seems like I'm putting it off a little too much maybe so this weekend I'm going to pack everything I do not need! To get it out of my way and into the boxes. I just really have to start packing my kitchen and other little things it does not seem like much to do.

I really just need to start disabling my life here at this place. I'm really looking forward to moving and can't wait to be in the new place and make it my own. I think I might pack a bit of my kitchen stuff tonight thats the next part. I need to buy some packing tape and then I can finish everything else. Looking around it does not seem like I have that much stuff but I know there is more then I really think there is. I have to start calling people too and canceling all my services changing address. boo I hate that part! But maybe I'll see if I can get a move on some of that tonight. Any who I just thought I would up date and thats all for now.

I will more then likely update one more time before I move but after that it might be a little while before I'm on again as I have to get a wireless connection thing before my computer will have internet again. so funfun! Wish me luck with that one I have no idea how they work!

Any way I'll try and update again soon.

Just wanted to up date!

Well not all that much is going on, just packing getting ready for my move I need to start calling people and changing my mailing address and phone number and all that jazz. That could take a little while there are so many places to call! But thats going to be in the near future maybe this weekend I will start calling! I have a good bye BBQ to got to this Friday for a co-worker, he is going to be missed a lot around the office! But I think it will be a lot of fun so I'm looking forward to that!

Not much else really going on just working and trying to get my life on track so that it does not feel like such a mess all the time. Any who I'm going to go just really wanted to let any one who reads this know that I am in fact alive!