Feeling lost

Sometimes things just speak to you and let you know this is it, other times you are just straining to hear a little tiny voice say what your doing is what you are meant to be doing and nothing at all comes through. I feel like I have nothing coming through lately. I'm not sure about the work I'm doing right now or what I should be doing instead. I'm not sure where my future is going to take me. I'm not sure if I'm happy where I am living. I'm not sure if my partner is the right person for me. I'm not sure if I want the things I say I want. I'm not sure about a lot and mostly I'm not sure if I'm on the right path. I feel a little at odds with life at the moment. In fact the only thing I am sure about is that I love my son and I am so over joyed he is in my world. But what that world is, thats up for questioning. I'm also not really sure where this is all coming from. I feel like I should be doing something but I don't really have the time or money (mainly money) to do it. Also I'm not sure I have the dedication I would need right now in order to achieve it. So what should I do in the mean time? Well I have the answer for that also but I just have to find it.

I'm also unsure if now is the time to be doing this but there is no time like the present! Maybe I will start small or at least start looking into it more. In the mean time I need to find something that will make me happy. Let me just say this now its not that I am unhappy I just know where my heart is and I need to find that again. I like my job its fun but its not what I need to be doing. I need to be doing something different. I also kind of feel like I'm stuck right now just in limbo because there doesn't seem to be anything I'm really working towards. Maybe I'm just getting that itch to change something. I use to get those often and when I would things would change in my life. New job, new man, new place to live, different something. I have this thing about getting caught somewhere and not feeling like I am progressing and when I change something it makes me feel better again. odd I've never really talked about this before with anyone.

There are a few things I have been finding myself dawning on lately like did you know abandonment is the biggest addiction? When you suffer with abandonment issues you naturally move to addictive behaviours because they are something that will always be there and never leave you you can count on them therefore they give you comfort like you have never known before. This was a revaluation for me because I have issues with food and a lot of that is because it has been there for me when other people where never there. In fact there is this one time that I can recall that I sat outside for 4 hours waiting for someone to come home. I had to pee in the bush and had no food and it scarred me. To this day I hate not knowing where my keys are and I have issues with being locked out or locked into things. That was not the only time I was locked out of the house but it was one of the worst for me. I cried a lot that day.

I cried a lot in my childhood and my parents did not help me to be ready to be an adult at all, I know they did the best they thought they could but it really was shitty and so I'm starting to deal with all this stuff and its hard but it feels good. I think I might be able to work out some of this crap. But all this crap could be why I feel so disconnected with myself right now. I'm trying to rebuild a stronger better me and that is making me very mixed up. Any way I'm super sleepy so I should run.

10 on Wednesday

So my sister has been doing this 10 on Tuesday thing and I am board and not feeling so great so I thought I would do my today. . . 10 on Wednesday :)

1. What did you get for Christmas?
All kinds of stuff but most important I got to talk to my family, my uncle and I spent it with my lovely little man!

2. Have you taken down your Christmas decorations?
Just today, normally I wait until the 6th because thats the day the Orthodox church celebrates Christmas and for some reason I have a connection to that but we are going to be traveling soon and I wanted to get a head start. My wreath is still on the door and the lights are still up but the tree is gone.

3. What did you do for New Years Eve?
Put my little man to bed and hung out until the man got home.

4. Do you like accents?
Yes!

5. What kind of television do you have?
hmm well I'm not sure but it was free about 4 years ago from a friend, I should be getting a new one in a few days from my parents.

6. Did you make any changes at the beginning of 2012?
That no matter what this year I will be happy and that my joy in my world directly effects my son. A happy healthy mom has happy healthy baby!!

7. What’s the last book you read and do you recommend it?
I don't really read much its not really my thing because it takes so long, I have to read the word and then make the words come together in my mind because I don't read the same way other people do it takes my brain a little bit of time to make it into a storey or what not. I would like to have some digital books to listen to I think that would be excellent!

8. Do you stay current on celebrity gossip?
No not really sometimes I will watch something but thats about it, my life has more importance then that

9. Do you know the words to Bohemian Rhapsody? Gangstas Paradise? Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?
Yes to all three. Awesome!

10. What is your favorite education television show?
I'm not sure about this one, I like discovery net work you can learn a lot about alot of things on that.

On a final note... I would just like to add this, I thought I was pregnant again, I had all the signs and I was freaking out of my mind, due to the current situation it would not be the best thing to be having another baby. Then last night I started having major pains like pain that you should only feel one or two times in your life and this morning god I felt like I was going to die. Now if you are week in the stomach I urge you not to finish reading this!!!

I have not seen this much blood since I gave birth... well after birth and I have been having mad cramps like nothing ever before so I'm thinking that maybe I was pregnant and maybe had a mischarge which really is for the best but man does it ever suck feeling like this. I'm hoping I feel better soon and that this doesn't happen again! Maybe I am wrong and this is just normal but I have a feeling that I am right. Any way thats that and all things considered its the truly for the best.

Thats it for tonight oh and Happy New Year!

I bid adieu to 2011

New years eve is here and we are about to say good bye to 2011 and hello to 2012, it has been a year for sure! Amazing moments, sad days, hard days but all and all I think one of the best years for me because I was blessed with a lovely little man who really made my year.

He learnt how to pick his head up, roll over, crawl, walk and started to want to run all in one year, this year. He has learnt words and how to ask for things he wants with out words. He has learnt about so much and grown so much and has turned my world totally upside down in the most wonderful way! He has such a lovely personality and is just a gem and I am the most proud momma in the whole world and I cant wait to see him grow and change more this year to come.

I have never really been the kind of person to make resolutions its really not my thing. But I have always tried to make one or two goals and this year there are a few things I would like to see happen in this coming year. I think one of the biggest ones is to find my smile again, I think I have lost it, as I have been pretty sad these last few months, its just been a hard go at life and I forget what its like to be me. This past two years my life has changed in large ways and I feel like I lost my smile though a lot of the shit that has occurred. So I would like to bring joy back into my life.

Any way I'm getting sleepy and I think I might not make it until mid night to bring in the New Year as it happens. But 2011 has been many highs and a few lows, it has been full of new things and has taught me lots. Now I bid adieu to dear 2011.

Happy Birthday to my Sister

Dearest sister of mine, today is your birthday and I wish I was there to give you a great big hug and have a glass of wine with you. Welcome to old age :P I had to say it once. But I hope this year brings you all the joy and love that you need!! I hope that you are smiling today and I hope that you know I love you and miss you ever day!

xoxoxo

Blah!

Sick babies are a whole bunch more work then anyone ever tells you, and to top it off I feel like ass myself but its a different kind of sick. He is coughing, runny noise, and just over all sick. I am feeling barffy and just blah kinda sick. It sucks balls! I seem to feel worse at night for some reason and I'm not sure why. Needless to say I hope everyone in my house feels better soon!

What else... well I would like some one to tell me when I might feel better about my ass of a Man I mean I have good days where I think that its going to be alright and things are good but then today happens and I just hate him again! I know he feels bad and I know he is trying but I'm not sure thats enough some times. Its just painful to know what has happened here and it makes me sick some times. Like tonight and I'm not sure why its coming up tonight but it is, and it sucks!

What else is going on . . . well in a week and a bit we are going to see the in laws, which is great, they are suck good people I just wish there son was the same, and I know somewhere he is but fuck man this is just ass! OK so I really feel like ass tonight and I am mad like mad mad mad mother fucking mad, and I don't like it sometimes I think I should just get it over with and move on but then I remember that he does make me feel good and I do care about him and that I did want a life with him and I don't know what to do after that, but I feel broken tonight and I think my hormones might have something to do with this! Blah!

Any way I'm excited about going away and seeing the in laws and getting some good swim time in! Also I'm excited for next week cause someone is finally going to come fix the stupid floor and I might get my living room back by the end of next week!! How exciting!!

Something to try and get my smile back:
I love that little man more then anything in this world, and in all his sickness he is still the cutest kid ever. He was sitting snuggling with me and all the sudden jumped up, fell into my lap looked at me and smiled but and said mom. Then sat up looked and me and "kissed" (really its like a lick) my cheeks three times and then hugged me.

I love him! I thank all the goodness in the world for him every day! I am so proud to be his mom and I am so excited to see him grow and change and learn and become a wonderful man! Give it up for your kids! Cause honestly they make your life 100 million times more amazing then anything else could ever!

Twas the night before Christmas

Well it has been a while since I last wrote but life has been a bit hard lately. Just with the man and the things we have been through things have been hard. I have been home to see my family, have been to a talk to some one about our issues and have been getting ready to have my lovely little mans second Christmas. This time last year my son was just a month old and so small. My cousin had a baby just a few days ago and it totally takes me back a year and to how different my life was. Things have for sure changed! I think that the Man and I have been making some progress but at the same time he is so rude to me some times. I kind of gave him an ultimatum to prove that he is committed to me and this relationship or that I will leave in the new year after we have gone to court. So we will see how that goes. I still don't totally trust him and I don't know if I will ever really forgive him but things are better for the moment.

My friend has gone through something the same and she texted me today saying how unhappy she is and if she wasn't so afraid of being alone she would leave him. But she is amazing and wouldn't have a problem finding someone who would be amazing to her. I totally get where she is coming from though! I am totally scared to be alone and for my son to not feel like he has the best of everything. The more I talk to the kids at my work about there families the more it makes me want to make this work and work great for him. Most of the kids come from broken homes and some come from super dysfunctional homes. The other day this weird little boy that is so cute was drawing with me and we where chatting and I said something about making his mom a card cause all moms like cards. He looked at me all odd and said "I don't have a mom!" then rolled his eyes. It made my heart break, no mom, who has no mom, I wanted to hug him and tell him that he was a sweet smart lovey little guy and that I'm sure his mom loved him. So sad!

Also there is this little girl who is my fav from them all she is so sweet and so kind. She is also smart and so pretty and is just such a great person! She was telling me about how its so hard not living with he mom and dad. she never sees he dad and when she does she doesn't know how to act around him because she doesn't know him enough. She also went on to tell me about how she was really excited to get to spend Christmas with him this year and really have some time with him. How sweet and how sad. Its so hard this whole life thing.

Any way I spent the day doing some last minute shopping and then went to the Mans work and we cleaned the car from top to bottom and then changed the little mans seat to be forward facing. He is so big!! They grow way to fast. Man do I ever love that kid! Like I don't think I ever knew you could love someone so much but I love him more then anything and larger then I ever have loved anything in my life!

Any way Christmas is tomorrow and I'm excited for the New Year because it will be full of change no matter what so its going to be a big year I think. I love you all I miss my family! I wish we where together for the holidays but just know I love you and my heart is with you!

Merry Christmas!

A joyful and breaking heart all at the same time

First I feel so blessed in my life to have the most amazing little man ever he is smart, cute, silly and just the best thing in the world. I love him more then anything in this world and tomorrow he is one! One year ago today I sat in a hospital waiting for him to come, I was all alone because the Man didn't spend a lot of time with me there. I can't believe how fast time has gone by and that tomorrow he will be one year old! What a year its been he is so amazing and how he has changed is just wow! Joyful heart of mine I love him so I am so thankful for him and the gifts he brings me every day.

Now to address the heart break... the man cheated on me, on November 4 he went away for some job thing and because I didn't go he thought it would be a good call to post on craigslist looking for sex and then he met someone and did the unthinkable in my mind, he had sex with her. On November 7th I found out about it and life will never be the same. We will be going to court on Monday to see who gets the right to raise our son. I don't have much doubt that I will because I am an amazing mom and I will do right by that boy!

I can't believe he is tossing this all away I even asked if he would be willing to do some things so we could work on stuff, who the fuck does that? And he will not do anything. I think I am just so hurt by all of this I feel empty and sad. But I know my future will be bright because I will have the most important person in the world in my life. My son! Whom I love if you didn't notice :P

I just wish the man wanted to fight for me but really what makes me think he would he slept with someone else! I hate that he has done this to us, and I really hate him for all of this. More then anything though I think I'm just really sad. I wanted a life that now I'm not sure I will find. Maybe I will but now I'm a package deal and have a ton of baggage so its going to be a hard go at life for the next little while.

Wish me luck, hopefully will up date soon.

Have you ever felt like just crying?

So I feel super over worked! The Man is on night shifts and I am on baby duty all the fucking time, cause he sleeps once he is home. I have felt over worked for the last year almost because it feels like I do everything for that kid, its a little exhusting! I am so happy that I am going back to work and he can get a taste of what its like to take care of him cause I'm burnt out! I totally love that little man but man some times I just need a break. OH and I'm totally going out for the first time with some ladies tomorrow! WOOh yeah! Excited!!!

what else... well the man turned down the job in the other city, so we are staying here and I get to work which I have never been so happy about! I feel kind of bad saying this but I can't wait to be baby free for a few hours a day! I've never felt so drained and speaking of which I should go cause I'm exhusted. I just really needed to vent cause I'm feeling a bit nuts!

wow time flys

So in a little more then a week my lovely little man will be one! One year old, I can't believe I am here at this stage, some times it seems a bit surreal but I wouldn't have it any other way because he is the love of my life. I never knew I could be so in love! Thats not true I did I just didn't know it would be with a little tiny man!

We are at a cross roads The Man has a job offer in another city and isn't sure what to do yet, he has to tell them today! I also got a job offer for a part time gig that would allow me to be at home with my little man and still make some money but it is here. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation.

Blah my computer is about to loss batter power and my charger is on a different level so I guess thats all I have to say for now.

Time for an update

Things have been busy lately, I've had a visit from my wonderful sister. A surprise of my "in-laws" and one of my Mans aunts because his grandma pasted away and they all stayed here for one night. His Aunt has since been back and we got to hang out for a day and then went to Thanksgiving at his other aunts house in town here. Fun times... it was a nice thanksgiving but I think the food made me feel ill boo, and I think my little man as well isn't feeling so great! We are still waiting on my in laws return because my mother in law is not doing so well she has a kidney stone that I guess is just hurting so much, she has been in the hospital out east three times and they are hoping she will feel better and are waiting for them to zap that bad boy out! I hope that it goes well.

Let me just say this now, I do love my parents, but they kind of sucked growing up and they have sucked even harder the past oh 8 years or so. They have never been great parents but I think they did what they thought was the best they could, but they are shitty grandparents and have been super shitty parents the last little while. That said I love my in laws! They are so caring and loving and so great to my son it is not even funny, so the thought of her not doing well sucks balls because she is freaking great to us and me! I hope she is ok. Please note I would feel bad if my mom was sick to cause shes my mom but this lady doesn't have to love me she doesn't have to even like me and she treats me like I'm one of her own so having someone in your life who loves you for just being you and is kind to you and wants to learn about who you are and what you like is pretty great. I know that they would be there for us no matter what and that is something I can truly say my parents would never do, and I know this from very recent experiences! ERR assholes! nough said.

My visit with my sister was the most thankful thing I have had in a while, it was so nice to just hang out and laugh and cry and all that jazz with her, and I think I'm going to ask instead of ever sending me another gift or card or anything again I just get a promise to see he at least once a year! That would be the best gift I could ever want or get. Oh and she must bring wine :P
PS I know your reading this and just know I love you and being able to call you my sister is amazing but knowing we are friends and can talk about anything just about blows my mind on how freaking great that is! I love you sis!

What else... oh my lovely little man is testing the shit out of me lately, I love him more then anything in this world but man he is just getting on my last nerve lately and I really feel like I need a mini break from him. Just like a full 24 hours sans baby. Maybe I should ask Santa for that! lord. But I love him. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about work yet, my future seems a bit of a blur right now. But I'm hoping things will work out. Any way I think we might go with the Man tonight on a road trip so I should pack and get things ready well the little man is sleeping.

Things are better

Well things are getting better The Man and I have talked and talked a lot about how things are and the why things got they way they did. So I think we are on the road to recovery and getting better. He said he doesn't know what he would do with out us and he doesn't want to see that day. So that was nice to hear and I hope things keep on this way.

My little man is growing more and more and changing every day and he is just so amazing! In a short week and a bit we are going to have a wonderful visit from the most amazing sister ever! We have a little surprise for her also once she gets here... more motivation to come as soon as possible. We can't wait to see her!

Any way my little man loves the computer and isn't very helpful yet with is so I'm going to go cause he just wants attention from me so until soon.

PS
I'm so happy that things are feeling a bit better, what a hard few days, but who said I liked it easy in the first place. It all just is making me strong and giving me more dimensions as a person.

what a lovely day!

So today and for the past few weeks it has been amazing here today it already like 29 and its only 2! I have an interview tonight for a part time job which would mean I could spend more time with my son which is awesome! So whats new, things are still rocky on the home front but I think it might be workerable we will see how things go over the nex few weeks. We tried to go swimming today at this man made lake but they closed for the session! Lame!

I was thinking about going out again today but we have had a busy morning so I'm not sure now, the little man is pretty sleepy! Oh well I just wanted to up date and let everyone know I'm alive and busy! :)

when is enough, really enough?

Well it has truly been a while since I have updated, what is new? well ok we will get there, were have I been? I've been on vacation - road trip home seeing everyone, introducing my little man to a second cousin and hanging out well the Man had an interview. My little man is growing and growing he is climbing up on everything, starting to want to move around more and more on his feet, getting into everything and is slowly finding his own little world and a tiny bit of Independence. I can now leave him to play and do other things, its kind of nice. But when he thinks he is alone lord let the crying monster come on out. Regardless I love him more then words can even begin to say. He is my breath, my heart, my love, my all. This little man has taken my heart forever, he is so amazing!

The adult man not so much, tonight I am alone in my bed well the Man is down staires I think sleeping. woop give it up for fighting. Which beings me to my question at hand, when is enough truly enough? We had a big blow out because he can be a little insensitive, and I had it I was ready to pack me and the little man up and go, like more ready then I have ever been. In fact I had visions of tossing some hard large object at him taking my baby and never talking to him again. But then I thought that might not be such a great call. Well tonight yet again four things he said where on the NO NEVER AGAIN list and they in fact did come out of his month then he fucked up the little mans bed time schedule did a bunch of things wrong and to top it off the little man almost fell off the bed but I was there (thank god) to catch him! So now what I have told him that if things didn't change that was it I was done and we would be gone! Well after hmmm 5 short lived days guess what the ass is back. So now what? well tomorrow we have a little conversation and if it goes the way I think it will we will be back on working on getting him to understand how things need to work and if it goes bad then well I'm done and I think enough truly is enough and my little man and I will move on and life will be crazy and hard but who said I ever liked the easy road? Not me, for some reason I like to take the hard road and fight with everything I have to prove to myself that I can in fact do it!

Any way that is my up date things are shitty at home! I have a lovely little man that means the world to me and he is all that matters! So I will do whatever is best for us and at this point I'm thinking it might be best for us just to be us for a while, but we will see.

Now its bed time. night night

I hate it when I can't sleep

So tonight I can't sleep I have all of these thoughts in my head and am having a hard time falling asleep the little man passed out with no issue tonight didn't even need a snuggle just feel asleep, and The Man is off snoring away, making it even harder to fall asleep. I'm not sure why I get like this wait I do my OCD father. I try to not do stuff like he did but some times I check the locks a few times and if I hear something really odd I have a piece of wood that I grab and then go and see what is making that sound. All those nights of my dad with a gun looking around the house kind of made an impression on me. I get all these crazy thoughts and then can't sleep. To make it worse last night I woke up in tears because I had the worst headache I have ever had. Sucked! Especially because the little man didn't wake up at all last night and I could have gotten a great sleep. Maybe some day, I must say that I was not at all like this before but as soon as my son came I turned into a crazy person.

So what else is on my mind well I keep reading and hearing about scary things about the bad stuff we are doing to our world and I wonder what the hell is wrong with people like why are we not listening? Why are we still consuming as much, why are we still wasting, why are we killing our home? Like don't we want our kids and grand kids and all the people of the world past us and them to have a place to live? Don't we want to see people move on and forward? Since when did we get this standard thought of if its not in our time its no big deal why worry? Well I want to see my baby grow up and I want to see him have babies and I want to have a full great life but beyond that I want all the people in the world to have the same opportunity that I have, to age and live and go on to see there families age and live and I know my son will want the same for his kids and grand kids and so on. But where is civic responsibility? Where is pride in our world? As Sam Roberts says "Where have all the good people gone"? Its like people just don't care, do you know this year I have only seen about 5 bees, and all around my house so more then likely its the same bee but I have seen him 5 times. Maybe a few more but I remember when bees where everywhere, and not just bees but yellow jackets and other bugs, but for some reason I don't see them any more. Where have we gone so wrong? Is this really what industrialization brings us? Well maybe someone should have rethought that!

Any way that is my rant for the night about that. We have a vacation coming up but we are not sure what we will do yet. I was hoping to see my brother and have him meet my family but I'm sure if I will get to do that now. Blah! What else my little man has been a hand full lately he is getting into everything and we really need some gates, but like big gates! 7 foot gates! hard to find for a good price! I'm hoping I can get them soon so I don't have to be on him all the time and can start giving him and me a little bit more freedom. Ahh we will see any way I'm off for the night to hopefully catch some zzz's :) night night

So little time!

Well I have been busy walking, meeting with other moms and babies and teaching my little man to eat table foods woop! Its been a pretty fun summer so far and I hope it gets even better!!! I had a phone interview yesterday for a job that I think I would love it would be working with youth and getting them interested in volunteering. I would get to make presentations and talk to people all the time which for any one who knows me is totally me! I would LOVE doing this. But we will see The Man has been getting a lot of interviews out of the city which is great but also if I get this job would suck balls! Oh well you never know I guess we will see!

What else my little man is crawling, not traditional crawling but his version and he gets around just fine, he is fast! If he was "normal" crawling I can't imagine how I would keep tabs on him. He loves to try whatever we are eating and if he can't he gets so up set. I need to start getting some more baby friendly food in the house. He loves oranges and water, silly guy. But he is also not wanting to eat some things which is hard! But I'm hoping that will change.

We are going to look at a car tonight that we have seen once now and have made an offer on, but we are going to take a more detailed look at the car and just make sure that its going to work for us its not insured so we can't really get it to a shop to have it looked at but I think its in good shape plus its a great price so we are going to lift it up look under it and check a few things and then if The Man says yes it will be ours. My first ours car! crazy! Its a cute little sporty mazda and its black! wooh We will see what tonight brings.

Any way I have some stuff to do before my love gets up from his nap. Have a lovely day!!

Thank god for a fast mommy!

So my little man is totally on the move he is rolling a bunch and starting to crawl and its just so fast its crazy and he is quick like super quick so he was on a change table and started to roll and fell but guess who caught him just in time? Me! Lord! I was just freaking out but thank god he is ok. What the hell? ahhh oh well he is ok and all is well I think he was a little shaken up cause he cried but was alright in no time and is now sleeping poor guy so sleepy. I got him a curtain rod today to hang some curtain's cause its so light in his room and he has been having a hard time sleeping.

We are on a search for a new to us car and the search isn't going so well hopefully we get some luck soon cause bula is on her last legs here, she needs to retire, big time. We can't really go any where until we have a new car and I would like to see my brother this summer but who knows. It sure would be nice if someone came to use to visit besides the inlaws. No one from my family has been here and it pisses me off a little bit. Oh wait my mom has been here for like a minute but thats it and I'm so unimpressed with all of them right now. I wish I was a bit more important to come see. Things not to do to my son when he is older. err any way that was a vent moment. I should get going to make the little man lunch.

Sunny Sunny day!

I have a lovely sleeping little man, in his play pen of course! Man is it a nice day we spent the morning playing with some new musical toys, fantastic! And learning how to transplant flowers, he learnt I showed :) Cleaned the deck and now have two pots full of lovely flowers. Wooh I wish I would have gotten deck hangers but whatever its all good. What else well after my post I think I'm going to take out the trash and maybe dishes. We will see how long he sleeps for. What else? Hmm I'm not sure really. Next week we start a class which I think he will love.

Okay so a moment to talk about a part of the males body. So my little man is not circumcised because I couldn't hold him down and pay for some one to harm him in that kind of a way. Well for the last 4 months he has had a bump on his penis and I check on it make sure its not growing until we can get an appointment with a specialist. Today I checked on it and noticed something new something that scares the crap out of me it seems that the little tiny whole where his penis should come out is really little and tiny and almost was bleeding when I went to check on the bump. So this means he might have to get cut :( Which totally makes me up set because I don't want to put him through this. Mostly I don't want to go through it he is going to be so up set about it and its going to SUCK! bahhh but we made an appointment because I'm not sure and I just want to be sure that we have to do this. SUCKS! man I don't want to hold him down well someone cuts his man parts :(

Any way I should run to do the trash before the little man wakes up and wants to play again. Oh and its an amazing day out! wooh

Oh sun shine how do I love you

Well today is just a great day, its sunny out and I have a napping little man, who just woke up as we speak. Yesterday we learnt a shitty lesson don't let the baby sleep on the sofa any more. I think you can figure out why that might be. SUCKED ass! I didn't even think about him ever falling off. Lesson learnt and now the play pen is set up for sleeping.

What else trying to clean up and get things in order I think I might plant some flowers over the weekend for the deck. Also we are going to see the little man;s first fire works :) on Canada Day! Wooh I think we might try to check out some activities. Fun!

Any way I should run the little man is ready to come out of the play pen and have some fun.

Whats New

Well not a whole lot is new really we've been travelling a lot and trying to clean up around the house cause my little man is starting to want to be on the move more. Its almost crawler ready but there are still some things we need before he gets more on the move like a big gate. Correction two big gates would be great one 7foot and on 80 inch. Do you think I will find that? haha not so lucky yet still looking might just have to make shift something.

I'm pretty cranky today but I'm so sore and stiff and just want to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed for once and I have a feeling thats not going to happen for a long long time. The little man is doing pretty great, he is still teething and waiting for teeth I hope they come soon so he can be a bit more comfortable. He likes to sleep on his tummy at night but then he wakes up and doesn't want to be on his tummy and gets upset but doesn't turn, so after about 15 mins of crying someone gets up turns him and back to bed it is. Its so exhausting! I wish he could just get back on track with sleep!

Hmm My dog is on a week stay with one of my friends and I think they might want to keep her which is kind of sad for me cause I would miss her but I think it would be a better living arrangement for her right now. We just can't give her the love she needs. But we will see we are going shopping on Friday and going to talk about how things went. I knew as soon as they took her for a few nights they would love her and want to keep her.

Well any way I should get going before my little lovely one gets up. He is so sleepy today, but he missed one of his naps so that might explan that. Any who thats it for now.