Swiming

So my little man went in the pool for the first time today and he loved it he was kicking his legs and he learnt to float and was rolling all over the place front to back, back to front it was great. He was talking up a storm and laughing and I think he loved it. What fun! But as we speak from a busy day he is totally crashed out deep! He is so sleepy, he woke up early ate and then we were off to the pool then came home ate and off shopping and just came home again and he is done! Me to I had a bad sleep and could us a nap. We will see. The Mans Dad will arrive on Thursday to hang out with Nicholas for a few days then he is off to the East to help his mom out after the death of his step dad. Then the Mans mom comes here on the 4th to meet up with his dad and hand out with the baby for a little bit. They love him so much! I kinda would like to move closer to them so they can spend more time with him they are so great to him!

My mother called the other day and said they might come in April to see us. We will see... it would be nice to have them spend some time with the little man. Any who I should run and have a little nap before he wakes up.

My brave little man

So today my little man got his shots and it went ok he cried a bit and then things got better and he was ok, or so we thought. We went over to our friends house tonight to visit and someone picked him up and he FREAKED out! Like freaked out screaming crying inconsolable, it was so bad he was so red and just man at the world. I gave him a little baby pain meds and about 20 mins later he was ok but still really not so happy. He is a bit better now but still super touchy and really just wants what he wants. I want to keep on the right path for bed time which is letting him fall asleep by himself but I have a feeling that will not go well tonight.

So he is 20lbs 10oz and 27 inch tall. They say he is a bit heavy for his height but not to much to make them concerned because he has been really consistent in his weight gain. So thats good. We are almost totally ready for our first swim but the swim shorts I got him were to small then I got another pair that I thought only looked a little bit bigger, well I was wrong and they are BIG so I have to take them back again and try one more time. Blah

Any way it is story time and then off to dream world for my little man so I should get going.

Four Months old

Well my little man is four months old and growing up faster and faster. I have been holding off on getting him in his own room for a long time. His room was all ready for a while but I have not been and honestly I don't think I'm ready yet but I want to try so he is in his bed for the first time. I think he is sleeping but I'm not 100% sure. I keep hearing little sounds, but I'm trying to stop the want to go see if he is ok cause thats just going to give him bad behaviour. Oh yes he is awake I hear a cry ... giving him 10 mins and if he is still having a hard time I'll go get him.

So tomorrow is shots day, woop, and his daddy is going to be with us this time. I keep telling him that he better be ready for a crying baby but he thinks it will be fine. haha wait I hope it is fine but last time it sure was not! He cried so hard it was totally sucky. I also plan to take him for his first swim this week as long as the nurse says its ok. He has swim undies, swim shorts and a floating thing so he can swim with mom. We will more the likely only go for a fast little swim maybe 20 mins if he can handle that but I think we will have fun :) I will post about that once we have gone. Oh and he totally stopped crying but I think he is having to much fun in his bed because he has a mobile to look at and I can hear him "talking" to it.

What else... hmm not to much really The Mans parents will be here this Thursday or Friday not on to happy of terms the Mans step grandfather passed away this morning and his mom is driving his dad in to fly back to help family out. I'm not sure if he was close to him at all he hasn't really talked about it. Maybe I will ask how he is taking it tonight.

Any who I'm a bit sleepy so I think I'm going to go check on the little man and call it a night.

Teething

LORD so my little man is teething and has been so loud all day crying and talking and screaming and man I'm exhausted from it! The Man took him up to our room to give me a break cause he is just to much today! So I started my therapy yesterday for deer hitting my car and felt pretty good after but today I hurt so much, I go back tomorrow for two treatments! I think I will hurt a bit more after that but I know I'm on the road to feeling better soon!

We got our little man a new car seat the other day which now I have to figure out how to use it. We also got him a wonderful play mat with all kinds of toys on it and a mirror for an excellent price! Now I'm on the market for a high chair because I think we might be able to start on soft foods soon. woop! I'm also trying to find a swim aid for our little man cause I would like to take him on his first swim :)

Any way I should go cause I need a shower well daddy has our little teething monster :P

What an excellent little man I have

He has fallen asleep with out any help now seven times!!! He is so good it is not even funny, I am the luckiest mommy ever. I am blessed with the best little man ever and I am more in love with him ever day. Last night we read our story and after a little bit of playing and talking he fell right to sleep as soon as I put him in his bed. So the sad part is that he is still in our room but I'm the one who is not ready for him to go. Plus he has a fussy moment every night where he needs some help staying asleep. So until thats totally fixed I think that its best to have him so close. Plus I'm going to miss him once he is moved.

I'm hoping to go home to see my family soon so they can meet the best little man ever. Well next to the best two little men who are I'm sure excited to meet there cousin. Any way well he is sleeping I have a few more things I would like to do. I just really wanted to tell everyone about my amazing little miracle :)

my little man

So my little man is getting so big he is 19lbs 7oz but I think he is slowing down because that is a half pound gain in two weeks before he would have gained way more but I think he is totally slowing down now. He is so awesome it is not even funny! I love him so much and I think next week we are going to do a big trip home I think maybe wend or thursday we will leave for the weekend.

what else well my car got hit by a deer and totally fucked it up but it is almost totally fixed the windsheld is totally fixed now I just need to get a new side mirror and we will be good to go :) It is not pretty but it works and will get us around safely until we can afford a new car. Thanks to my understanding Man it has been a hard two week but it will be ok some times I get a little worked up and things have been super hard on us but we can get through this I'm sure.

Any way I'm going to get going and play with the little man who is just getting up :)

CRAP

yesterday I got an unexpected bill from our wonderful tax man. I guess I missed a T4 but I don't recall working for place that sent it to them. I have no idea how I'm going to afford it with all the other things I have to pay for its just to much. I was so excited to be able to put a large amount on my student loan next month and now that is just not going to happen. What a bitch! Life totally sucks some times. I also really want to go home and see my family and now I'm not going to be able to afford to for a long time. SUCKS

I think I'm also getting a cold which sucks cause my last mommy and me class is today and I totally don't want to go. So I think I might go for just a litttle bit to give my email out to some of the people and then come home. Any way I have to go the little man needs me

Tried!

Today the Mans parents are coming to visit the little man. Whenever they come we get ride of more stuff which totally makes me happy. This time I am planning on getting ride of all of my VHS tapes. I spent years building on this collection but I never watch them any more since I have movie central and they are heavy and take up so much space so I have decided it is time for them to go plus I'm going to donate them so that makes it even better. I'm also getting ride of a coffee table that my brother gave me years ago... why because it takes up lots of space and I need room for the little man to move around in here, we are also getting ride of the sofa bed woop! There will be so much space in here. The Man is planning on going snow boarding tomorrow so I'm going to hang two shelves with his dad (he doesn't know this lol) cause I have a bunch of little collectible stuff that needs to go up higher so baby dosen't get it in his mouth. We are also going to install a new light fixture, which I bought like MONTHS ago and have been wanting it put up forever. This trip they will do it.

Then I just have to move around the living room and we will be good to go for crawling and walking :) Plus it will be more stream lined in here. I just havn't figured out a few small details yet about the move around. Like I kinda hate where the tv is going to go but there are only two options one makes the room balanced and is in its current location, not so good for crawling because I cut off half the room with a sofa. The other makes it unbalanced but extends the carpet space for little man to move around on.

Oh well I will see what I can do. The little man finally fell back asleep so I think I will head off to try and tidy up a big more before the mans rents get here.

ugh!

So the last little while has been a challenge on me and my family we have been through some big changes and I think it might be getting the better of us. I just want to feel like this is going to be ok and I'm not sure when that will happen. I'm mentally and physically just done. I can manage to take care of the little man but I just feel like I don't have anything left and everything is just putting me to a breaking point. I wish things were better. I wish I felt better. I wish things were easier. As you of you couldn't tell but I'm feeling a little bit down tonight. I know things are always hard with everything but I recall a time when things where so much easier.

What else? My little man is amazing and I love him so much he makes me smile all the time. He is so tried today I think he might be growing. Oh and he is 18lbs 10oz and yes I think he is growing more. He isn't even 3 months yet and he is so big. He is the biggest one in the class.

I can't wait to move the house around wear the sofa is it is super cold and I think it will be better once I move it around. Any way I really just needed to vent and get that out of my system. THe little man is having a sleep and I think I might make a tea. Thats all for tonight.

Sleepy

This morning I was suppose to take my little man to the doctor cause he has some funky smell coming from his ear. So they call this morning and say the appointment will not work and want to book it for later with this A-whole at the clinic I decline and ask for someone else...not until Monday!!!! Monday are you kidding me? Freaken hell! So I am on hold with another clinic right now hoping for an appointment today but not sure if it will happen. He is also coughing a lot which makes me wonder.

Oh I also missed my work out because of the time the appointment was booked for, what a piss off! Hmm what else. I finally got the extra side table out of the little mans room! WOOh now I just need the Mans parents to come and take all the extra clothing away and we will be set! They come this Sunday, so soon. I've been working on cleaning up a bit for them. I'm hoping to get a sofa out of the house when they come. It is big and takes up so much space. Then I want to move the living room around so that it is baby ready for movement right now the little man has a whole 6 foot by 6 foot space for that and I think it needs to increase plus his swing sits in the middle of the living room right now and I hate that!

We are having a play date tomorrow with an old coworker, fun. She has an 18 month old girl. It will be nice to see a little one who is a bit older to kinda know what I need to put away in here before we have a accident. Any way I should get going and wake my little man up soon cause he has another appointment later.

Sad

So today I think I made the realization that my little fur baby needs to go. I love her so much she is my first baby but she is getting no attention and I have a really hard time taking car of her with the baby. I know that things will get better in time and allow me more time for her but that is a long ways away. So I have to give her up.

Maybe my sisters friend here wants a sweet little dog :) Then at lest I would know who she is going to and that it is a good person. Okay but really miss roxy has a few issues she gets sick often. Its not because there is anything wrong with her I have gone to the vet and they say nothing is wrong and she is totally healthy just maybe that its and allergy. But she has been on 12 different kinds of food and each one she still gets sick. She needs someone who has the time to really get to the bottom of the problem. Also this is no quality of life some times she wants to play but I can't play with her because of my little man and him needing attention.

It totally pains me to do this but she needs a new home. So sad. I'm not just going to give her to anyone I'm really going to look for the right fit. Plus I have yet to tell the man that I have made this conclusion. Any way I'm going to go and try and clean up a bit well my little man is sleeping. Oh by the way the little man is doing great! I think he might have a bit of a cold because he is coughing a lot and sleeping alot but I'm keeping my eye on him and making sure he is ok. He is almost 18 pounds and not even 3 months yet. Big little man. Any way really this time I need to get going.

ouch ouch OUCH

So my arms feel like jello talk about not getting back into slow or what these ladies kick your ass like there is no tomorrow! I decided that I need to work out because of a few reasons they are as follows:

1) it is getting hard to lift my son his chair it is so heavy and I have zone upper body strength!
2) I hate going to the mall and not finding anything I like in my size
3) I hate the way I look in the clothing I do have
4) Most importantly I want to be able to play with my son, I want to be able to run, jump, skip and play with my son.

So the goal is not weight loss but it is an added benefit of working out, the goal is endurance and cardio strength so I can do all the things I want to do with my little guy. I'm also looking at joining a mommy and baby work out class but I think that will be in March. I need to get me on track and make it part of my world before I involve my little guy.

Today we are going to go shopping with a friend this afternoon also :) What fun! I'm totally not sure what we need or even what I can get but I think fruit is on the menu and maybe some meat. Course baby stuff is always a good call too :) God my arms hurt did I mention that. Man like they burn. LORD

Any way I think my men will be coming down soon one is in the shower and the other is still sleeping. Time to get ready for them.

Toy Box and Sushi

The toy box has been finished!!! It looks great and I am totally happy with it. I also made sushi for the first time ever and I must day it turned out amazing!


The finished product complete with soft top for a cousion seat. :)

Box open


Sushi :) YUM!
And that is really all I have to say for the night I just wanted to update and show off my stuff.

Just tired

Well it is late and for some reason I don't really feel like sleeping but I am tired. My little man is down for the night, well at lest 6 hours and the Man wont be home for another hour. I was going to make a pillow for the little man's new toy box but I'm not sure if I want to make it the way I was going to I think it might not work well so now I need to think about it a little bit. You see I am making something like a body pillow to go on the wall because I couldn't make a bench. So the pillow will act as a pho bench piece. I thought it was rather smart but now I am stuck on one part.

I was thinking of using a thick foam piece and then some soft pillow stuffing but I think if I put the soft stuffing in front of the thick foam that eventually the soft foam will all go to one side for the pillow and it will look silly... need to think a bit more about this one and if I just want to make a cylinder pillow that is all soft, I think that might work better. The toy box is almost totally done I just need to buy the hings and then put the top on and it will be finished. How exciting!!! Then I can get the ugly white bin out of my living room and have a love little toy box. :) Not that he is interested in toys at all but at lest I wont have to look at the ugly bin any more :)

I will post a picture of the finished product once its done. What else, well it was lovely and warm for the past few days and we got out and went for walks and enjoyed the sun and it was great but winter has decided to give us what for again and it is presently snowing and -5 going to be -18 by morning, boo! Then for the next few days cold cold cold again, it sucks cause then we get stuck inside. Oh and we have a snow fall warning now, fun times! Oh well at lest its not New York or Boston I feel so bad for them 19 inches in NY and 30 inches in B town... Freaken 30 inches thats nuts, that is way to much snow in 24 hours! poor people.

Any way I should get going.... good night

Update time

Well the man didn't end up going back out of town he told the people that it was to much with a new baby. I wish he would have just taken then job and trusted that it would all work out because I think he really wanted the opportunity but he didn't and he asked them if he could start in a month or so once the little man is more into a schedule and it is easier to get him sleeping and stuff at night. But I think its going to take a bit more then a month. Its been two months to get him to sleep at 11pm for 6 hours. So now what? Well I think he is mad at me because I'm the one who couldn't handle taking care of the little man. It seems like all we do is get mad at each other these days, its so hard with all the changes I think its just so much.

Now he is starting to look again, there is one place he would like to work a bit closer to my family which I would like but who knows whats going to happen. All I know is we need to get better at treating eachother nicer. Because other wise I'm not sure whats going to happen I think if we keep on this path within a year I'm going to be a single parent because I will not want to be so unhappy any more. I don't want that but its really hard. He says he is just chronically tried and thats not helping his mood but he sleeps as much as I do. Maybe he is depressed and just don't know it. But I don't know what to do any more there is so much to do and I need his help and support. Just as much as he needs sleep. He also needs to spend more time with his son. I told him that and he said "I just spent a half hour with him". Umm ok wooo a half hour yeppie sickpy! I spend every waking moment with him, he knows me he loves me, he knows I will make him happy and take care of him when he is sad. The worse part is he will start crying and I will take him from dad and he will stop. That shouldn't happen daddy should be able to calm him down.

Any way I really did just need to bitch, he is a good dad he just needs to spend some more time with his son and try to not be so cranky with me. He just drives me so crazy and its not making me feel very nice lately. Any way I should work on getting some things done well the little man is sleeping. I have a toy box to finish for him.

Here we go again

So the Man came home on Thursday and it didn`t go so great I still didn`t get a lot of sleep but then over the past two days I have gotten to sleep a good amount. But he leaves again tomorrow this time only for three days then is back again and works and we will see if he is going to keep doing this. I am firmly not in favour of this continuing but we will see what happens. I think he knows that its not a good idea but wants to see how it goes. They way I have heard him talking to his parents it sounds like he doesn`t think its the right time to take a role like the one that he has been testing out.

Any way the little man slept for 6 hours straight last night! Then 5 and another 5 before he was up and moving around. Now we just need to work on getting him to sleep for 8 hours and then another 5 and maybe some day soon 12 hours straight.

Any way wish me luck over the next few days and I should get going.

So exhusted

I'm totally exhausted today and just want to go to bed but I have a feeling my little man is going to wake up in an hour so I don't think I should go to bed because I will be super cranky getting woken up that quickly. This has been a long few days but the Man comes home tonight!!! WOOP so happy I'm not sure how tonight will go if I will get the bullshit I worked and drove comment but he can tend to the little one tonight cause I need a break!

Speaking of the little one I can now let him sleep through the night so if he is not up soon I might relocate us in the bed room cause I'm super sleepy. I think he might be waking now but we will see hes been sleeping for a few hours already. I guess they just worry about them until they reach 15 pounds and well he is now 16 so wooh to that. My little man is getting so big so fast.

Any who I'm out for now.

I hate this part!

Well I`ve been alone with the little man now for three days and have two more to go and I am exhausted! I haven`t had a break and I feel like I might pull my hair out. The Man is away right now trying something out and I`m alone doing everything and its fucking hard and I hate it. He and I have to have a very real conversation about this because I can`t do this again its way to much and with no break not even a little one its way overwhelming.

Today he has been especially fussy and I feel like I want to go for a long walk off a short cliff. I need help I need the Man, I have no idea how mothers do this on there own. The shitty part, oh yes it does get worse, is he comes back only to work for three days and then I think he is leaving again. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ....FUCK So not only am I doing this now but even when he is back still no real break. I want to go way for 5 days well he does everything and see how happy he is. This is bull shit and not something I signed up for!

Okay so he is having a hard time sleeping right now so I need to get going. One exciting thing tho is I`m writting this well laying on my tummy! I haven`t done this since before I was with child and I totally missed it. Any way I need to go.

I`m so burnt out :(

Boo!!

So it looks like next week I'm going to be acting like a single parent! Not happy at all. The Man is testing out a job in another city and will be gone Monday to Thursday, gross! Not only that but he is working today and until Sunday, so we will only have the time when he is here to get stuff done because my little man likes to take up a lot of my time! Not fun! I need someone to come and help us out for a few days, any takers?

I have three baskets of laundry to put away and about four more baskets to do. Bottles to make, dishes to do, house to clean and the only thing that does get done is baby taken care of. Although I guess right now I could be cleaning or something but I really wanted to up date. I'm so not happy about the Man leaving it really is going to make life hard for some time. Plus I have appointments to go to and things to do and now I have to take the little man with me which means everything will take more time to get done. lord boo!

Any way I just needed to vent now its off to get some things done.

Update Update :)

So we went to weight the little man the other day and he is 14 and 1/2 pounds! Crazy, I saw a 4 month old that was half his size today! Lord I'm going to have one big little guy. Today I got an email from some who I thought was my best friend. Last year she told me I was the most negative person she knew and that we no longer could be friends because I was a bad influence one her and her family. I laughed a lot because I do for sure have negative moments but I am pretty full of joy for the most part. Lately I'm super cranky because of the lack of sleep and a bit more negative then usual but as a general whole I'm super happy :)

Any way I was a little shocked by it and said my peace to her but I really wanted to tare her a new one and just tell her off because I was truly hurt by what happened. I am interested to see if she writes back knowing her she will and it may be rude but I'm ready for that.

The little man is super sleepy hungry and sleepy, I think he is having a growth thing happening because he is eating a lot and sleeping a lot. He doesn't like being on his back right now for some reason so I have him on his side. He is doing well and is super happy for the most part but has gassy moments and some really bad days. But I still think he is perfect and love him more and more every day!

Any way I should get going I have some things I need to try and do before he wakes up