Feeling the need

I have the desire to go back to my home province. I'm not totally sure why, but its been this way for a while now. The only thing keeping me here is my job, which I love! So I am happy in one area in my life thats better then none! I just don't think going back home is going to make a difference at all. I've been looking into jobs and thinking a lot about school but nothing seems to fit, I need to get another job here just to get by its starting to really drain my account living here, however the places where I would be willing to live are just as expensive and I would not be able to find a job like I have and even if I did would that be the fit? No idea, I know I'm looking for something I just don't know what.

The other day at work I had my first I hate my job moment and I was blown away by that, It was such a hard day and I was just overwhelmed and my head was spinning. I'm not sure how much I like it here, I mean its a city and its alright but I'm so lonely here thats not even funny I feel so disconnected from life sometimes. I am not sure what I should do. I think I want to go back but if I do what will that mean? what will it bring me? and is it what I should be doing? Nothing is going to change here, I will have two jobs soon be working so hard that I will feel like I'm going to break and have no life really. I just want to feel whole and I know right now that I don't for some reason.

I need something I wish the world would just hurry up and show me what that is.

Trying to figure this all out

I know that some times life just happens for a reason but I'm starting to wonder what its all about. Why have I been picked to be here and what is this all for. I think I'm a little down lately. It seems like life is out to bit me in the ass these days. I know the last few posting have been really positive and you know I've had some great times these past few weeks but it just seems like I'm waiting for something that is never going to happen. Its thanks giving weekend and I feel that I have much to be thankful for but the things that I really wish I had are not present in my life at this point in time.

I've been trying to get out of my norm and do somethings that I wish I was more like, it seems to be going well but at the same time it seems like its all just not going anywhere. I just wish so many things. I'm looking for a second job because funds are super tight right now, I wish life was just a little easier. I have this need to go somewhere and do something and just live a little bit. I feel like a bit of a drown lately, get up go to work, get up go to work, wend go for drinks, finally friday roles around and all the same shit all the time wanting to do something no one to do it with. Why not get another job make more money and at lest I'm not sitting around my house feeling low.

I am going to hope that this other job I applied for comes through and that I can make enough money to get by in a better way. Thats it for now.

Vroom Vroom

WOOO HOOOO Vroom Vroom!!!!!

Thats right people I have a car! I am so happy that it is not even funny. I have waited a very long time to get a set of wheels and now I have some! I love my car, and I am so happy I am doing all by my self!!! I feel like an adult its amazing! Any way I really just wanted to up date that, cause I am so freaking happy it is not even funny.

Also I might go on a date tonight, He said he just wanted to see me so that even if he is sleepy after working he does not care :P Woo, we will see where this goes no getting my hopes up. Thats it for now I might up date more.

I feel fantastic

So I wanted to update now well I'm still on cloud nine! I just had this fantastic night spent talking and laughing with this great person. It has been so very long since I felt so wonderful and full of joy and wonderment that I am totally just happy. This person has made me smile from ear to ear and I think this is the start of a very blessed relationship ... now do not get ahead of your self I don't mean like relationship like a partner but just in the general sense that it will be a very good something. As they left they said that I was great pretty much. I just feel fantastic there is no other word for it!

I am wondering when we will get the chance to hang out again but I'm hoping that it is soon because just being in this persons presents makes me feel joy. Its a little overwhelming and I'm not totally sure what to make of this yet and I'm trying to not let myself get carried away but man its just nice to have someone make you feel so darn good. Any who I just really need to shout my joy somewhere and this is the place that felt the most fitting. I think now I might try and go to bed but I think that might be hard because I feel so uplifted.

Just a little update

So the last few days I have been home sick, I hate being sick! BOO! But I think I might be getting better cause my voice is coming back and my head is not feeling so bad. I'm going back to work tomorrow for sure! I hate missing work I always feel so unless at home, I mean there is a lot to do here but I have just been sleeping and think that is what made me feel better. I'm happy I'm not coughing as much now or feeling as bad as I did earlier. So I'm mostly moved in and everything here is going nice so thats good I think soon I'm going to start looking into buying my car. Oh yeah I'm going to buy a car! I'm totally looking forward to shopping for that one!

any way I just wanted to update and let everyone know I'm alive and hopefully going to be well soon! Thats all for now, I will update again soon!

Well I have internet again!

So I have moved and now have internet again and thought I would up date. Its been a busy few days lots going on and everything seems kind of crazy at the moment but I think it might start to clam down here again very soon. I hope so at lest any way I would like some down time which I am sure that I will get very soon. I have been spending to much money as well and need to stop doing that, no more can be spent I had to have my computer fixed today to get my wireless to work My CD thing has been broken for a long time now and now I have a new one with DVD burner which is kind of cool.

I like the new place its nice so far and I have one more day off to get everything in order around here then its back to work and life again, this week and next week are short weeks so that is kind of nice. Four day work weeks always make me happy. But then it will be a while before I have anytime off like this again, I think I might go back to BC for thanks giving but we will have to wait and see cause I would like to buy a car and I might not be able to afford it once I do that but who knows have to weigh my options. Any way I think I'm going to go just wanted to up date and let all know I'm alive and well and with internet again! woot

Moving day has come!

So today is the day, I'm pretty well all packed up and ready to go, need to go pick up my truck from the place I rented it from and then me and my friend are going to load up my life again. I hope that this is the last time I will move in a while. I'm looking forward already to this day being over, I think its going to be a long one. I only have my friend until 11:30ish so my goal is to have the truck totally loaded and ready to go, then I think I will stay around here for a little bit and clean the place so I can sleep in tomorrow. Then I just have to come back and get my DD from my landlord and thats it done and done.

I'm going to be sleeping at the new place tonight so that is going to be really odd, a whole new space again new things to get use to and new kind of life to get use to also. I think I might start looking into buying a car but I have to get my stuff together first so that I know what I can afford. With insurance and gas and all that stuff I'm just not sure if the convince is worth it. I don't know I think I will make that decision more then likely in November. We will see, who knows. Any way I think I should run my friend is going to be here soon. Wish me luck today please. :)

Three Days and counting

So I have three days until I move, I'm starting to realize how much work I have to do around here before I'm ready for that. I got a bunch of stuff done today, but I need to do more because I am really in bad shape right now. There is so much that needs to be done and I was going to go buy some tape but I just don't feel like going anywhere today, I'm so blah and just want to stay home for the rest of the day.

I hurt my arm the other day and I'm having a hard time packing some of the heavy things cause it hurts when I try to pick them up, this is not good, it needs to be better FAST! Cause I have to pick up a lot of heavy stuff soon moving and all.

I'm going to miss my area that I live in everything is so easy to get to, but I am looking forward to having all that space. Also I might look into getting a puppy but I might wait on that one. Need to get everything else in order first. I am thinking these next few days are going to go by way to fast.

What else is going on? hmm not a whole lot. I think things might start getting busy in the next little while. I was suppose to volunteer today but it was to cold and rainny outside so I decided to not go, I feel kind of bad but at the same time yesterday they so did not need three people there so that makes up for not going. Any who I should get going back to work just needed a break from the packing.

So much to do so little time

Well this week is going by a little fast and a little slow at the same time. I have a lot going on this weekend coming up and have to figure out how I'm going to do it all. Then next week I only work 3 days and then I move! Crap I really need to kick my packing into high gear! There is so much I have to get done still and it seems like I'm putting it off a little too much maybe so this weekend I'm going to pack everything I do not need! To get it out of my way and into the boxes. I just really have to start packing my kitchen and other little things it does not seem like much to do.

I really just need to start disabling my life here at this place. I'm really looking forward to moving and can't wait to be in the new place and make it my own. I think I might pack a bit of my kitchen stuff tonight thats the next part. I need to buy some packing tape and then I can finish everything else. Looking around it does not seem like I have that much stuff but I know there is more then I really think there is. I have to start calling people too and canceling all my services changing address. boo I hate that part! But maybe I'll see if I can get a move on some of that tonight. Any who I just thought I would up date and thats all for now.

I will more then likely update one more time before I move but after that it might be a little while before I'm on again as I have to get a wireless connection thing before my computer will have internet again. so funfun! Wish me luck with that one I have no idea how they work!

Any way I'll try and update again soon.

Just wanted to up date!

Well not all that much is going on, just packing getting ready for my move I need to start calling people and changing my mailing address and phone number and all that jazz. That could take a little while there are so many places to call! But thats going to be in the near future maybe this weekend I will start calling! I have a good bye BBQ to got to this Friday for a co-worker, he is going to be missed a lot around the office! But I think it will be a lot of fun so I'm looking forward to that!

Not much else really going on just working and trying to get my life on track so that it does not feel like such a mess all the time. Any who I'm going to go just really wanted to let any one who reads this know that I am in fact alive!

Things are going

So I have been dreaming of the end of this week to get back into the grove of things and it did and I made it through! Thank god! I think this was the hardest freaking few weeks of my life now I need to get back to feeling good again and normal. I am going out for dinner tonight witch should be nice, I'm looking forward to getting together with these friends it will be nice to catch up. I hope that I am not putting them out. I always fear about stuff like that.

So today is the start of something I'm going to look into my gym for some new classes and I am going to start kicking my ass to get it into shape. I really want to be health. Not that I'm not all that unhealthy now but I just need to change things up a bit. I need to start packing to start getting ready to move. I'm looking forward to the move. Its going to be so good!

Any way I'm just wanting to up date and let everyone out there know I made it through the hard part of my life and now things can start being good again. WOOT!

Long weekend

Well its a long weekend three days off then back to work for three days for me then four days off. It will be nice to have a little time to myself I think I'm going to get a lot of packing done next weekend. Keep my mind busy! On the Saturday of next weekend I'm going to a friends house to visit that will be really nice, I can't wait!! I'm looking forward to that as I think it will be a great visit.

I am to be going to take care of a friends son today that should be good he has so much energy its amazing! I had a chance to go back to my home town this weekend but I was not able to go because I couldn't get the Tuesday off. Sucks! But I think I'm going to plan on going back for October for thanks giving. I will try to look forward to that! It will almost be a year since I have seen my parents at that point so it would be nice to see them again.

I gave my notice to move at the beginning of this month so I am moving for sure! Now I have to start packing my life up again. but I think this is going to be a move that I stay at this place for a long time. I think its going to be Great! Any way thats about all I have to say looking forward to getting next week over with so that life can go back to normal for a little while. We have had so many people off work that its crazy there right now. Well I hope this all goes the way I would like it to and that I have the strength to make it through all the stuff I go through in a week its been so stressful lately I think I'm burning out a little bit. So wish me the best :)

More new things

But this time I feel good about them :) I am going to be moving at the end of August to a beautiful large house, with a friend from work. I feel really good about this and am looking forward to a new place with more space. I will also be saving some money and that is fantastic. I have a feeling life will be getting back to normal again very soon. This week coming up and next week are going to be long and hard, we are going to have really low staff because everyone is on holidays. But I think it will be alright. I just want these next two weeks to go by so I can start packing and doing all that fun stuff. I get to paint my new place :) WOOT!

I can't wait to move I think this is the most positive I have ever felt about a move and it is a nice change. I'm going to join a gym with some of my extra money! Woot, all new wonderful things soon. I'm looking forward again to life. I just need to get through the next two weeks with no problems of facing all the stress I'm going to be facing. Wish me luck! I'm sure I will hold my head up and pull through it is just I know its going to be a challenge. But I love hard work and a challenge so this should be great. Ha well I do like a challenge but I just wish this was stuff that was a little easier.

Any who I just thought I would up date really happy about my move, I will try and write again soon, but it might be a while. Maybe next weekend as it is a long weekend. But will have to see. I might just try and pull through my two weeks before I update. Any way I'm going to go need to start unwinding so that I can sleep tonight.

Wishing for a simpler time

I find that being an adult has become far to complected, the ever day choices that we have to make are becoming to much for my brain to handle. Sometimes I just wish I could back in time to a simpler place where the choices I had to make where easy and clear. Yes maybe those choices also effected how your life would turn out but it didn't seem as big of a deal. Things that you knew you could live with because it was that much easier. I'm really not totally sure why I'm writing about this but I feel that I just need to consider what my future holds for myself.

I was thinking about going back to school and finishing my Bachelors degree but I'm not sure if thats the right path. I'm going to go to the workshop coming up and I'm hoping that this will help me in finding focus again. There are other things as well like should I stay in the city I live in or move back to my home province I miss being there. I miss my friends and being able to see my family when I want to. I just am not sure what the future has in store for me but I'm hoping its still something great.

Thats really all I have to say for now.

what a mood

Grezz am I ever in a mood today. I do not think I can begin to tell you how much of a bitch I felt like today. I felt like I snapped at lest 3 times today thats really bad, I got so up set for people interrupting today that I thought I would smack someone. At the end of the day I went into my bosses office and said "I'm really in a bad mood today and I want to kill the the clients at the moment I'm not going to but I really want to hurt someone. I just need to sit here and vent a little bit." She was really good at listening to me it was nice, then my co-worker came in and he had a bad day too. So we just sat in there and de-stressed a little bit.

I still feel like I'm going to snap but its not as bad as it was I'm just in a really bad mood, maybe sleep will help tonight, god for the sake of my clients it dame well better. Tomorrow is going to be such a long day and I am not looking forward to it. I was like a month ago but right now not so much. I'm really just err... I feel like I need another break again but I don't I just need to learn how to cope different.

Any way I just needed to vent a little bit and make myself feel not so bad about snapping. Will right again soon.

Life is busy

Well I have no more vacation time coming up any time soon, I have a few long weekends and so lieu time left to us but who knows when that will happen. My work week is over and I'm finding out how busy I'm going to be with this new job that I now have at work, along with my old job still. I've been finding it really hard to find a placement for a group of people this could posse to be harder then first thought, I might ask my sister for some pointers. I think she might be able to give me some good ideas.

So work and life are a little crazy again and on top of it all I felt like crap most of the week, I hope this feeling goes away soon. I have a lot on my plate and on my mind lately but its alright I can handle this. Hmm what else is going on? Not to much really just hanging out doing what I need to do to get by. I am thinking about moving into my friends house into her basement because rent will be way cheaper, but I'm not sure about it yet so we will have to wait and see.

Any way I'm going to go and think about what to do for the rest of the night. I was going to watch a movie with a friend but I'm not sure because its so hot and I don't feel so good, but who knows. Any way I'll write again later.

Bitter Sweet

Well My sister and my nephews just left on there journy back to my home land and I'm a little heart broken to see them go. I don't think I have had the need to cry in a long time but this time I was a little baby. It just made me relize how much I'm missing them and how I wish they where closer. The hardest part about being so far away is that I'm staying because I love my job and the thought of leaving that behind right now does not sit well with me. But I wonder if I will ever get ahead by staying where I am.

The only reason I was alright with them leaving is that now my back will not hurt when I get up in the morning because I get my bed back. Other then that there was nothing happy about them going. However I did get some good pictures and some excellent memories. Well back to life I guess, I think I might start looking more at that, how my life is here and what it would be like some where else because I think I'm almost done here. I like all the great friends I have made, and I could not ask for more for job statifaction, maybe more money but other then that I have nothing here I think it might be time to start the search again.

Any way I just thought I would do a little up date while my mind was a mess and thats really all I have to say for now.

Today is the day

My sister is going to be here today, I am not sure what time but I'm going to take a guess and say she will be in town by 5:30pm tonight, maybe 6. I am hoping that everything goes well with her here, I'm a little worried about the other people in my building as I forgot that this was an adult building and kids are normally not allowed but I think most people would think that was for a living situation not a visiting one. I also hope my appartment is aired out enough for my sisters liking and that she can stay here. Due to the fact that I smoke it gets not so nice in here, and she hates the smell of smoke. So I've tried with everything to make sure that the smell is not in here, but I can not really tell because I'm a smoker. I would need a second person to really make sure of it and would have to be someone who does not smoke.

Feeling a little better since last time that I wrote, minus from this morning I'm feeling like crap, but thats alright I'm sure that will go away. I have to run to the store today before they get here so that I have something for the boys to eat when they get here. Man I'm going to need a nap today I'm to sleepy. I did not sleep well last night, nor for very long so on top of the feeling like crap I am also very sleepy. I just want to get the stuff that I need to get come home and have a long nap until my sister gets to town.

Any way I think I'm going to go and relaxe for a bit before heading out to the store. Will write again soon.

Tomorrow is my Friday

Well I have 10 whole days off at the end of tomorrow! I get to see my Sister and her little guys, I'm soooo HAPPY! I've been feeling kinda ill latly and not totally sure why, I hope I'm not coming down with something. Still need to find out how the weekend is going to pan out, because its kind of a mess at this point, I hate not knowing things! I went to a BIG meeting last night with my work place, and got a lot of great Networking in, it was good and I think I made a great impression considering everyone who I spoke with wanted to meet the person behind this one special program and well that was me.

This week has been really long, it seems like it has gone by so slow, I wish it was Thursday today because I really need to sleep more then I have been, I've been so sleepy but again I think this is due to the fact that I feel like I'm coming down with something.

I would like to talk about this guy, but I do not like sharing to much of that info on this thing but all I have to say is why are men so weird and hard to understand sometimes? I just wish I had an idea where he was coming from. I need to do some house cleaning Friday and some other things to get ready for my sister. Then if I do not leave for my home province I think I might go over to the guys house and do some movies or something.

Any way, I'm going to go I just wanted to update and really let anyone who reads this know that I am alive and kicking.

What does it all mean?

So this week went by very fast. My long time firend came into town and we had a great time. The only thing is so strange things happend while she was here, like this girl who I met while we where out one night took my hand and said something strange to me considering I have never met her before that night. MY sister said that this sounds like I might be coming out of the closet of something by this statement and I just wanted to make it very clear that I Like MEN and Men only. The girl said something about my past relationship that was the weird thing.

I'm not to sure what the world is trying to tell me right now but something is up. I had a really great visit with my firend it was a blast and I am so happy that she came to visit.

Back to work tomorrow and then in two more weeks my sister comes to see me! WOOT... I am looking forward to seeing my little guys I love them so much and I do not get enough time with them.

There is a lot more that I want to talk about but I do not think that this is place to talk about this kind of thing. So I'm going to save it and talk to my firend about what happened. Oh well I thought I would just do a little up date so that everyone knows I'm alive still. I hope I get all my work down in the next few weeks I have a lot to do before my next vacation, so heres hoping Thursday brings much consintation and a lot of work to be done.

Again I like Men!