Blah!

I had such a crappy sleep! I have had a headache for the past day and a half and it just wont go away. It hurts so much plus last night I was having some tummy tightening and my little friend was hurting me a little bit. I really ready for this little person to come out of me! The man seems to think its going to come today but I really don't think so. I do however think it will be soon because things are changing and that leads me to believe that it is going to happen soon.

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment and I think we will book another ultrasound to see how big the little ninja is getting. I think I`m going to work on a the babies room and try to get the last pieces organized. The man goes away tomorrow also for three and a half days! I`m talking to the baby and telling them they CAN NOT come during this time. So we are going to take it super easy and not do anything that could send me into labour!

Any way I think I should get dressed and make some food. Happy Halloween :)

Work is over

Today was my last day of work and it is so weird! I have never not worked I might have three weeks of nothing, which I'm sure I'll miss later but right now it seems s little crazy to not being doing anything really. My next doctors appointment is Monday and the Man will be going away from Monday - Thursday so heres hoping the baby doesn't come in that time. I'm a little mad at him for leaving me right now but I wasn't about to tell him not to go especially if the baby doesn't come he would be upset for not going.

Something kind of wonderful happened today. My sister sends me post cards well she is out of town its nice to see the places she goes in a way but I guess one got lost in the mail and today I got it sent to me from the people who found with a little note say "I don't know how this got into our mail box in Montana but thought you would like to eventually get it. - regards, The Ketcherans."

Well Dear Ketcherans thank you so much for being kind and sending this on to me it is so wonderful to know that there are still nice people out there in the world who care to forward something on to a stranger! It made my day because it was so kind and great!

Any way thats all I have to say for now but will up date again soon.

Oh Boy!

So my last day of work was scheduled for November 5, 2010 however today at the doctors she said she really would like to see me off sooner and thinks that going until this Friday is enough. That said to my boss she asked for my doctor to write it down for me and they will put me right on to short term disability so that means I will not start my Mat leave until the baby officially comes. So I might get an extra 3 weeks off, which is kind of nice but at the same time what am I going to do? I asked that question to my doctor and she said "sleep and swim, your job for the next few weeks is to sleep, rest and go to the pool every day." Alrighty Fun times.

Then she went on to say if at my next ultra sound the baby is measuring 5000 or over we are going to talk about suggesting a C-section and that it would happen pretty quickly after that with in the week or so. So baby might come soon scary and exciting all at the same time. Also might I just say I love my doctor, she is so reassuring and great! I would recommend her all over the place, she is fantastic! I really hope she is the one who delivers me because I have every confidence in her and her skills and I know she would take very good care of me and my little one!

Any way I think that is all for now. My next appointment is November 1, 2010 and we will see how things are going then.

Baby baby baby!

So today I had another ultrasound, why because my little ninja is getting bigger and my doctor wants to watch things. Today the doctor told me that they are thinking that the baby is 8 lbs 10oz now... LORD! The doctor at the ultrasound place said that I might want to start thinking about other options for birth, but to note some most babys growing this way are born naturally. I'm really scared about a c section!

I'm crazy about my man he is a great guy in many ways BUT I'm totally freaked out about how much he doesn't do around the house and if I am down and out for 6 weeks because of a c section that we might fight far to much and will be a big stress in the house. Its a stress in the house as it is because I'm so tried and he bitches about that. I'm growing a human it takes a toll on the body! He totally doesn't get that. Oh well after I talk to my baby doctor he and I might be having a conversation about the reality of things.

Baby is doing lots of practice breathing and is moving around a lot and doing very well they say so thats nice to hear! I'm ready to not be with child any more! I am so exhausted and its so hard to get comfy and I'm just done. Any who I'm going to go nap I think cause I'm like I said totally exhausted.

I'm difficult!

Today was a funny day at work because I was booked for this lunch with my boss and my team and someone tried to book a meeting really close to the same time. So I thought in order to give them enough time I would reschedule for later in the day. Nope they insisted on the time set and I was so pissed about it. So I go to the meeting open and ready to take no bull and it goes fine. Than I come down 15 mins late and I start to feel like something is up. I see my boss with the classroom door closed and then I know something is up!

Surprise baby shower... Wooop I felt like such a silly person because I made such a big deal out of this stupid meeting because I felt like my time was not being valued and that it didn't matter what I had planned only their agenda which made the hair on my back raise. But nope they where just trying to help keep me totally in the dark about this.

So I got some more baby things, a bib, one piece, green sleeper and the cutest yellow winnie the pooh set. Oh and a gift card for quite a bit! It should buy at lest half the crib! rah rah to that!

So needless to say I'm difficult and should have just went with the flow. Any way thats my up date for today.

30 Days!

Well we are officially at month 9! The last month of baby inside me and the soon approaching scary moments of birth... yikes! Baby is moving around but it really isn't the same any more I'm thinking that's because there is not as much space as there once was. I'm trying to get everything ready for baby but its hard because we don't know what we are having and I can't buy to many out fits and stuff. So today is washing baby clothing and making sure they are ready. The man is going to steam clean the car over the week and then we will get the car seat in.

I'm interviewing for my replacement at work this coming week, which is totally odd, but also exciting all at the same time. I have a total of three weeks left at work and way to much to do in that short amount of time.

The man went back to his winter schedule which means he is no longer home on the weekends and I miss him today. The next three weeks will be hard because I will not see him really at all wednesday through Saturday because our schedule is so differnet I go to work and well working he is home then he goes to work two hours before I'm off and doesn't get home until 12 at night. When I will be sleeping, so I will wake up with him there but never fall asleep with him. booo long 3 weeks!

Any way I'm going to head out for a bit and maybe pop by his work with a coffee for him or somthing.

35 days and counting

Well today it is 35 days until my due date and I am really ready to be done being pregnant! My back hurts all the time, my right hip feels like its on fire most every day, I have hard time breathing/climbing stairs/walking for more then 20 mins/bending/getting up from the sofa/etc, and I'm just about done with my stupid swollen feet and hands that look like little sausages!

Plus I think the man is stick of my tossing and turning at night, moody craziness that seems to come at lest ever hour or two, and the general blah that seems to have taken over me! We have another class this coming Saturday to learn about breastfeeding and first few weeks or months of welcoming baby home. My next Ultrasound is on October 21, then the next appointment with the doctor is a few days after I think on the 26 but I have no idea right now.

I feel like I'm getting sick again... for the first three months of this I had the worlds longest worst cold ever and I feel like that is coming back, I'm so stuffy, sore, tired, and cloudy. Someone has said as you get closer to the end you can start having fly like symptoms and get sick. Wonderful!

Any way I think I should try and get some work done, I'm so not motivated today for anything. I want to go home and go to bed! Boo

My little over achiever

Another appointment another day and offically its a month before I am on mat leave! How crazy is that it seems like it was just yesterday but at the same time it seems like its lasted forever! So I had my appointment to see how the little ninja is doing and to talk about my last ultrasound.

By the sounds of things baby is doing very well. In fact everyone says the same thing. I have a little over achiever! It does everything it is suppose to but at the highest end. Its using its lungs, moving, heart is great everything is great and its in the 95% range. Today the doctor tells me that baby at 34 weeks is already 6lbs!!!! To which my mouth dropped and I said "so what your saying is I need to diet!" The doctor laughed and said NO just be mindful and aware that you have a little amazing person growing inside you and I hope you go into labour a little bit early.

Awesome..... So thats a little scary not only now am I totally worring about the day which is almost upon us but now I also have to worry that my little ninja is big and might really tare me a new bum whole! GOD

Second to that I have to start thinking that a C-section is a very real possiblity, one which I'm totally not happy about because I'm not sure how that will all go. In fact the doctor said to me if it gets to the point where they are talking forseps that I need to tell them to do a C-section if there is time. But I'm not totally sure about that. She seems to think I'll heal better from a c-section. Scary! We will see soon enough.

Our bathroom has been ripped up for the past few weeks and should be totally finished and good to go by Friday which is totally exciting!!! Then Baby room full out needs to get finished and ready! I also need to pack the baby bag soon for the hospital. \

Any way thats all for now but will update soon.

Baby Update

Well all weekend I was in loads of pain my back and my upper abs and lower abs, went to the doctor who sent me to the hospital to do some test four hours later and I never want to go back there. I'm thinking I will not go unless I'm really sure this baby is coming. So what did they figure out? My white blood count is high... wow four hours to figure that out and its common in women who are expecting. SHOCKER! LORD

So today I had an Ultrasound to measure baby's growth. So its in the 90% range which means it is growing a lot and the lady seemed to think it was a "big" baby saying most of the time when they are growing like this at this stage they range in the 8lbs to 9lbs. Which is totally scary! But the crazy thing is that like 4 weeks ago it was measuring small! So who the heck knows! I have another appointment with the doctor to review things on the 5th of October, which is one month before I'm officially off work. Yikes! 49 days until the due date today. Double yikes!

What else? oh yeah did I mention it has a big head! Fun. Thanks to the Man, he has a big head and fuck I was totally hoping that it would get my head but I guess not. He is going to pay for ever single moment that head hurts me! I wish I would have taken more time off work I fell like I could take off now and just rest but really I would just get board after about a week.

Well I think thats about it. I hope everything goes well. Will up date soon :)

56 days

Well its 56 days until baby is due, I know this might sound crazy but I'm ready not to be pregnant again. I miss laying on my tummy and being able to climb up stairs without feeling like I might die. I also just would like to not hurt any more, I'm sure that is much further away then 56 days but I know some day I will not be in so much pain and that is reassuring!

Doctors appointment yesterday, the man came with me!! Its his first time to the doctors office, he’s a good man but he is driving me crazy lately! Babies heart is beating strong, I think it might have moved into the head down position or is getting ready to because I'm getting more rib kicks the ever before and I have to pee a lot more. Going for another ultrasound on October 5, 2010 which is one month until I'm officially on Mat leave! How crazy, I know it seems like it has taken forever for this to come but looking back I can't believe its already so close. This weekend I think I'm going to really try to get the big bed out of the babies room so we can get it set up. I'm going to pack the bag for the baby this weekend too I think, or at least get it close to being ready so I know what’s missing if anything.

So here’s another fun thing. I've been going to the Chiropractor because my hips have been bugging me a lot. I have had three adjustments now and the last one scared the crap out of me, she did some stuff on my neck and after I got blurry vision in one eye for about 10 mins. So for those of you out there who don't know, Chiropractors can trigger a stroke. There are five signs you are having a stroke: vision problems, dizzy, weakness, trouble speaking and headache. Why is this? Chiropractic manipulation involving the neck can cause arterial dissection. My advice to people is don't let people mess with your neck! So now I don't want to go back, I'm scared of what else might happen if I go back. I'm going to be a mom, I don't want to be disabled and trying to raise my child.

What else? I bought my first computer ever! The old one I had was given to me and has been well used in the past 8 years, but I bought a laptop! It has Windows 7 on it which I rather like, and I have been getting it ready for just incase I have to work from home.

Just got off the phone with the Chiropractor and she is pretty great I must say that! But I'm really unsure about this whole thing right now. I'm going to go for a massage on Wednesday and then see how I feel about continuing treatments with the Chiro next week. I'm just super nervous about it now and not really sure its for me.

Any who I need to get some work done.

The day after

I'm in so much pain it is not even funny! My whole body feels like it got ran over by a truck. I went to the Chiroprator and that help with my walking but my whole body still hurts like so much. I didn't go to work today because all I want to do is sleep and cry. On top of that my little friend inside me is having a great time kicking me and curling up in a ball all on one side of me which greatly hurts. Then it moves and I think that god until it's little feet push into my blatter and its little head into my ribs. Even better! Thank you little one I know I will love you but right now I do not like you very much.

I hope tonight I can sleep alright and tomorrow I wake up feeling better then today. I want to cry! OUCH ouch ouch ouch ouch! Future mom's to be be carful when you walk because trust me you do not want to feel like this!

Oh well sitting hurts back to the sofa to snuggle with my blanket and not be in so much pain. I think I might get some drugs tonight because this sucks balls! Happy Hump day to the rest of you.

LORD

So bare in mind I'm alright and the baby is alright before you ready this.

Today I fell, slipped rather, on mud in a parking lot. It tossed me pretty hard and just in case I went to the hospital to make sure everything was alright. Which they seem to think it is. Baby is moving, heart rate is good and I'm ok. Totally sore and fucked my back up worse then it was but other then that I'm ok. I go to the Chiro tomorrow agian so we will talk about what happend cause I'm pretty sore and don't want to really feel any worse.

Thankfully I didn't land on my tummy at all but man the hip that was hurting guess what it got today? A lovely suprise fall, fun times.

Any way just wanted to do a fast up date and complain cause I hurt and that was it. Time to go lay down and try to be comfy.

68 days and counting

Well I can't believe I have already started to keep track but I have 68 days till I'm due. I think I'm just ready to some day again be comfortable in my own body. That sad I have been in miles of pain my poor hips and back have been a force to be reckoned with. So I decided to take affirmative action and booked an appointment at the Chiropractor. Ok I know do freak out I'm pregnant and yes went for my first adjustment and I lived and the baby is fine, gasp!

So she only did a little bit of my lower back and hips yesterday because it was my first visit ever to a chiro and because all your ligaments are lose when your expecting so you have to be extra carful. She used this thing called an activator which looks like a big needle with no needle on the end but a blunt object. In some spots it really hurt! It was so sensitive at places that I really wanted to just get her away from me.

So after all was said and done I stood up and felt a little bit odd, went to my car and to sit down and feel a little bit sore. Then my foot started to go a little bit numb when I was driving and thought to myself "Oh god what have I done". Plus baby was not really moving around. So I'm driving thinking what a mistake and waste of money and why did I think it would help. Fast forward to sleeping, I get up twice a night generally to us the washroom, I have been having a hard time because my hips have been so stiff that it takes me a little bit to get to the bathroom. It out right hurts to get up in the morning. Last night I get in normal position to get up to the bathroom and get straight up no issue, I walk and everything moves naturally and this morning I was totally not a stiff as I am normally. I was ecstatic to say the least. Still baby not moving as much as it normally does at night but I'm not to concerned cause I'm not supposed to be counting yet.

So I go back Wednesday to have another adjustment and she is going to work up my back a little bit more, which I'm excited about because my mid back hurts like a bad word! So I will up date after that appointment to let everyone know how its going. I'm also going to do two or three massages. I think for sure one before and then two after or two before and one after. Just like the Chiro, I'm going to go after to put me back together. Plus its covered by benefits at work so why not use what I'm paying for, right?

My next OB appointment isn't until September 20 so nothing new there. I'm going to check out a possible new doctor this Friday, Family Doctor, at 7:15am in down town BOOO to that. Other wise not a lot going on. I think I'm going to motivate the man to help finish setting up the baby room, we have to go pick out flooring for the bathroom, and who knows what else.

Have a super day :)

Doctors Appointments

One thing is for sure I have way to many doctors apointments in the last two weeks alone I have been to 6 differnt people! In the next two weeks 3 differnt people, at least there is a decrease in numbers. Lord! One of the people next week might become my real full time family doctor so that is pretty exciting!

How is the baby? Growing! Hurting me! Kicking and Punching and head butting (at least thats what it feels like)! Oh and did I mention this child is stubborn already, it likes to hide its face in ultrasounds, 'swim' away from the doppler and move so that no one can see the things they need to see. Ladies and Gentlemen we have a live one on our hands, I think the future with this little one will be interesting to say the least. I'm going to have a crazy high energy stubborn Scorpio, fun times! The little one is on track with size, spastic with movement, and exhausting me so all is well in the world-o-baby.

This weekend I'm going to Toys-R-Us to by some stuff because they have some amazing deals. For example a snuggle for $15 and a change pad for $19 (we have one of these but its totally flat and the one on sale had two lips that cradle the little one which I think is a much better idea then flat!), they also have the thermometer that I want on sale for only $20!!!! WOOH great deal, look out toys-r-us here I come.

What else, we really need to start getting the house ready for baby, the room is only half set up and my man is renovating the bathroom. He also wants to get a carpet cleaner, and do all the floors. We need to install some safety stuff at some point and I need someone to come move things around in the house. Any takers? I was thinking of calling my mom but then I thought about that more and laughed to myself for thinking she would care and come out, yeah right.

Work is going well and I plan on working until November 5, I'm due November 17. I thought about working until the 12th but I'm not totally sure about that I think I'm going to want some time to just be with me because soon it will never again be just me. That’s a little bit scary but kind of exciting as well.

Oh its Friday also which is fantastic! Wooh weekend. I'm going to get a pedicure also :) fun times! But I should get to work before I'm late :)

Lovely Long weekends

Today we went to Banff, and it was a great day to be there, we walk around way to much for my likely right now but it was great I really got to take in more of the town. I didn't spend much money which was good to! We went to a crappy place for food and that kind of killed my happy vibe that I had going. But I saw the cutest winter hates all the people from Sesame Street :) Totally great!

What esle? I have another doctors appointment next week on Tuesday I guess I have to go every two weeks now. Oh I don't remember what happened when this did but I have to tell the world that I saw my man laugh so hard that coffee came out his noise :P How funny is that, I laughed so hard it was great. Any way the baby is there kicking and punching hanging out and has alittle more the two months left to grow and get ready to come into the world. Totally nuts!

This whole Labour thing scares that crap out of me! But I'm sure it will be fine, the man and I are going to take a class so hopefully that helps get us ready for what is to come. Any way I'm cold and sleepy its bed time! Night all.

Puppy Dreams

So this post will be about many different things but I first had to write about my dog, she has what we call puppy dreams. When she is sleeping she starts to make the littles tiny high pitched bark. Its not loud but its a little odd. She does it a few times and then her little paws start to go and move. Its the freaken cutests thing ever. I'm sure that will change once the baby comes and then the baby will have all kinds of the cutest thing ever moments but right now my puppy it so cute.

So its the man's birthday tomorrow and yesterday I took him on a train ride to a small town and we had an alright meal and walked around. I hope he liked it and that it was fun for himI wish we could have gone into the steam part I think that would have tickled him pink. Today I am trying to make him a cake it doesn't smell all that great but who knows maybe it tastes great, it still needs to be iced and what not but its done. At present I am cooking a whole chicken in the oven and am going to make it nice a juicy, will also cook some potatoes I think but not totall sure I totally don't want to cook anything else I'm tried! Between the cooking and the dishes I think I'm done for the night. I wish I had a onion or a lemon to put in the chicken but oh well I'm sure it will turn out just fine.

I have a feeling this week will last forever because next weekend is a long week!!! Woop three days off! Also I get to go back to the doctor so they can tell me how the baby is doing. Great I have to wait to hear how it doing, what a lame ass system, why can't they just tell me when I'm at the ultrasound? Like I know if something was totally wrong they would tell me but I'm totally a worring type person. It's moving around so thats good.

Baby is coming soon and there is some stuff that needs to get done before it comes. Any who I'm tried and I just want to go lay down to bad I have to keep an eye on that bird.

3 more months

Well it is 3 more months until my due date today and things are becoming more and more real as you can now feel the baby kick, but only if it really kicks hard and only in certain spots. I've been able to feel it for a while now but now someone just putting there hand on the spot would feel it. Plus I'm starting the planning for my replacement so that really makes things real. Its good to be planning because it allows me to set the persons objectives for the year I'm away. I love being the head of my department! Its kind of great to be controling all the items on the plan.

I have been feeling a little crappy the last few days I think I need more sleep or something. I have a few more days of work then the weekend but I'm going to try and sleep in. This Friday we are going to a fireworks show I just hope it is nice out. Its kind of a crappy day today and they are saying that tomorrow will be nice but then cloudy for the rest of the week :( Sucky!

I have two appointments next week and have to go for my second diabetes test casue the lady didn't time it right the first time and my blood was high by .2 LORD so now I have to sit there for 2 hours. Fun times. The amount of sugar in that drink they give you is totally crazy its more then some of the meals that I eat and they think that 40 mins will give the right results. Yeah right... well hopefully this time it works out better.

Any who I just thought I would do a little up date I'm pretty sleepy and not feeling 100% so I'm going to lay down.

Happy Friday the 13

Well I do not recall the last Friday the 13th but I know I don't like the movies, I remember my brother watching them and I was freaked out and still deal with the issues from this stupid movie. Thanks Bro :)

The bigger news is that it is in fact Friday and the weekend starts in an hour, tomorrow I don't get to sleep in though because I have to go get some blood work done, I hate blood work the people who poke you all poke you different and some suck ass at it and they hurt you. Others are great at it and it two seconds and over and you feel nothing, but its always a toss up. BOO! Needles in general suck balls!

Then we will clean the car out and maybe try to put the base in for the car seat. Fun times I'm sure. Then I have to figure out what we will do with the bed that is currently in babies room... no idea! Need 3 bedrooms that’s what!

I would for a moment like to talk about heart burn, why the hell do they call it that it has nothing to do with your heart it is in fact your guts that are burning and more so your esophagus that feels likes its on fire, so Gut Burn is more accurate. Any way I have had the WORST freaken gut burn for the past oh 5 days and I want to die, it sucks so much! It sucks to sit up, it sucks to lay down, it suck to eat, it just plan old Sucks the mighty sucky one! When will it go away? Why is it so bad? Lord!

Sleep, I need more sleep but I can't seem to get it things are starting to hurt at night and become more difficult when trying to be comfortable. Even at work its hard to become more and more to sit for the whole time, boo!

Speaking of work... back to it.

Hump Day

Firstly Happy Hump Day to one and all. Its officially the middle of the week and I have to say this week is flying by right now because I had so much stuff to catch up on. It was a bit crazy the amount of things that can and will go wrong well you are gone. Today my boss asked me if I could hold the baby in for an extra month, lol, I said I would try but its not up to me. I think they know how truly amazing I am at my job, she also told me I have to come back. So that’s a good sign. FYI 97 more days until my due date, its finally below 100 days that’s crazy! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom, parent...Nuts!

The man is home :) he came home not last night but the one before, in the middle of the morning hours (3:30am) I woke to a man standing over me, it freaked the crap out of me until I realized who it was then I was so happy, but then he woke me up and snored for an hour and half well I tried to get back to sleep! I was pissed at that, but still happy to have him home. Last night he started snoring again and I was ready to kill him but I still am happy to have him home. I missed him so much. Lord do I ever love that man, what a guy. I went home yesterday and he had moved a bunch of stuff also, that needed to be done, it was so nice to see and made me want to cry, but pretty much everything makes me want to cry right now, give it up for hormones :)

Any way this weekend will be busy full of blood work, farmers markets, and putting together changing table, also more work on the babies’ room as a general whole. Tomorrow I am going to the orchestra :) I love going its so great and I think he likes it too which makes me happy I'm glad we can share that together. Its also his birthday soon and I am planning on taking him on a steam train thru a valley and into a small town then dinner and back home. He knows this already because I asked him if I got this if he would like it and he said yes so that’s good. BUT they might not have a steam train! Its broken and they are trying to fix it but are unsure if it will be up and running by then. If its not he doesn't want to go. Sucks balls! I hope its working by then because I think that its a great way for use to celebrate his day together. This would take place a few days before his real birthday but on his real day I have a little surprise in store for him as well :) fun!

Well that said I should get back to work... Happy Hump Day!!!

Vacation

Vacation is good to take a break and my break has seemed to last forever. I think this is because my man is gone. I trully miss him and can't wait to have him home. My little bun in the oven has decided that it wants to move all the time! Like all the time but the most when I am trying to sleep. The other night it just kept going and going and going, I was thinking this is a sign of what is to come... fun times`

Things are going well I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow because I totally feel useless some times. For example today I have moved some things around that really I shouldn't be moving, done laundry, put away mail and cleaned and I have only been up for 2 hours. I finally got some sleep today! wooh! What for the rest of the day... shopping? put the clothing away, fix a bag I have, and that will take all of two more hours well then what the hell am I to do with myself. I'm getting worried about this year off thing all though I'm sure I will have lots to keep me busy with a baby and all but still I worry that I might go a tiny bit nuts.

What else? I miss my man, I want him home! I hope he is enjoying himself and having a great time off but I just miss him, and its so hard to fall asleep. blah

Any way I should get going lots of things I should do, but I need to remember pace myself.

First OB appointment

Well I have offically had my first OB appointment with the lady who might develier the baby. I say might because it could be any of the doctors at the clinic, but I hope its her I really like her, she was informative and kind.

Scary news: So I have a chronic illness, fun times it is what it is BUT because of this I might have increased chances of mortality, so here is the fun story I have to go to three other specialists before the baby comes.

1) Anesthesiologist - because I might not be able to have a epidural or a spinal tap (just in case I want these I have to go talk to them)

2) Geneticist - because they have to estimate the potential risk to the baby in the event I get to cold. (I told the doctor I'm pretty sure my body would break down to the point where the baby would die if that happened, but I guess there is more risk in having the epidural or a spinal tape and losing heat rather fast which put us both at risk, fun!)

3) High risk Specialized Doctor - because I'm at higher risk of many things so they want me to be informed (like I have not already read everything possible to be informed and some doctor will not scare the crap out of me more. thanks)

So all those things are a little intense to say the least it is not nice knowing that I have a increased risk of death because of all this, that’s kind of intimidating. But I have faith that it will be fine, I'm going to talk more about the risk of a c section at my next appointment because I don't want a c section recovery is hard and bad and I don't heal well all the time so I would rather not. I have read a lot about them and have a pretty good idea why they do them but I really would only want to go there if I for sure have to plus it puts me more at risk because I wont be able to tell if I'm to cold or there for if the baby is to cold. not ok!

Other wise the appointment was really good she talked about risk of high blood pressure and diabetes a lot but I know my body pretty well and I asked her to look at my blood work and blood pressure rates and she was like "wow you have great looking work, its perfect." I know! Thank you just because I am bigger does not mean that I am going to have those things happen, I am pretty healthy and I eat great right now and walk every day 3 times a day because I have a dog! I'm fine, I will be fine and its going to be fine! I just wish I could have some more support here. Someone who just had a child asked me if I have a support network and I laughed and said no not at all, and his face was like Oh my god girl, then he said "You are really going to want to work on that because it is hard at first" Great. All alone in the world, pretty normal, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Any way I should get to work before it gets to late in the day.

I'm offically Broke!

I have been fighting to get out of dept for a while now because in 7 months I would like to try to buy a new car and maybe some day a house, with a yard and a place to park my new car! I am offically broke today because I am almost totally out of the red! So bad but good. I only have to catch up on my student loan and then I'm golden. That might be a bit more difficult because I would have to make some big payments for the next oh 4 months but we will talk to the man about that tonight. We will see how it all pans out. I could maybe do it in less time if I deadicated more funds to the cause but we will have to see.

Things I am working towards:
1) New Computer
2) Becoming dept free! - at lest a few years away I would think. One piece of advise I would like to offer the world is in regards to sending your children to school to further there education. Help the pay for it! Help the save for it! Help them understand that paying off that big of a loan is a challenge when you are first trying to establish yourself in the world. I think if there is one thing I would like to do for my future little one is to start an education fund. Even if I could save a little every month for the next 18 years that could still be a big help because trust me, being in my situation sucks! $50 a month for the next 18 years is a little more then $10,000, with compound interest that could be more!
3) New Car - putting me back into dept more then likely but I don't think my car will last much longer I think at max its got two years before stuff really starts to go wrong on it so the car might wait until it can't wait any more but we will see how that all plays out.
4) House some day for sure putting me back into dept but for good reason. My child deserves a yard to play in, and so does my dog!

Any way thats my little list at the moment and I'm sure more will be added at some point but who knows when. I have my first OB appointment today, wish me luck :)

Way to much Sun!

So over the weekend I spent about 4 hours in the sun, not all at once but total. I think I might have gotten a small amount of heat exhaust. With sun burnt face and arms I'm pretty sure of it. I went to an out door down town event which was nice, but man did I ever get tired fast! I only walked half the event and was done, I think knowing I needed to walk back was part of it because I could have finished the whole thing but then going back might have killed me. It was 26 out at the time I was walking... a little to hot. Then I went out to have dinner at a park, in the middle of no where, with a friend.

Yesterday pissed me off to no end also. The man was suppose to come with me to all this and decided at the last minute he was not going to. THANKS yesterday when I got home I didn't talk to him at all except for a few yes and no's that was it. This morning I left with out a good bye or a kiss, and normally I love that in the morning but I am still and was so disappointed in him for not being considerate of me or what I wanted. We always do shit he wants to do and the one time I ask him to do something with me for me he doesn't end up coming. Well thank you and that is the last time I ask you for anything. I'm so mad that if this is a predictor of the future with him I'm ready to move out. I just don't want to be in something for no reason and I don't want to be in something and hate the other person for petty shit.

Any way I needed to vent that out and we will see how this all plays out. I don't think he is ready for all this and I think that I might be excepting more then I should be but it doesn't feel like I am so it makes it hard.

What else well work has been crazy today, I've been trying to finish this post since this morning and I'm just finishing. I'm sure I have more to say but I also only have 40 mins of work left and way to much to do!

Ouch!

Okay so my back is in so much pain today that I want to cry, and the worse part is that this is just going to keep going for the next 3 month 26 days at the earliest! Thats right I am going to be a mom in 117 days! Which in the grand plan in not a whole lot of time, also I shouldn't be counting down yet it seems a bit early but I know it will fly by.

I am going on vacation soon, going any where... nope staying home more then likely and just maybe starting to set up the baby room... CRAZY! You know I've always wanted to be a mom I think it is one of the single most amazing things that a person can do, being a parent in general its truly amazing. But man I'm totally freaked out, the thought that after all this I'm going to souly be responsible for a little tiny person is a little overwhilming to say the least. Also I'm starting to get all the scary stores now, like 42 hours of labor and barfing and having to have C-sections and lord it goes on and on, totally tarafing. I'm still looking forward to being a mom but I am just feeling like its a bit much. Plus I have no one here to help me. Like what if my man can't get to the hospital there is no one else to call cause they are all far away.

What if I need help, I would be lieing to myself if for one second I thought my mother would be coming here to help me in the begining. So its totally alone, I have delt with the feeling of abandonment my whole life because my parents aren't very involved and never have been involved really at all in my life. The truly have no clue who I am and this becomes more and more evedent all the time when I talk to them. I don't want to feel totally alone in this part of my life and I don't but I just am really worried that something will prevent me from having someone there for me.

Any way I totally need to get some stuff done but I wanted to take a minute to update and let all the people know I'm alive.

Oh I take forever to post

So it again has been a super long time since the last time I took a moment to write. There are many new things in my world at the moment, just moved in with the man which is going much better then it was the first few days! Thank GOD!
Pro's
1) No more packing an over night bag
2) All my stuff is there which makes me feel more comfortable
3) I awlays have someone to snuggle with
4) Endless hugs
5) Just nice

Con's
1) My trip to work has incressed by 20 minutes!
2) He is a bed hog and a blanket theff!
3) No more freedom :P
4) Picking up after someone else!!!! err that needs to be nipped in the bud
5) Growing pains

What else.... that makes this situation even more fun, I'm going to have a baby! Thats right ladies and gentelmen I am pregent. LORD! Which makes me cranky and sore and just want to cry almost all the freaken time. Its stupid. So one thing for you ladies that think this baby crap is all sun shine and flowers. A little FYI pregancy sucks balls! This is what they don't tell you.

They don't tell you that your risk of stuff increases ten fold, or that your feet will swell beond recognition, or that your tummy gets hairy (gross), or that sometimes all you want is to cry, or that you feel like you will never be the same again or any of the bad stuff. I miss being me and feeling some control over my thoughts, emotions and having a memory! I would kill for a beer and a smoke but I cant do that because this little tresetal being has taken up residenace in my womb (Theres a word I didn't think I would use before). All the sudden everything becomes about how is the baby? How are you feeling? You look great and glowing and BLAH and no longer how are you? Accompanied by regluar converstation. LORD

Any way thats life at the moment I sure once the little bundle arrives I will feel differently about all this crap but at present I just want to be myself again. Please don't get me wrong I think being a parent is one of the single most greatest things someone can do but fuck man I just want to be indepent again with no worries and all the oppotions and I think I'm just having some growing pains around that I am ageing and that scares the crap out of me because the more I age the closer the end of all this there is and I just don't feel like I have the time to do all the amazing things I am meant to do. It just all seems a bit sureal at the moment.

Thats all for now I will try and get better at this posting thing. I keep saying that but it never seems to happen.

Sadness

Hey world,

So today my grandfather died, from a heart attack, he was walking away from the hospital and it happened in the parking lot. How sad. But I bet he was totally loanly because my Grandma pasted away in 2006. Wow its almost been 4 years, and I miss her so much she was such a fun little old lady. Always saying some day you'll be able to tell me how crazy I am. Crazy like a fox and fun. I think what makes me the sadest is that his death reminds me of her's and I loved her. Him not as much he was my grandpa and my dads dad and he brought my dad into the world so for that I'm pretty happy about but yeah not the best guy ever. LONG STORY!!!

Any way so now I will be going home sooner then planned which is ok but sad. The worst part I think will be if I have to go to there house. There is still so much of grams there and that will be really hard. My boyfriend asked if I wanted him to come and I would love that but only if her truly wants to be there for me. Other wise I think he should stay away from this whole situation. Fuck its going to be hard to see my brother and my dad in tears. I think that part makes me cry the most.

Any way blah its been a hard day because I am super stupidly emotional. Tomorrow we are talking about heart attacks and ADE's and CRP and all that jazz and well that might be a little bit hard because well it didn't save gramps so how the fuck is it going to save someone else? BLah okay so the boss might need to know that I will maybe have to leave the room. Stupid hormorns setting me off like crazy lately. blah god, alrighty any way I just needed to vent I think I will be ok I hope the weather gets better cause I'll be driving home.

Thats it for tonight. tear - I really need to tell the people in my life that I love them and chairsh the moments I have with them because you never really know when its all going to end. So I love you, my family I love you I love you Ilove you all more then you know. My friends I miss you and love you.

Any way thats all for to night.

Good night

Update Needed

Well I thought it was due time that I updated and now I sit here with very little to write. I feel blank. Hmm I feel sick and I'm really wishing I could talk normally again. I'm so sick and tired of sounding like I do I miss my cute loving voice! SUCKS!!!! Also you know what else sucks feeling nauseous all the freaking time! That and heart burn. Lord I'm not really sure about all this any more ether.

It a little bit freaked out about the situation that I have gotten myself into. Its totally scary and a little bit larger then I think I really am ready for. I'm sure most people at some point in there life think this way but man I'm really not sure about all this. There are so many what if's and so much doubt its just a bit hard to handle. Also I still haven't faced the worse yet. The parents. Lord

Any way that is enough of that less people figure out what I'm talking about, not really ready to announce it to the world.

What else is going on, well work is work its never ending and really I am not so overjoyed there at the moment but its just because I don't feel challenged at all! This job is stupid easy, I mean really there are some brains in doing it but it is totally not my lifes work and that kills me a little bit ever day. I really need to be doing something more with my talents. I'm to good at other stuff for this to be it.

Blah any way this was not meant to be a bitch session or a down boohoo look how hard done by I am thing I was just meant to update. Its Easter weekend... Happy Easter, and I volunteered to cook Easter Dinner for my man and his friends. Not a smart idea mainly because I feel like ass lately and his friend is a cook for a living, so not smart. I pray that it all tastes good.

Any way I'm totally not into writing right now. Until next time and hopefully a more upbeat post!

Does the exhaust ever end?

So over the past few days I have been the most tried person ever! I don't think that have ever been so exhausted my body is totally working in over time these days! Any way what else work goes alright, the man is still fantastic and I am totally crazy about him! And I'm tried, lol always tried I wonder when this stops?

I need to file my taxes and I'm not totally sure I remember how to online so I have to call the people tomorrow and figure that out so I can get that taken care of. I might have to start looking for a new place to live, that's always fun! But that will be decided soon I would think. Within the next few months for sure any way.

Oh well its day light savings today and I feel like I have slept the day away! I had a 3 hour "nap" and slept well last night and I think in less then an hour I will be in bed. How crazy!

Any way I'm off :)

Spring is in the air

Well it is March and it feels like April. It has been sunny and lovely for the past few weeks! This makes me a little concerned.... why you might ask. Well it is because the snow in our country is getting less and less. Less snow means less water. Less water means dry crops, lower food source and less water for people...which is very bad because it could cause death. Now industrialized countries have not a lot to worry about yet however other countries that have more poverty and less resources they are at more risk. So here is were it gets scary in my mind, in these countries a lot of people die every day already which increase the disease in the countries and eventually the spared of disease causing higher death tolls around the world. So if there is less water in the world causing more death which there for causes disease which can spared then the total death rate will increase drastically world wide. Which will eventually come to our wonderful industrial countries.

Alright so that's that! On with other topics that will not cause people to loss sleep at night. I can only hope that someone is losing sleep over that factor and trying to think of how we correct it. But it might be to late... Any way I've been sleeping well lately why because my boyfriends parents are in town and he can't sleep here when they are in town. But I was introduced to the parents. They are nice people I just hope they liked me. Now I just have to get him back to my home town to meet mine... cause they will never come here.

What else oh I have a bitch moment so his parents are in town because it was his dad's brothers 60 birthday party. He and I were walking on the phone and he was saying that he was about to go to this party and I say oh thats were it is thats nice. Then he says "why are you coming?" I say are you asking and he says no I'm not ready for that. WHAT THE HELL okay so I know this is totally a little thing but don't say something like that if you are going to follow it up with the comment her made. I'm totally cool with him not being ready to introduce me to his whole family but like don't ask that. Lord Tip to men: Do not do stupid shit like that.

Any who I'm going to go return some movies and then I think to the flee market. Woop

What a guy!

Alright so I need to take a small break from work to tell you all about something that happened last night. So my boyfriend is pretty great as a general whole because he is kind, silly, and makes me laugh. Last night after a long day of me working he came to my house and cooked dinner. He made some potatoes in the oven and I bite into one and said "to hot" and he starts laughing and says "cool and the gang".

Gets up runs to the computer and you tubes this song, that I am a bit to young to even know. He plays it we eat and he just laughs. We are now in the living room by the computer and he says one more time. Then grabs my arm and dances with me in the living room, I was totally just amazed by him. What a lovely man, what a lovely thing for him to do. I wonder if he has any idea how sweet that was or how much he just made me melt. Goodness Me I'm totally crazy about him!

Any way back to work cause thats what I get paid for but I just had to share that!

Baking Goddess!

I have not baked in a while and my boyfriend had a bunch of apples in his house going bad so he asked me to do something with them. So I took about 15 and now have one large Apple Crisp and Two Apple Cream Pies (currently cooking 5 minutes left).

So the Apple Crisp looks so good and smells amazing! The Apple Cream pie is a first and a new recipe! It looks really good right now. But I'm a little torn about it we will see how it tastes tomorrow. After they are done I am going over to my mans house with the Apple Crisp.

Oh and Happy Valentines Day! We spent yesterday together cause he had to work today. There where some moments that were really good. I am totally smitten with him so anything would have been wonderful to me. I was just totally happy to be hanging out with him. We talked more about the moving in thing and he now seems to thing that it to soon. I think he is just a little scared about all that but who knows so I'm moving up the third flour by the sounds of things woop! Well half woop I am ready to risk great to get greatness! Any who that's all for tonight, I'm going to check on my pies.

Good night to all! :)

15 mins left of work

Ok so I have nothing to do for 15 mins so I thought I would make myself sound busy by typing and what better way then up dating the good old blog.

Whats new:
- I'm in dept and I hate it! lol Thats not new but its become more and more real so thats why I'm writting about it.

- I'm ready to move to a less expensive city but my whole world is here!

- I'm crazy about my man....also not new but hasn't changed, he drives me a little nuts sometimes but all in all hes super great and we are still that couple. lol

- I'm tried all the time! Also not new but an announcment to the world non the less

Thats it really. Nothing all that exciting just life as per the same. Its high time to try a new recipt so I might have to get on that for tomorrow night. Will see.... ok 10 mins left now I think I can pack it up :P

February...

Well its been a little while since I last wrote so I thought an update was needed. It is February and I am feeling oh so crancky and over emotional! Its like lighten hit me and all the sudden I'm this girl who crys over the littlest things, and gets upset for no reason and god someone needs to just make this all stop!

I think tonight I will go for a long walk with the dog and try and walk the stress off, I'm not really sure what the stress is but its there and its burning inside me saying "hit people, hard you will feel better!" Now as much as I think that sounds great it is no not right to smake random people or any one for that matter.

Last night I was so unset because I felt like someone wasn't listening to me, and they were not cause they asked me to repeat what I was saying three times! ERR I felt so mad I cried, what the hell is that? God! Save me from my crazy self. But as is life things cool off and slowly go away and I'm not as upset as I was but I'm still a little cheesed off about it all and just wish they would have listened. What was I trying to say. That I felt like they were holding back, only giving part information and then saying I'll tell you the rest some other time or in a week. DON'T TELL ME SOMETHING AND NOT FINISH IT! AHHHH

Thats really what I need to say is if you want to talk to me say all of what you want to say not just half. And if I ask you something that you are not comfortable talking about with me just yet, just say that! How hard is that? okay so the emotional crazy is because of this and because I'm just not feeling myself today or yesterday... boo!

On side note things are still going well at work, I'm amazing and everyone sees that, its nice to be apperciated for the things I do. I'm still totally crazy about the man even if her drives me a little nuts. I might be moving up to the third floor at the end of the month!!!! WOOP for a belcony, how exciting! I really hope I get to move up I HATE living on the bottom floor. Maybe thats why I'm crazy no natural light for the past year. LORD! Oh and its offically been a year that I have lived where I am, thats crazy! Even more crazy I've lived in this city for four years now! It seems like just yesterday... no thats not true at all it feels like a life time ago that I was back in BC. But life was so differnet, life is so different things have totally changed here, I've changed, I've grown, I've become (normally) a really amazing person here. I mean I was good before but damn I'm good now :P hahah Oh yes and I can ring my own freaken bell after the last two days I've had.

Any way I'm totally at work and need to get back to writing more policies and procedures, and stratigic planning. Lord gross I'm totally one of those people... barf! :P

sleepy!

Its only 9:00pm and I am officially sleepy! Also I slept until like 10:30am... what the heck! Okay so things are going well these days other then feeling totally burnt out today its all good. The stop smoking plan is going good, I still totally have my hard moments like right now, I want to break down and buy a pack but I'm not going to cause its just a waste of money and its killing me.

So last night my lovely man and I went the philharmonic Orchestra to see Dvorak's Heroic Cello. Its one of his more famous pieces of work the Cello Concerto in B minor, The man who was playing the solo was so brilliant! He moved me to tears because it was totally amazing. It was the boyfriends first performance ever! I hope he liked it, this was something really special to share with him as I do not share that love of the arts with many people, but it is truly something I love and hope that I can share in a relationship.

Tomorrow night I am going to sleep over at this house and try the drive in the morning to see how it goes. Glup! I'm totally nervous about this, but also kind of excited because I think that it is a very promising start to something wonderful. He is wonderful and makes me light up.

Any way enough of that. I'm exhausted and am heading to bed! sweet dreams to all

Oh yeah and a photo of Lake Louise

Remember to just Breath

Okay So today is day 3 of the quite smoking plan... how the plan works, STOP SMOKING! Duh ... And at current I am going F*ing nuts cause all I can think about is smoking, all I want is a smoke this is the most god offal feeling in the whole world. To all those people out there in the world thinking about starting to smoke DONT! It is the stupidest thing you can ever do! Why because you will Love it, you will love it so much that you will do it over almost everything. It is a sick addiction and it sucks when you quit if you can quit, cause its evil you think just one little puff couldn't hurt its just to get me buy this moment cause I need it.... NO NO NO NO NO Do not ever smoke save yourself the evil little demon that is now controlling my life and don't do it!

It all I can think about and I think tomorrow it might be a bit easier but I really doubt it they say the third day is the worst well you know what I truly hope it is! Because this sucks balls, big hair ugly balls!

Anyway on to something else.... I'm totally crazy about this man he is just wonderful... and I think we are talking about living together. So I know that might be a little bit fast but we spend every moment possible together now and he is practically living here so it makes scene for us just to live together. But here is the scary part of this... what if it doesn't work out? I move me and my dog in and it doesn't work out and I have to find another place that allows dogs... Very hard to do. If we move in together and it doesn't work out then not only do I loss my place but I loss my boyfriend.... scary! I'm not alone any more... how is this a negative? Well I have grow to love my free time, and my alone time, I really enjoy having time to myself and this would mean having to consider someone else ALL THE TIME! Oh yeah I forgot to mention TRAFFIC! So at current I live about 5 mins from work.. which is awesome! But moving in with him would mean I would be moving way far away from work! SUCKS

Plus side, we are living together and no much changes because we spend all our extra time together now only there is not two sets of everything, which would be nice. Living right next to a park! How lovely just to go for walks and enjoy nature I think that would be nice. I'm kind of falling for the guy and to be with him would be totally joyful and great!

Oh I don't know... when is it to soon to move in with your other? I'm going to go shopping cause I need to not be at home where I could smoke if I wanted to I need to be somewhere that is NON SMOKING all the time cause right now I feel like I'm going to break.

Alright thats all night all

Ahh falling behind again

So I have fell behind in blogging this past few days its been really busy! I have two new recipes to report on the first was a fish dish with home made fries :) yummy

So here it is:

1 cup oyster crackers (what the F are oyster crackers? no idea I didn't use them!)
1/3 cup Ritz crackers (adds an interesting flavor which is pretty good!)
3/4 cup Parmigiano Reggiano Cheese
1/3 cup flat leafs parsley
3 tablespoons chopped fresh chives
2 tablespoons fresh tyme leaves
1 tablespoon OLD BAY Seasoning ( WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Great question its an American product that is not sold in Canada! So here is what I did a pinch of ginger, nutmeg, paprika, mustard spice and oregano just a pinch of all of them maybe 1/2 teaspoon each)
1 teaspoon garlic powder or granulated garlic
flour
2 larger eggs
Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)
4 Sole or Tilapi
salt and pepper
lemon wedges

Okay so now you mix all crackers, cheese, parsley, chives, thyme, all spices and transfer to shallow bowl then lay out you flour, egg wash and mixture and dip in order then fry in larger skillet with EVOO

Fries: Super easy for two
2 larger potatoes
salt
pepper
oregano
Garlic powder

Per heat oven to 400Degrees

Dress cut potatoes and cook for 35 mins. Then enjoy the wonderful meal, start the fries about 20 mins before the fish as it only takes about 10 mins for two fish to cook.

So I really liked this dish it was easy and tasty!

Tonight's meal was Spaghettini with Scallop Arrabbiata
OH MY GOODNESS YUM~!
12 12oz oz(340 gr) (340 gr) spaghettini
16 16sea scallopsea scallops, (about 14 oz/400 g)
1/2 1/2tsp tsp(2 mL) (2 mL) salt
2 2tbsp tbsp(25 mL) (25 mL) extra-virgin olive oil
2 2oz oz(57 gr) (57 gr) pancetta, coarsely chopped ( I would suggest using real bacon cause this stuff was costly and didn't taste all that great to me for the price I paid)
1 1small onion, chopped
2 2cloves garlic, minced
1/2 1/2tsp tsp(2 mL) (2 mL) hot pepper flakes
1/4 1/4tsp tsp(1 mL) (1 mL) pepper
1 1can can(19 oz/540 mL) whole tomatoes
2 2tbsp tbsp(25 mL) (25 mL) chopped fresh parsley

Preparation:

In large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta according to package directions; drain and return to pot.

Meanwhile, remove tough muscle from each scallop; sprinkle with 1/4 tsp (1 mL) of the salt. In skillet, heat 1 tbsp (15 mL) of the oil over medium-high heat; cook scallops, in batches, until golden, about 2 minutes. Remove and set aside.

In clean skillet, heat remaining oil over medium heat; cook pancetta until crisp, about 5 minutes.

Add onion, garlic, hot pepper flakes, pepper and remaining sa< cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is softened, about 5 minutes.

Mash tomatoes and add to pan; cook, stirring occasionally, until thickened, about 10 minutes.

Add parsley and scallops; cook until scallops are opaque, about 1 minute. Toss with pasta.

Okay so this is out of Canadian Living and man it was easy! And SOOOO GOOD! I would totally make it again!

Any way its late I wasn't at work today cause I was home sick and tomorrow is going to be a long day of returning phone calls and losing my voice I'm sure.

All my love to all those out there.

Night

A weekend away

So this weekend was spent traveling and working. I went to a very amazing beautiful place with my man. He went snow boarding and I worked an event. Well tried to work there really wasn't that much for me to do but it was nice to get away and enjoy some beauty!

sweet and cute moments:

1) We are in our hotel room that over looks the amazing rocky mountains, he trips over my shoe and I say "oh be careful" and he says "I'm just falling for you" lol aww so sweet and cute

2) sitting at the gala at our table and I try this cracker he is having and I say "odd it tastes like there is something sweet in these" he leans close to me and says "the only thing sweet here is you" and kisses my cheek. Pitter Patter goodness so sweet what a guy.

3) also at the table at the gala we are holding hands and laughing, kissing, looking deep into each others eyes and I say "oh my goodness we are THAT couple", he laughs and say "what couple?", Me "the couple that everyone hates at the table, people looking and rolling there eyes and one old lady looking sweetly at us I'm sure thinking something lovely about us, you know the gushy couple" and he pauses and says "oh we totally are" and then kisses me again.

So needless to say I'm totally smittin with this man and tonight is the first night in I don't know how many days that I will be sleeping alone and I already miss him. I'm not going to see him tommorrow ether and he is going away for the night so that means two nights alone. Which makes me sad. He kind of mentioned something about spending so much time together that we should live together.... ok so thats a little scary!

I'm crazy about this guy right now but my last living situation with a man and I so do not ever want to experience something like that again! I don't think he would ever turn into that but man it freaks the crap out of me. I right away said I don't think thats a good idea yet, it being so soon and all. But I think it would be really nice, and I think that we would be really so great together in all ways so scary but nice sounding. Any way I'm not totally sure whats going to happen but I think it is moving something amazing. I'm totally sleepy so I feel like this is not understandable any more so I'm going to go.

But on a final note I'm just a really happy girl and I am thankful for this whatever comes of it.

Comfort

So tonight is all about comfort! Not the kind you might be thinking of like your favorite pair of pj pant, slippers, cotton undees, and no not even t-shirt. Comfort of being with someone.

Here are some signs when you know you have entered the comfort zone:

6) The person brings a tooth brush into your home, or you buy one for them
5) All the sudden you have coffee in your house, a coffee maker and you DO NOT drink coffee!
4) They have there own space in your dresser
3) You notice when you are alone in bed
2) You give them a key to your home
Top number one way you know:
1) The other person rips one in your presents (farts) and laughs about it!!!

So guess how I know this? Cause they have all happened! LORD

That's it, its official you are totally for sure 100% in a relationship and guess what you are and he is in fact comfortable in your presents! But really farting, what the F??? lol

Any way life is really good right now even with the farts :P I'm super happy, I'm much happier with my job because the people there are fantastic! I still love my place, coming home and smiling so wonderful. I have the sweetest little puppy that loves me more then anything in this world, so fantastic and has nipped that clock in the bud for the moment! I have a man that is fantastic! Life is amazing, life was pretty freaken fantastic before but now I'm over joyed with it all, its just all so good. The only thing that gets me down is that I miss my family like crazy these days! All I want is to go home, hug my sister, hug my nephews and give them kisses, hug my dad, hug my mom and snuggle with her on the sofa like we use to do when I was little (one of my favorite memories with my mommy).

I miss them more then words can possibly discribe, I never thought I would ever miss them all this much, when I was younger I was totally ok with being far far far away and now I'm a big baby and all I want is to see them and laugh with them and build some new memories with them, and laugh and smile and hug and can you tell yet I miss them like crazy! Part of me is really truly thinking about how I can move bakc to the home land and take my fantastic little life with me. Have not figured that out yet but I'm working on it!

Any way thats all for tonight I'm pretty cold and need to get some warmer comfy clothing on :) The kind of Comfort I totally love and enjoy, the first kind of comfort really is not all that bad ether, even the farts :)

Happy New Years!

It is officially 2010! I am looking forward to this year I think it will be one for the records. Some things I wonder about are what will become of all kinds of things. I wonder about the future and if things will work out the way I hope. Today I am taking the day to myself! Starting this year with a them of relaxation, living in the present and enjoying all the fruits of the world... and sucking the nectar out of it all.

Enjoy, love, be at peace, keep a peaceful heart, say thank you more often, hold the door for the person behind you, be clam, smile more often and most of all take the time to appreciate the people in your life be with them, love them, hug them, keep them close to you, be kind to them, and always always ALWAYS have the time for them!

Happy New Year to one and all :)

Two Parter

Part One: The creation of the dog bed.

So Yesterday I went to my friends to introduce my new puppy to her new puppy. My friend has this cute little dog bed. I think to myself Roxy (my puppy) needs a dog bed, I have a kennel but no lovely little bed.

My friend recently started swing and sent me this link to how to make dog beds.
Dog Beds



Here is my results with puppy included :)


So cute!

Part Two:

okay this is the venting part, so if you are not interested in reading something about venting move on now!

TRAFFIC:
Okay I remember thinking traffic is not that big of a deal its just people moving from here to there and so what I am clam and the master of the road. But the I think as the temperature drops and thing freeze and I believe that the average persons brain to freezes and people totally forget how to drive!

I swear it must be that but then I think about it and nope that's really not it cause people suck at driving in the summer to. People suck at driving in the city! I can't even begin to explain the udder stress I was in today just trying to get to the store for food! Someone was driving at 30km in a 80km zone and slipping all over the place and being stupid. I finally pass them and OH MY GOD you are a stupid person, on the phone talking away not paying attention to the road... big surprise! Man I am just pissed at this person and I keep on my way then this jack ass cuts me off going so fast that he almost hits me and my heart is just pounding and I am ready to cry and all I want to do is go home and sit in my warm house with no drivers!

Any way that is it and I am done venting now. Thank you for listening.

To my Lovely Sister

I know I am a day late and I know that is bad and yes your package will come but more then likely in the New Year. However from me to you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I Love you, and I miss you more. You are the best sister one could ever ask for. You are strong, amazing, funny, sweet, outstanding, beautiful and so much more to me!

I love you I love you I love you!

PS This is for you

I am Cooking Goddess!

So last night I made three items totally by scratch! I was so worried that it was not going to turn out as I am not really much of a cook but my god I am good!

Thank you Rachael Ray and your website for the Wonderful Meal! I highly recommend you try it out!

Item One:
Dijon Tarragon Chicken
http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=857

Item Two:
Rice Pilaf
http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=13

Item Three (the most tasty and amazing YUM)
Roasted Squash Vegetable Medley
http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=575

So for a yummy home cooked meal that speaks of winter but tastes of spring please give it a try and let me know what you think! So good

I think I will try and make something new at lest once a week. Now that I have a man in my life it seems like I want to cook more again! Also I was inspired by a movie :)

Happy Cooking : )

T'was the Night before Christmas

And all through the house a creature was steering... no it wasn't a mouse! With Me in her Pj's and the man at work. I am just settling down for a movie and then a nap. When all of the sudden what was it I here a little text message and some reindeer? I rose to the phone to see whats the matter. To find a little note with hugs and kisses pitter patter.

And now for some more writing...cause I can't go on with that any more but I think I did a pretty good job. :)

It is Christmas Eve encase you missed that and I am over joyed with how the end of this year is working out! I can't remember the last time I was this happy!

I wanted to up date really just to wish everyone in the world a very Merry Christmas and a New year full of joy, peace, prosperity, love, kindness and hugs :)

Good Night to one and all :)

Its been a while

Well long time no write again! gee I need to get better at this!

So Everything is shinny and new... New job! Woop.... New Puppy! So cute and sweet ... New Man! Who is lovely and amazing and such a fantastic person I'm so lucky to have met him (its only been 2 months :P ) New new new.

I'm very happy and filled with joy this last little while it all seems to be falling into place ever so nicely. I'm over joyed with the out comes that have been coming my way. Now if only the money situation could improve as much as all this other stuff has that would be ideal!

I miss my family and will be missing them through this Christmas I'm not going to make it home this year, and that makes me a little bit sad.

What else? hmm well life is good, I want to start cooking thanks to a movie! It was so all inspiring to watch someone cook through a book and enjoy it and say YUM all the time. Most of the time with the food I make its like oh ok that’s alright but its not amazing!

Any way I'm just updating cause I thought it was totally time and now I'm off to work and play.

The Weekend is my Friend!

Well I take forever to up date... what is going on in the world of me? Well still working at the same crappy job but today was fantastic so that is really good. I am kind of seeing someone and I am not totally sure where that will all go but we are to be hanging out tomorrow night. He is a nice guy but I'm not 100% sure that this is 'the one'. I have been applying for jobs everywhere I can and I keep getting the 'your personality is amazing and you have such a great spirit but not the experience we are looking for' thing and that is so frustrating its not even funny.

I had a doctors appointment that is kind scaring the crap out of me but at the same time things could be worse and I like to look on the positive side of life for the most part. I am only negative about some things and even then I try to spin it in a way that is good. I bought the BEST smelling lotion today, and the most expensive I might add, but I'm kind of in love with it so I'm happy about that.

I wish we could go back to the days when money wasn't the center of all things!

I went to a small town in the south of Alberta to do some training (teacher M haha love it) and on my way home stopped in a small town that is famous for the most silly thing ever. Facebook friends stay posted for photos that I hope to up load soon! I want to go back to school and become a teacher! But I can't afford to do this so that sucks balls! I feel like my lifes work is a calling between Social Work and Teaching both of which don't make the money I need to live, always fun!

I entered a contest to have my student loan paid off and haven't won yet but still have two weeks of draws, please every person out there send me some positive vibes on this one because that is LIFE CHANGING!

And I think my random thought that was ment to be a good post is done now.

so lonely

Well its been awhile yet again and I didn't win the big prize but am thankful for be one out of 98 people who where finalist!

I write tonight because I had a sudden smack in the face of how lonely I am. I drove around so much today just wasting gas because I didn't want to sit at home alone it felt almost unbearable! The thing about life that is the oddest to me is that we are all so really truly alone and we all strive to have a connection in our lives if only for a second or a hour. It is very silly to me that I am so uncomfortable some times being alone. I mean really it should be alright.

I sick of being alone! I'm sick of doing everything by myself! I'm sick of wondering why I feel like the only person on the planet who feels so out of touch with people and the world. I'm sick of wondering who I am and when I lost myself. I'm sick of it!

I just ahhh I just want what we all one someone to spend the days with, the time with, the moments with. Not even a guy in my life but people who are true and there for me. My closest friend is all in family mode with her boyfriend living with her, and then everyone else I knew just is no longer around. You know it sucks, where are friends where is this thing that we are all suppose to have. Am I the only one with nothing? bah

Ok so I'm feel sorry for myself tonight and yes I am a little down these days because I feel like I'm missing the point to all this. I feel like I have lost hope, and that is a destusting feeling, I dream of so much and I have so much faith in things but right now bottom of the freaken world. It just seems hopeless and I wonder some times what the hell am I doing with my life. NO I'm not going crazy, although some times I wish I would at lest then I might have someone to talk to.

Just feel sorry for myself and wondering what the heck is the point right now. knock it up to a shity day.

Tomorrow will be better, I know this! Today is a write off and tomorrow is something I am waiting for. But I dread the end of the weekend I hate my job, although I'm getting sent to Regina next week which is pretty cool.... why you might ask well that is because I have personally been asked to go train the people there on how to manage there job and do all that I do. I have developed this crazy little 101 guide and its pretty great. But here is the great thing and more then likely also why I'm feeling this way. Is no one cares, not my boss, not my ED, not anyone, its just like yes you are going good for you that you where specially requested, who the fuck cares...no one. I can't wait to leave that place its so evil and such negitivity it sucks out my spirit and makes me THIS! This sad, lonely, uninspiried mess of a person, isn't it lovely. AHHH

Good news, I will have an interview coming up for a job I truly want at a place that really believe in and I want this more then anything I can even taste it! I have been trying so hard to find another job and it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. I'm meant to be torn to pieces by those women to the point where I am a mindless person with no hope, and alone.... SUPER GREAT! :(

Any way I'm alive. and that is my update and now I am going to lay in a dark room under a mountain of covers and hope that this all just goes away!

Good night world.... Sleep sweetly.

Four Months Later

So I finally am updating.... it has been a long time. Still happy in my new place, in fact more happy then ever, in love with it, great location, great feel, great just great!

Work is not so good but its been like this for a while so I'm just moving forward looking for that new job that will light me up again.

Today I post because I have two excellent stories.
The first is fast... I am a finalist in a contest and might win a really amazing prize you can bet if I do I will post about that more to come after Friday!

Second... I went back to BC some time ago and brought back with me a bike, a old rusty bike which I have put back together and is working well. Today I decided to get out on it and go for a ride. Towards the end of my street I live on is not the best area. Abandoned homes, scary looking people, BIG dogs that bark as you ride by and at the end of it a field which I sat in and just enjoyed the sun and my last summer day off. Then kept on my way and found this house. This very odd house in the middle of a sad area.


So I can't load the photo's I created an album on my facebook, if we are friends you can see them there if not just know it was something else!

Any way will try to up date soon and not go so long :P

The long wait over!

Well I sit here in my new apartment alone! Finally alone. It took a long time and some super hard moments. It took realizations that you need to be patient and wait. But its here and I'm almost unpacked....I think I should be able to finish tomorrow. This past month has been full of disappointments, joy, stress, and long days. I hope that this new start brings many wonderful things to it.

I am recovering from a cold and a big head ache that I have had all day and will not seem to go away. I am on the look out for a new job now officially. I just need that part of my life to get better and then I will be in the place that I want to be. The place of true bliss and joy and happiness! The future looks bright and exciting! Can't wait.

Any way just a little up date to let any one who reads this know I'm alive and well and in my new place! WOOP

Until soon.