The end of the year

Well 2010's end is upon us and last year at this time I would have never thought that I would be here with all these changes. I now live with a wonderful man and have been blessed with a little man and we are looking at moving to a smaller community. I would have never thought that this is what life would be like last year.

So I am thankful for the changes and the amazing blessings I have gotten this past year. It has been a good year. This up coming year is going to be beautiful! I look forward to all the new things and getting to spend a year with my lovely little man and growing with my new family. I look forward to the future and what is to come. Welcome 2011~!! well in an hour.... :)

What else the most interesting thing and wonderful thing. So the Man loves coffee and recently enjoyed drinking McDonald's coffee. So as a general whole I think McDonald's is bad and no good for people or society as a whole but they sure to make the BEST cups ever! I took a hard corner and his coffee went flying out of the cup holder on to the floor of the car and all I can say is CRAP! I'm thinking shit coffee every where so I pull over and put my hazard lights on an try to clean the mess. Only to find all the Coffey still in the cup and the lid fully on not letting anything out. I then said out loud WHOOO thank you McDonald's for creating the freaken best cups and lids ever. Awesome!

Any way i just wanted to up date a little my little man is sleeping but might wake up soon so time to get ready for him :)

Happy New Year to one and all and may you be as blessed as I am.

I need a vacation!

I need a vacation I think I might go on strike and take off cause I feel like I have an extra shot of crazy lately. Also I think my hormones are still a little bit out of wack cause I feel totally off! Not so much fun :(

My little man is growing every day now he has officially grown out of number 1 dippers and almost all of his 3 month clothing! FYI he is only a month and a half old!!!! So he is wearing 6 month old clothing. Some are way to big others fit perfect so who knows.

I was totally concerned about his hearing but trust me he can hear!!!! WOOP I was an evil mommy and tested when he slept he is just picky about what he responds to. Any way daddy is almost done feeding baby so that means I'm up and its bath time.

Woop

Birthday!!!!

To the most wonderful, outstanding, lovely and amazing sister every.... April :)

Happy Birthday!!!!


I love you so much and you are fanstastic!!!

Twas the night before Christmas

All through the house... This is my little mans first Christmas and I don't think he is to excited as he doesn't really know what is going on. So here is the question ... do I tell my son about Santa and let him believe to only find out he is not real OR do I tell him about the real Santa and the spirit of him and the truth?? I'm thinking the truth. But I'm not sure many people will like that. Like the Mans mom was all what is Santa going to bring you? Well Santa did get him a few things but still its the spirit of Santa but mom bought it and I think its better to be honest with him. hmmm not sure.

What else? I'm looking at flights to maybe go home cause my trip didn't work out. I miss my family! blah any way I'm going to get going the little man might wake up soon to eat. Merry Christmas eve :)

Growing more!

Today we went to weight our little man and he is weighing in at 13 pounds even! And height is 24 inch :) woop The only crappy thing is that he is getting hard to carry in that stupid seat! Like super hard! We have been walking almost every night of the week for at lest an hour, in the mall... stupid mall but I like getting out and I need the exercise. I'm going to start going to the gym soon once I can figure out a good time to go. Maybe 11 -12 or something like that. Who knows

What else? I'm still pissed about not making it home it sucks balls! I starting to think more and more that someone in my family is totally crazy and just about the biggest liar I have ever met. So frustrating!

Any who I'm going to get going my little man is being fussy and wants some attention.

Boo!

I hate winter! Because of stupid winter I didn't get to go home we got about an hour out and the weather turned to shit. I cried for almost half way back because I was so upset that we where turning around to come home. I really wanted to go to see my family...well mainly my sister. But still it sucked ass The Man had to drive because I was such a mess. SUCKED and SUCKS still!

So I sent all the presents home yesterday and they should be there by Thursday at the latest but more then likely sooner. So what am I doing? Nothing really being sad a little because I really wanted to be home. Taking care of my little man and my main man. Thinking about cooking a turkey for Christmas but its hard to do this with the baby because he likes attention during the day and if he doesn't have enough he cries! lol

I'm thinking of making a trip to the mall to day and do some shopping for me but we will see at present I'm feeling a little bit lazy and just want to stay in my pj's but I might get motivated to get out.

Oh and my little man has the such dry skin it is so bad he flakes all over the place when I take his clothing off and his head is covered in dry skin and I'm worried that will turn into cradle cap. No body wants that! So what do I do, how can I put lotion on his head and in his hair, gross! I know they say it will go away but its not the same its just dry skin. Any ideas would be great.

Any way its early and everyone is still sleeping so I think I might make some breakfast and wake them up :)

I`m coming home

Or hopefully if the roads are ok we are going to be going. I really want to introduce my little one to everyone well he is little. The plan is to leave Saturday night at around 7pm travel part way (less people on the road!). Stay the night in a hotel and then travel the rest of the way. Hopefully we will be able to go through the short way because it saves us about 4 hours but what ever is the safest we will go. Then we have to hope all goes well and we can get home so the Man can get to work.

My little man is super cranky lately I think he has bad gas some times but at lest he is sleeping through most of the night. I think our trip might mess things up for him for a little bit but hopefully he doesn`t notice :)

I am a little afraid of how far we have to go but I`m sure it will be fine. Its such a long drive and there really is nothing through some of it. 3 hours of nothing which is a little scary in the winter with a baby and a little dog and of course me who has issues with the cold. So lets hope it all goes well and that we can get there and back. Any way thats all for now tomorrow a shopping trip and packing are in order then Saturday a party :) woop

Can't wait for warmer weather!

So there are a few things I hate about the winter. The number one item is that I can't spend any time out side in the winter because I have a problem with the cold. I can't walk outside and I really need to walk a bit more to get my legs back in shape and help trim my tummy back down (even though I am already in all my per prego clothing).

What is the alternative to walking outside? Going to a mall and walking there. That sucks ass might I add because there are a million jerks in the mall that could care less if I have a baby with me or that are rude and I just hate the mall its to much! To many people, to much noise, to many lights, and blah its just bad there but its the only place I can go for a good walk.

So last night I went to one of the big new malls and the other thing I now hate is creepy people! This lady "bumped" into me three times to say how cute my baby was and tried to touch him. Err keep your hands away from my baby. And another person worked at on of the vendors in the middle of the mall grabbed the stroller and pulled it towards his booth and I tore him a new ass whole. I yelled at him and told him he needed some common manners and that in Canada you don't just grab peoples strollers to pull them over to try and sell them shit and if he touched it again I would consider it self defence to punch him out. He looked scared after that and he should have been. Never doubt a mother! I would have fucked him up!

Any way that is all for now my little man is upset so time to go.

Mt little butter ball

He is a big as a turkey at thanksgiving or chirstmas! 11lbs 9oz and growing! We went to see everyone at work today and he made all the ladies fall in love with him. Even the not so nice accounting guy thought he was cute and had a big grin on his face when I showed him off.

I gave him a pho-hawk today it was totally cute but his hat messed it up :P Better that he is warm then looking all fly! Its been really nice here lately and it looks like we only have one day of cold weather this week which is nice.

Any way the Man needs some help so I should get going. I just wanted to update and let the world know that I have a butter ball and I love him more then anything in this world!

Weight gain

So today I took my little man to weight him today just to see how he was doing and he gained almost a pound he is now 11lbs 1.9 oz getting bigger and bigger already I know time is going to fly and he will grow so fast. He is already lifting his head really well. He isn't catching finger movement with his eyes yet but he is looking around more and more. He doesn't like the sun shining in the car when he is trying to sleep and he likes being held when he has gas.

He is just so amazing and I am so in love with him it is not even funny he is just so perfect. What else? I have to finish up Christmas stuff soon and I am going to take my little man into work to meet all the ladies. :) He is going to be a lady killer I can feel it plus with his parents amazing good looks its hard not to attract all that attention ... hehe

Any who I just wanted to up date about him gaining weight, we have an appointment next week to see how he is doing I will up date again soon.

2 weeks tomorrow

Well my little boy is 2 weeks old tomorrow and I am feeling better and better as the days go by which is fantastic and I can't wait to feel totally better. He is sleeping more and more over the night which is good and I look forward to him being more awake so we can do stuff together like more tummy time or play or anything really other then watch him sleep :P

I'm super sleepy lately last night I slept through a feeding which is totally crazy. I feel like I have a million more times energy then when I was with child which is nice but at the same time when I'm sleepy I am exhausted and have a hard time functioning.

I think I'm going to try and decorate for Christmas this weekend at least get the tree up so it can be ready to be decorated and finish up the stockings that I made. Any who I need a nap so I`m going top head before my little man`s next feeding :)

Belly Button

Today Mr. Nicholas lost his umbilical cord and he officially has a belly button! 12 days old and already things are changing so fast. He is keeping us awake at night and sleeping all day. I have so much to get done that I feel like I can`t sleep when he is but I really need to start sleeping when he is because I`m not doing so hot on the energy front.

Oh so something amazing!!! I have been wearing stretchy pants for the past 5 months because all my pants stopped fitting, it sucked balls. But today for kicks I wanted to try on my jeans just to see how far I needed to go in order to get back into them. Guess what??? They FIT!!!!! HAHAHAh I had a baby and lost a tone of weight and can wear my jeans again. I haven`t had jeans on for months and months and they went on no problem! How amazing and fantastic. They are a little tight but not to bad at all.

My body still hurts a lot at moments but its getting better. Next week I`m going to plan to drop into work to show off my little man :) I just have to call and let them know. It will be our first out and about of the house. We have been out just he has waited in the car with me or the man cause I`m really not wanting to get my little man exposed to too much. But I think we are ready to start slowly getting out of the house. I going to try and join and mom and baby walking group too. Fun times.

Any way I just wanted to up date and let you all know how wonderful he is and how totally in love I am with him. What a wonderful joy!!!

Guilt and other thing

Lets talk breast feeding today, so everyone and there dog knows breast is best but it does not work for everyone. Well I am one of those people that it just didn't work for, I put in a weeks worth of work trying and hoping they would work but they just didn't. One side wasn't pulling anything out and the other got so engorged that I thought I was going to die when I was trying to pump. That said I went to the doctor got antibiotics and hoped that the infection would go away, which it pretty well has. But now I have the most crazy guilt because I can not feed my child. It sucks! What makes this worse is that everyone else and there dog likes to rub in the fact that I am not doing and the man is not super helpful ether he is one of them who likes to rub it in more then any one. He seems to think I only tried for two days not quite thank you.

I don't know about all you out there but after have a nurse man handle my breasts, squishing and pulling them and shoving them in my kids face then pumping for 20 mins per side for the 4 days in the hospital then trying to pump at home is not trying then I don't know what the fuck is. I'm super sensitive about this topic because it makes me feel like shit! Like does everyone think I went into this going hahaha fuckers I'm not going to breast feed I just want to flush money down the drain paying to formula and not providing the best for my child. Really? errr!

Any way I could go on about that forever so moving on to the other things. Not only do I have guilt I also have a gas baby because of this stupidity! Poor little ninja!!!! He has so much gas and I don't know how to help him, we are presently trying Gripe Water. It seems to be helping a lot which is nice because he was so unhappy and uncomfortable. He has decided that between 11pm and 2am that he would like to be awake and fussy! Awesome! All he wants to do is suck, cry, suck, cry, lay there, look around, cry and suck some more. Its super frustrating because I don't understand why this is happening. I just would like him to be awake in the day time. I'm also trying to get him to sleep longer at night. Which is why I'm up right now. He started getting fussy in his bed but I'm trying to keep him sleeping and relaxed so that he will sleep for 4 hours at night rather then 3 which is really to benefit me and my man. We have a half hour before he makes it and I think its looking good.

What else? I now understand what tried really is! I have a greater apperciation for women who can breast feed and I feel like this past week has been the longest one ever. Also I am still hurt and sore and doing way to much to early but feel like I have to because other wise it seems that people think I'm lazy. Sorry did you just have a truck drive through your lady parts? No I don't think so why am I laying down? Cause it hurts! lord.

Any way enough bitching from me for one post. I am on the the positive the most proud mother of the world cutest little man, he is so wonderful and I am so in love with him.

One week old

Today my little ninja is one week old! I am feeling better but did a little bit to much this morning so need to rest a bit more. The baby has been having gas lately and its making him super fussy so I am trying to nip that in the bud here as to not have the poor little guy suffer.

What else? I'm tired and need more sleep but I don't think that will be happening any time soon, new baby and all. The man is going back to work tonight and that sucks balls I wish he could take a few more days until I'm feeling a bit closer to 100% better, cause going up and dow at night suck balls and I just would like for him to spend a bit more time with us.

I don't have to much else to say right now other then I am happy I am feeling better and I hope that next week I will feel up to going out with my new little man. Here's hoping. Oh well I need to have something to eat now but I will try to up date soon.

Baby makes three

Well folks I am offically a mom... how crazy is that? We got home today just after 1:00pm and my little bundle is seatteling in well. I had a boy, a 10lb 3oz baby boy. Nicholas Joesph welcome to the world and into my heart. I love you like crazy already. Part of me was really hoping for a girl but I am so happy he is here and he is perfect! He sleeps a lot right now but I know those times will come to an end in the future.

So here is how it all went down. On my due date November 17 we went to the hospital to be induced at 9:30am well it turns out that on that day everyone else and there dog wanted to have babies too so I didn't get officially induced until 12pm or so and then got moved over to popartum to wait to go into labour well now we waited and waited and waited and waited some more then on November 18 something started to happen... contractions. So these are the most painful freakin things in the whole world it feels like a menstrual cramp times a billion! So I was having lots of these super close together about every 2 mins which in a normal world is a lot of time but in labour world seems like nothing. They monitored babies heart and something seemed a bit off so they wanted to get us over to labour as soon as they could. I think we moved over there at 12:00pm November 19 but I was in so much pain that I didn't really know what the hell was going on. So we get over there and I am put on the bed and told an epidural was going to happen, at that point in time I was like woop to that make this stop! So I got one, so this was not totally natural but really you have no idea my uterus wouldn't stop contracting which is why I was in so much pain nothing let up.

Let me say this also Epidurals are the best freaken thing in the world because with out I wouldn't have made it through this they had to us forceps to get him out because he was so bit and I have a grade 3 (out of 4) level tear in my girl place! So yes amen to epidurals!!! Any way our little man made it into the world at 3:30pm with a whole lot of help from a wonderful doctor! Thank you to Dr. Edwards! Nicholas cord was rapped around his neck so he was having some heart dips well inside still. They had to give me a lot of stuff to make sure he could make it out with out a C section. Which I am totally grateful for because I can only dream of the amount of pain I would be in now if they would have done one.

Speaking of pain I am in a whole bunch of it between my tare and my body just being over working it is like I got hit by a truck twice! Plus I think I'm still having contractions little ones any way it seems like. It sucks and I don't think I'll feel much better for another week or so. Sucks!!! Any way we are happy to be home! Breast feeding is a whole other story for another time. Right now thats all I have to write.

And lastly I'm over joyed to be home!!!

D day

Tomorrow is the official due date and guess what, I'm still with child. However at 9:30am tomorrow I am going to the hospital to be induced. Thats right people my doctor is worried about what might happen and thinks its best to get me in and get things started. The doctor said that they might let me go home after the first set to the induction but she says she wouldn't let me go so be ready to stay. So thats what we are doing tonight... getting ready for hospital stay. Fun times.

I'm so nervous it is not even funny, I'm worried about how this will all go and how long it might take. But by the weekend we will have a new little person in this world and they will be happy and healthy, or lets hope for that! Also if all goes well I should be home by Thursday for sure, please hope for that!

My mom arrived safe and sound after a long time finally getting in at 1:30am and with how bad the roads are we didn't get back to the house until almost 3am! What a long night then only sleeping for 6 hours boo! I hope tonight I get better sleep then that because tonight might be the last of good longer then 5 hour sleeps that I might get for the next 3 months.

Any who thats all for now wish me luck on this and lets hope it all goes really well.

2 days

I'm due in 2 days and no the baby has not come yet! My mom is coming late tonight and I totally hope that I go into labour today. Which could be very possible or not who knows. So if you don't want to ready to much information stop reading now...

This morning was a little different because I woke up with a little bit of pain and the oddest sensation ever I went to the washroom because I had to pee like a mo-fo and there it was..the plug! What did I say "Wow so thats what that looks like... yuck...crazy...yuck" In the other room I hear the man "Are you ok?" yes I'm ok (laughing). Go back to bed and he asks whats so funny and I say well the plug definitely came out! He asks "How do you know?" I say "Umm well I saw it... and it was gross but that means the baby is for sure ready and coming soon."

Any way that is it and I'm hoping that my little ninja makes it way into this world before my mom gets here but I don't think that is going to happen. However I think within the next few days it will be here! I hope! I'm excited to meet my little friend and just want it to happen! Oh well need to eat some breakfast keep my energy level up. Happy Monday!

Still with Child

Well the baby is still in the house and I am really getting to the point where I wish they would come already so I can not be pregnant any more. Last night the Man took me to a craft fair that I got to every year. I thought I wouldn't be able to go this year but I got to! I was happy about that. This craft fair is an event its big, lots of tables, lots of people, singers, action and what not. I like to go to these things just to walk and look.

Well walking I started having contractions and thought to myself great story, so we are walking through the craft far and then my water brakes with people everywhere, the car was so far away and it all happened so fast. Lord thank goodness that didn't happen! Today there is another far that I like to go to just outside of the city. I'm not sure if I'm going to get the man out to this one because he is all about saying he is spending the day cleaning for my mom's arrival on Monday.

Speaking of my mother, lord she is funny I think she wants me to tell her to not come. Last night she called asking if I still need her or want her to come. What should I do not please don't bother its fine don't care about whats going on. I said to her that I was surprised she booked a whole week here because I think she will be here for two days and want to go home but other wise yes come. Then she says well what if its to soon and you don't have the baby. I say trust me I will have this thing before then! Or my doctor will take it out because I am so sore and done that I can't wait much longer. Any who I think its silly that she is trying to get out of coming. The mans parents are so excited to come and meet the little one and spend time with us its the total opposite!

Oh well I'm going to get ready for the day, a walk is in the future in hopes to move things along and I have to work on getting the man to go to the craft far today :)

5 days

So today I had another doctors appointment and I am feeling really done with all this and really would like the baby out, so I tell my doctor about all the crazy things happening and how much pain I'm in and she say ok lets check you out. We listen to the little ninja heart just a going like usual then she says we need to check your cervix...

Umm ok really? Do you have to I've heard bad things about this I'm not so sure I want you putting anything up there. So I get ready and sure enough this hurts just like everyone said it would like a sun of a bitch! I wanted to cry it hurt that much lord! I can't believe how much that hurt and how much this all is going to hurt! Any way so checking this and she says great 2 cm looking good... umm what does that mean? It means your body is getting ready to have this baby, awesome.

So I'm super excited about the baby getting here but the part before the baby gets here is totally scary! I'm really just ready, but I'm not sure how ready for all the pain that might come with this. Any who I'm hoping that by Monday the baby will be here but who knows at this point. My next appointment with the doctor is on the 16th the day before my due date. Fun times.

6 days

So since yesterday I have been having the oddest tingling sensation in my lower area's also in my upper tummy at the top of what I think is my uterus. I think that means that this little one is going to be here soon. I would say that it will come on time, tomorrow I have a doctors appointment and we are going to talk about the last ultrasound and all the crazy changes I have noticed lately. But the tingling I think is a tell sign of something starting! Woop

The man is at an interview today and should be home around 5pm. Ouch ok this little one is getting a little to strong it just kicked me and it hurt! Come out little baby!!! not before 5, but come out! Any way the mans interview is for a job in another city. I would really like to not be living in this city any more it stresses me out so much with all the traffic and rude people and man it just is getting to be a bit to much for me I'm to old for this :P

What else? I'm making stockings for the man and the baby, I have one more to put together then I just need to do the pictures on them but I have no idea what I want to put on them. I was thinking a cute little reindeer for the baby with a little tree on it. For the man I have no clue... mountains maybe the shadow of a special mountain or something? no clue yet

I have to go pick up some more colours of felt to do the reindeer tho. I want to finish them before baby gets here cause I don't think I will have the time to do it after. My mom said she booked her ticket here for a few days from now which is nice if she does come. It will be the most time I will have spent with my mom in years! I'm a little nervous about that because we are very different now and I wonder how it will be having her here and her seeing how much different I am. But it will be nice to connect with her if she does really show. My dad is not coming which kinda sucks but part of me wonders if he is really not supportive of this little one because we are not married. But I have no idea we don't talk.

oh well I'm going to head off.

Lord

So last night I thought for sure my little ninja was on the way, I was wrong. But man did I ever feel bad, all the sudden I got super hot and started feeling so sick and I thought that I was going to die. This morning I have had some cramping but nothing big happening. I really hope it comes soon I'm totally ready for this baby to be here!

Today is 9 days until due date and 3 days before I got to the doctor again to check on everything and talk about what we are going to do with my big little ninja.

Any who I just wanted to update to bitch because this all sucks ass.

13 days

As the due date gets closer I am getting more and more nervous about this! The baby is still getting bigger and measuring in the 9 lbs range now but they said they measure normally 10% higher then they are. So what does that mean? It means it could be smaller :) woop smaller would be good. Yesterday I thought that maybe the baby was coming cause things where moving odd and I was feeling crampy but nope nothing. Which is good cause the man is not back until tomorrow.

The thing about right now is there is so much going on that I want to do. There is this craft sale that I love to go to ever year and its this weekend. So I'm going to go on Friday as long as I feel up to it, course the man will come with me! Then he has an interview next week in a town about 3 or 4 hours away. Which should be ok but you never know. My next doctors appointment is the 11th so as long as I don't go into labour the baby is for sure not coming before then, when my doctor and I will talk more about c-section and if it might be the safer way to go. We will see how it all goes. Who knows I'm having a braxton hick as we speak so who knows what will happen.

I'm hungry and I think I should go snack on something well I feel it. Lately eating has been less then the top thing on my list yesterday I ate pretty well but the day before it was really bad! I'm trying to be better but its totally hard. Also I'm sick of having swollen hands! It sucks and I am so ready to have normal figure movement again.

Any way I'm off.

Blah!

I had such a crappy sleep! I have had a headache for the past day and a half and it just wont go away. It hurts so much plus last night I was having some tummy tightening and my little friend was hurting me a little bit. I really ready for this little person to come out of me! The man seems to think its going to come today but I really don't think so. I do however think it will be soon because things are changing and that leads me to believe that it is going to happen soon.

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment and I think we will book another ultrasound to see how big the little ninja is getting. I think I`m going to work on a the babies room and try to get the last pieces organized. The man goes away tomorrow also for three and a half days! I`m talking to the baby and telling them they CAN NOT come during this time. So we are going to take it super easy and not do anything that could send me into labour!

Any way I think I should get dressed and make some food. Happy Halloween :)

Work is over

Today was my last day of work and it is so weird! I have never not worked I might have three weeks of nothing, which I'm sure I'll miss later but right now it seems s little crazy to not being doing anything really. My next doctors appointment is Monday and the Man will be going away from Monday - Thursday so heres hoping the baby doesn't come in that time. I'm a little mad at him for leaving me right now but I wasn't about to tell him not to go especially if the baby doesn't come he would be upset for not going.

Something kind of wonderful happened today. My sister sends me post cards well she is out of town its nice to see the places she goes in a way but I guess one got lost in the mail and today I got it sent to me from the people who found with a little note say "I don't know how this got into our mail box in Montana but thought you would like to eventually get it. - regards, The Ketcherans."

Well Dear Ketcherans thank you so much for being kind and sending this on to me it is so wonderful to know that there are still nice people out there in the world who care to forward something on to a stranger! It made my day because it was so kind and great!

Any way thats all I have to say for now but will up date again soon.

Oh Boy!

So my last day of work was scheduled for November 5, 2010 however today at the doctors she said she really would like to see me off sooner and thinks that going until this Friday is enough. That said to my boss she asked for my doctor to write it down for me and they will put me right on to short term disability so that means I will not start my Mat leave until the baby officially comes. So I might get an extra 3 weeks off, which is kind of nice but at the same time what am I going to do? I asked that question to my doctor and she said "sleep and swim, your job for the next few weeks is to sleep, rest and go to the pool every day." Alrighty Fun times.

Then she went on to say if at my next ultra sound the baby is measuring 5000 or over we are going to talk about suggesting a C-section and that it would happen pretty quickly after that with in the week or so. So baby might come soon scary and exciting all at the same time. Also might I just say I love my doctor, she is so reassuring and great! I would recommend her all over the place, she is fantastic! I really hope she is the one who delivers me because I have every confidence in her and her skills and I know she would take very good care of me and my little one!

Any way I think that is all for now. My next appointment is November 1, 2010 and we will see how things are going then.

Baby baby baby!

So today I had another ultrasound, why because my little ninja is getting bigger and my doctor wants to watch things. Today the doctor told me that they are thinking that the baby is 8 lbs 10oz now... LORD! The doctor at the ultrasound place said that I might want to start thinking about other options for birth, but to note some most babys growing this way are born naturally. I'm really scared about a c section!

I'm crazy about my man he is a great guy in many ways BUT I'm totally freaked out about how much he doesn't do around the house and if I am down and out for 6 weeks because of a c section that we might fight far to much and will be a big stress in the house. Its a stress in the house as it is because I'm so tried and he bitches about that. I'm growing a human it takes a toll on the body! He totally doesn't get that. Oh well after I talk to my baby doctor he and I might be having a conversation about the reality of things.

Baby is doing lots of practice breathing and is moving around a lot and doing very well they say so thats nice to hear! I'm ready to not be with child any more! I am so exhausted and its so hard to get comfy and I'm just done. Any who I'm going to go nap I think cause I'm like I said totally exhausted.

I'm difficult!

Today was a funny day at work because I was booked for this lunch with my boss and my team and someone tried to book a meeting really close to the same time. So I thought in order to give them enough time I would reschedule for later in the day. Nope they insisted on the time set and I was so pissed about it. So I go to the meeting open and ready to take no bull and it goes fine. Than I come down 15 mins late and I start to feel like something is up. I see my boss with the classroom door closed and then I know something is up!

Surprise baby shower... Wooop I felt like such a silly person because I made such a big deal out of this stupid meeting because I felt like my time was not being valued and that it didn't matter what I had planned only their agenda which made the hair on my back raise. But nope they where just trying to help keep me totally in the dark about this.

So I got some more baby things, a bib, one piece, green sleeper and the cutest yellow winnie the pooh set. Oh and a gift card for quite a bit! It should buy at lest half the crib! rah rah to that!

So needless to say I'm difficult and should have just went with the flow. Any way thats my up date for today.

30 Days!

Well we are officially at month 9! The last month of baby inside me and the soon approaching scary moments of birth... yikes! Baby is moving around but it really isn't the same any more I'm thinking that's because there is not as much space as there once was. I'm trying to get everything ready for baby but its hard because we don't know what we are having and I can't buy to many out fits and stuff. So today is washing baby clothing and making sure they are ready. The man is going to steam clean the car over the week and then we will get the car seat in.

I'm interviewing for my replacement at work this coming week, which is totally odd, but also exciting all at the same time. I have a total of three weeks left at work and way to much to do in that short amount of time.

The man went back to his winter schedule which means he is no longer home on the weekends and I miss him today. The next three weeks will be hard because I will not see him really at all wednesday through Saturday because our schedule is so differnet I go to work and well working he is home then he goes to work two hours before I'm off and doesn't get home until 12 at night. When I will be sleeping, so I will wake up with him there but never fall asleep with him. booo long 3 weeks!

Any way I'm going to head out for a bit and maybe pop by his work with a coffee for him or somthing.

35 days and counting

Well today it is 35 days until my due date and I am really ready to be done being pregnant! My back hurts all the time, my right hip feels like its on fire most every day, I have hard time breathing/climbing stairs/walking for more then 20 mins/bending/getting up from the sofa/etc, and I'm just about done with my stupid swollen feet and hands that look like little sausages!

Plus I think the man is stick of my tossing and turning at night, moody craziness that seems to come at lest ever hour or two, and the general blah that seems to have taken over me! We have another class this coming Saturday to learn about breastfeeding and first few weeks or months of welcoming baby home. My next Ultrasound is on October 21, then the next appointment with the doctor is a few days after I think on the 26 but I have no idea right now.

I feel like I'm getting sick again... for the first three months of this I had the worlds longest worst cold ever and I feel like that is coming back, I'm so stuffy, sore, tired, and cloudy. Someone has said as you get closer to the end you can start having fly like symptoms and get sick. Wonderful!

Any way I think I should try and get some work done, I'm so not motivated today for anything. I want to go home and go to bed! Boo

My little over achiever

Another appointment another day and offically its a month before I am on mat leave! How crazy is that it seems like it was just yesterday but at the same time it seems like its lasted forever! So I had my appointment to see how the little ninja is doing and to talk about my last ultrasound.

By the sounds of things baby is doing very well. In fact everyone says the same thing. I have a little over achiever! It does everything it is suppose to but at the highest end. Its using its lungs, moving, heart is great everything is great and its in the 95% range. Today the doctor tells me that baby at 34 weeks is already 6lbs!!!! To which my mouth dropped and I said "so what your saying is I need to diet!" The doctor laughed and said NO just be mindful and aware that you have a little amazing person growing inside you and I hope you go into labour a little bit early.

Awesome..... So thats a little scary not only now am I totally worring about the day which is almost upon us but now I also have to worry that my little ninja is big and might really tare me a new bum whole! GOD

Second to that I have to start thinking that a C-section is a very real possiblity, one which I'm totally not happy about because I'm not sure how that will all go. In fact the doctor said to me if it gets to the point where they are talking forseps that I need to tell them to do a C-section if there is time. But I'm not totally sure about that. She seems to think I'll heal better from a c-section. Scary! We will see soon enough.

Our bathroom has been ripped up for the past few weeks and should be totally finished and good to go by Friday which is totally exciting!!! Then Baby room full out needs to get finished and ready! I also need to pack the baby bag soon for the hospital. \

Any way thats all for now but will update soon.

Baby Update

Well all weekend I was in loads of pain my back and my upper abs and lower abs, went to the doctor who sent me to the hospital to do some test four hours later and I never want to go back there. I'm thinking I will not go unless I'm really sure this baby is coming. So what did they figure out? My white blood count is high... wow four hours to figure that out and its common in women who are expecting. SHOCKER! LORD

So today I had an Ultrasound to measure baby's growth. So its in the 90% range which means it is growing a lot and the lady seemed to think it was a "big" baby saying most of the time when they are growing like this at this stage they range in the 8lbs to 9lbs. Which is totally scary! But the crazy thing is that like 4 weeks ago it was measuring small! So who the heck knows! I have another appointment with the doctor to review things on the 5th of October, which is one month before I'm officially off work. Yikes! 49 days until the due date today. Double yikes!

What else? oh yeah did I mention it has a big head! Fun. Thanks to the Man, he has a big head and fuck I was totally hoping that it would get my head but I guess not. He is going to pay for ever single moment that head hurts me! I wish I would have taken more time off work I fell like I could take off now and just rest but really I would just get board after about a week.

Well I think thats about it. I hope everything goes well. Will up date soon :)

56 days

Well its 56 days until baby is due, I know this might sound crazy but I'm ready not to be pregnant again. I miss laying on my tummy and being able to climb up stairs without feeling like I might die. I also just would like to not hurt any more, I'm sure that is much further away then 56 days but I know some day I will not be in so much pain and that is reassuring!

Doctors appointment yesterday, the man came with me!! Its his first time to the doctors office, he’s a good man but he is driving me crazy lately! Babies heart is beating strong, I think it might have moved into the head down position or is getting ready to because I'm getting more rib kicks the ever before and I have to pee a lot more. Going for another ultrasound on October 5, 2010 which is one month until I'm officially on Mat leave! How crazy, I know it seems like it has taken forever for this to come but looking back I can't believe its already so close. This weekend I think I'm going to really try to get the big bed out of the babies room so we can get it set up. I'm going to pack the bag for the baby this weekend too I think, or at least get it close to being ready so I know what’s missing if anything.

So here’s another fun thing. I've been going to the Chiropractor because my hips have been bugging me a lot. I have had three adjustments now and the last one scared the crap out of me, she did some stuff on my neck and after I got blurry vision in one eye for about 10 mins. So for those of you out there who don't know, Chiropractors can trigger a stroke. There are five signs you are having a stroke: vision problems, dizzy, weakness, trouble speaking and headache. Why is this? Chiropractic manipulation involving the neck can cause arterial dissection. My advice to people is don't let people mess with your neck! So now I don't want to go back, I'm scared of what else might happen if I go back. I'm going to be a mom, I don't want to be disabled and trying to raise my child.

What else? I bought my first computer ever! The old one I had was given to me and has been well used in the past 8 years, but I bought a laptop! It has Windows 7 on it which I rather like, and I have been getting it ready for just incase I have to work from home.

Just got off the phone with the Chiropractor and she is pretty great I must say that! But I'm really unsure about this whole thing right now. I'm going to go for a massage on Wednesday and then see how I feel about continuing treatments with the Chiro next week. I'm just super nervous about it now and not really sure its for me.

Any who I need to get some work done.

The day after

I'm in so much pain it is not even funny! My whole body feels like it got ran over by a truck. I went to the Chiroprator and that help with my walking but my whole body still hurts like so much. I didn't go to work today because all I want to do is sleep and cry. On top of that my little friend inside me is having a great time kicking me and curling up in a ball all on one side of me which greatly hurts. Then it moves and I think that god until it's little feet push into my blatter and its little head into my ribs. Even better! Thank you little one I know I will love you but right now I do not like you very much.

I hope tonight I can sleep alright and tomorrow I wake up feeling better then today. I want to cry! OUCH ouch ouch ouch ouch! Future mom's to be be carful when you walk because trust me you do not want to feel like this!

Oh well sitting hurts back to the sofa to snuggle with my blanket and not be in so much pain. I think I might get some drugs tonight because this sucks balls! Happy Hump day to the rest of you.

LORD

So bare in mind I'm alright and the baby is alright before you ready this.

Today I fell, slipped rather, on mud in a parking lot. It tossed me pretty hard and just in case I went to the hospital to make sure everything was alright. Which they seem to think it is. Baby is moving, heart rate is good and I'm ok. Totally sore and fucked my back up worse then it was but other then that I'm ok. I go to the Chiro tomorrow agian so we will talk about what happend cause I'm pretty sore and don't want to really feel any worse.

Thankfully I didn't land on my tummy at all but man the hip that was hurting guess what it got today? A lovely suprise fall, fun times.

Any way just wanted to do a fast up date and complain cause I hurt and that was it. Time to go lay down and try to be comfy.

68 days and counting

Well I can't believe I have already started to keep track but I have 68 days till I'm due. I think I'm just ready to some day again be comfortable in my own body. That sad I have been in miles of pain my poor hips and back have been a force to be reckoned with. So I decided to take affirmative action and booked an appointment at the Chiropractor. Ok I know do freak out I'm pregnant and yes went for my first adjustment and I lived and the baby is fine, gasp!

So she only did a little bit of my lower back and hips yesterday because it was my first visit ever to a chiro and because all your ligaments are lose when your expecting so you have to be extra carful. She used this thing called an activator which looks like a big needle with no needle on the end but a blunt object. In some spots it really hurt! It was so sensitive at places that I really wanted to just get her away from me.

So after all was said and done I stood up and felt a little bit odd, went to my car and to sit down and feel a little bit sore. Then my foot started to go a little bit numb when I was driving and thought to myself "Oh god what have I done". Plus baby was not really moving around. So I'm driving thinking what a mistake and waste of money and why did I think it would help. Fast forward to sleeping, I get up twice a night generally to us the washroom, I have been having a hard time because my hips have been so stiff that it takes me a little bit to get to the bathroom. It out right hurts to get up in the morning. Last night I get in normal position to get up to the bathroom and get straight up no issue, I walk and everything moves naturally and this morning I was totally not a stiff as I am normally. I was ecstatic to say the least. Still baby not moving as much as it normally does at night but I'm not to concerned cause I'm not supposed to be counting yet.

So I go back Wednesday to have another adjustment and she is going to work up my back a little bit more, which I'm excited about because my mid back hurts like a bad word! So I will up date after that appointment to let everyone know how its going. I'm also going to do two or three massages. I think for sure one before and then two after or two before and one after. Just like the Chiro, I'm going to go after to put me back together. Plus its covered by benefits at work so why not use what I'm paying for, right?

My next OB appointment isn't until September 20 so nothing new there. I'm going to check out a possible new doctor this Friday, Family Doctor, at 7:15am in down town BOOO to that. Other wise not a lot going on. I think I'm going to motivate the man to help finish setting up the baby room, we have to go pick out flooring for the bathroom, and who knows what else.

Have a super day :)

Doctors Appointments

One thing is for sure I have way to many doctors apointments in the last two weeks alone I have been to 6 differnt people! In the next two weeks 3 differnt people, at least there is a decrease in numbers. Lord! One of the people next week might become my real full time family doctor so that is pretty exciting!

How is the baby? Growing! Hurting me! Kicking and Punching and head butting (at least thats what it feels like)! Oh and did I mention this child is stubborn already, it likes to hide its face in ultrasounds, 'swim' away from the doppler and move so that no one can see the things they need to see. Ladies and Gentlemen we have a live one on our hands, I think the future with this little one will be interesting to say the least. I'm going to have a crazy high energy stubborn Scorpio, fun times! The little one is on track with size, spastic with movement, and exhausting me so all is well in the world-o-baby.

This weekend I'm going to Toys-R-Us to by some stuff because they have some amazing deals. For example a snuggle for $15 and a change pad for $19 (we have one of these but its totally flat and the one on sale had two lips that cradle the little one which I think is a much better idea then flat!), they also have the thermometer that I want on sale for only $20!!!! WOOH great deal, look out toys-r-us here I come.

What else, we really need to start getting the house ready for baby, the room is only half set up and my man is renovating the bathroom. He also wants to get a carpet cleaner, and do all the floors. We need to install some safety stuff at some point and I need someone to come move things around in the house. Any takers? I was thinking of calling my mom but then I thought about that more and laughed to myself for thinking she would care and come out, yeah right.

Work is going well and I plan on working until November 5, I'm due November 17. I thought about working until the 12th but I'm not totally sure about that I think I'm going to want some time to just be with me because soon it will never again be just me. That’s a little bit scary but kind of exciting as well.

Oh its Friday also which is fantastic! Wooh weekend. I'm going to get a pedicure also :) fun times! But I should get to work before I'm late :)

Lovely Long weekends

Today we went to Banff, and it was a great day to be there, we walk around way to much for my likely right now but it was great I really got to take in more of the town. I didn't spend much money which was good to! We went to a crappy place for food and that kind of killed my happy vibe that I had going. But I saw the cutest winter hates all the people from Sesame Street :) Totally great!

What esle? I have another doctors appointment next week on Tuesday I guess I have to go every two weeks now. Oh I don't remember what happened when this did but I have to tell the world that I saw my man laugh so hard that coffee came out his noise :P How funny is that, I laughed so hard it was great. Any way the baby is there kicking and punching hanging out and has alittle more the two months left to grow and get ready to come into the world. Totally nuts!

This whole Labour thing scares that crap out of me! But I'm sure it will be fine, the man and I are going to take a class so hopefully that helps get us ready for what is to come. Any way I'm cold and sleepy its bed time! Night all.

Puppy Dreams

So this post will be about many different things but I first had to write about my dog, she has what we call puppy dreams. When she is sleeping she starts to make the littles tiny high pitched bark. Its not loud but its a little odd. She does it a few times and then her little paws start to go and move. Its the freaken cutests thing ever. I'm sure that will change once the baby comes and then the baby will have all kinds of the cutest thing ever moments but right now my puppy it so cute.

So its the man's birthday tomorrow and yesterday I took him on a train ride to a small town and we had an alright meal and walked around. I hope he liked it and that it was fun for himI wish we could have gone into the steam part I think that would have tickled him pink. Today I am trying to make him a cake it doesn't smell all that great but who knows maybe it tastes great, it still needs to be iced and what not but its done. At present I am cooking a whole chicken in the oven and am going to make it nice a juicy, will also cook some potatoes I think but not totall sure I totally don't want to cook anything else I'm tried! Between the cooking and the dishes I think I'm done for the night. I wish I had a onion or a lemon to put in the chicken but oh well I'm sure it will turn out just fine.

I have a feeling this week will last forever because next weekend is a long week!!! Woop three days off! Also I get to go back to the doctor so they can tell me how the baby is doing. Great I have to wait to hear how it doing, what a lame ass system, why can't they just tell me when I'm at the ultrasound? Like I know if something was totally wrong they would tell me but I'm totally a worring type person. It's moving around so thats good.

Baby is coming soon and there is some stuff that needs to get done before it comes. Any who I'm tried and I just want to go lay down to bad I have to keep an eye on that bird.

3 more months

Well it is 3 more months until my due date today and things are becoming more and more real as you can now feel the baby kick, but only if it really kicks hard and only in certain spots. I've been able to feel it for a while now but now someone just putting there hand on the spot would feel it. Plus I'm starting the planning for my replacement so that really makes things real. Its good to be planning because it allows me to set the persons objectives for the year I'm away. I love being the head of my department! Its kind of great to be controling all the items on the plan.

I have been feeling a little crappy the last few days I think I need more sleep or something. I have a few more days of work then the weekend but I'm going to try and sleep in. This Friday we are going to a fireworks show I just hope it is nice out. Its kind of a crappy day today and they are saying that tomorrow will be nice but then cloudy for the rest of the week :( Sucky!

I have two appointments next week and have to go for my second diabetes test casue the lady didn't time it right the first time and my blood was high by .2 LORD so now I have to sit there for 2 hours. Fun times. The amount of sugar in that drink they give you is totally crazy its more then some of the meals that I eat and they think that 40 mins will give the right results. Yeah right... well hopefully this time it works out better.

Any who I just thought I would do a little up date I'm pretty sleepy and not feeling 100% so I'm going to lay down.

Happy Friday the 13

Well I do not recall the last Friday the 13th but I know I don't like the movies, I remember my brother watching them and I was freaked out and still deal with the issues from this stupid movie. Thanks Bro :)

The bigger news is that it is in fact Friday and the weekend starts in an hour, tomorrow I don't get to sleep in though because I have to go get some blood work done, I hate blood work the people who poke you all poke you different and some suck ass at it and they hurt you. Others are great at it and it two seconds and over and you feel nothing, but its always a toss up. BOO! Needles in general suck balls!

Then we will clean the car out and maybe try to put the base in for the car seat. Fun times I'm sure. Then I have to figure out what we will do with the bed that is currently in babies room... no idea! Need 3 bedrooms that’s what!

I would for a moment like to talk about heart burn, why the hell do they call it that it has nothing to do with your heart it is in fact your guts that are burning and more so your esophagus that feels likes its on fire, so Gut Burn is more accurate. Any way I have had the WORST freaken gut burn for the past oh 5 days and I want to die, it sucks so much! It sucks to sit up, it sucks to lay down, it suck to eat, it just plan old Sucks the mighty sucky one! When will it go away? Why is it so bad? Lord!

Sleep, I need more sleep but I can't seem to get it things are starting to hurt at night and become more difficult when trying to be comfortable. Even at work its hard to become more and more to sit for the whole time, boo!

Speaking of work... back to it.

Hump Day

Firstly Happy Hump Day to one and all. Its officially the middle of the week and I have to say this week is flying by right now because I had so much stuff to catch up on. It was a bit crazy the amount of things that can and will go wrong well you are gone. Today my boss asked me if I could hold the baby in for an extra month, lol, I said I would try but its not up to me. I think they know how truly amazing I am at my job, she also told me I have to come back. So that’s a good sign. FYI 97 more days until my due date, its finally below 100 days that’s crazy! I can't believe I'm going to be a mom, parent...Nuts!

The man is home :) he came home not last night but the one before, in the middle of the morning hours (3:30am) I woke to a man standing over me, it freaked the crap out of me until I realized who it was then I was so happy, but then he woke me up and snored for an hour and half well I tried to get back to sleep! I was pissed at that, but still happy to have him home. Last night he started snoring again and I was ready to kill him but I still am happy to have him home. I missed him so much. Lord do I ever love that man, what a guy. I went home yesterday and he had moved a bunch of stuff also, that needed to be done, it was so nice to see and made me want to cry, but pretty much everything makes me want to cry right now, give it up for hormones :)

Any way this weekend will be busy full of blood work, farmers markets, and putting together changing table, also more work on the babies’ room as a general whole. Tomorrow I am going to the orchestra :) I love going its so great and I think he likes it too which makes me happy I'm glad we can share that together. Its also his birthday soon and I am planning on taking him on a steam train thru a valley and into a small town then dinner and back home. He knows this already because I asked him if I got this if he would like it and he said yes so that’s good. BUT they might not have a steam train! Its broken and they are trying to fix it but are unsure if it will be up and running by then. If its not he doesn't want to go. Sucks balls! I hope its working by then because I think that its a great way for use to celebrate his day together. This would take place a few days before his real birthday but on his real day I have a little surprise in store for him as well :) fun!

Well that said I should get back to work... Happy Hump Day!!!

Vacation

Vacation is good to take a break and my break has seemed to last forever. I think this is because my man is gone. I trully miss him and can't wait to have him home. My little bun in the oven has decided that it wants to move all the time! Like all the time but the most when I am trying to sleep. The other night it just kept going and going and going, I was thinking this is a sign of what is to come... fun times`

Things are going well I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow because I totally feel useless some times. For example today I have moved some things around that really I shouldn't be moving, done laundry, put away mail and cleaned and I have only been up for 2 hours. I finally got some sleep today! wooh! What for the rest of the day... shopping? put the clothing away, fix a bag I have, and that will take all of two more hours well then what the hell am I to do with myself. I'm getting worried about this year off thing all though I'm sure I will have lots to keep me busy with a baby and all but still I worry that I might go a tiny bit nuts.

What else? I miss my man, I want him home! I hope he is enjoying himself and having a great time off but I just miss him, and its so hard to fall asleep. blah

Any way I should get going lots of things I should do, but I need to remember pace myself.

First OB appointment

Well I have offically had my first OB appointment with the lady who might develier the baby. I say might because it could be any of the doctors at the clinic, but I hope its her I really like her, she was informative and kind.

Scary news: So I have a chronic illness, fun times it is what it is BUT because of this I might have increased chances of mortality, so here is the fun story I have to go to three other specialists before the baby comes.

1) Anesthesiologist - because I might not be able to have a epidural or a spinal tap (just in case I want these I have to go talk to them)

2) Geneticist - because they have to estimate the potential risk to the baby in the event I get to cold. (I told the doctor I'm pretty sure my body would break down to the point where the baby would die if that happened, but I guess there is more risk in having the epidural or a spinal tape and losing heat rather fast which put us both at risk, fun!)

3) High risk Specialized Doctor - because I'm at higher risk of many things so they want me to be informed (like I have not already read everything possible to be informed and some doctor will not scare the crap out of me more. thanks)

So all those things are a little intense to say the least it is not nice knowing that I have a increased risk of death because of all this, that’s kind of intimidating. But I have faith that it will be fine, I'm going to talk more about the risk of a c section at my next appointment because I don't want a c section recovery is hard and bad and I don't heal well all the time so I would rather not. I have read a lot about them and have a pretty good idea why they do them but I really would only want to go there if I for sure have to plus it puts me more at risk because I wont be able to tell if I'm to cold or there for if the baby is to cold. not ok!

Other wise the appointment was really good she talked about risk of high blood pressure and diabetes a lot but I know my body pretty well and I asked her to look at my blood work and blood pressure rates and she was like "wow you have great looking work, its perfect." I know! Thank you just because I am bigger does not mean that I am going to have those things happen, I am pretty healthy and I eat great right now and walk every day 3 times a day because I have a dog! I'm fine, I will be fine and its going to be fine! I just wish I could have some more support here. Someone who just had a child asked me if I have a support network and I laughed and said no not at all, and his face was like Oh my god girl, then he said "You are really going to want to work on that because it is hard at first" Great. All alone in the world, pretty normal, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Any way I should get to work before it gets to late in the day.

I'm offically Broke!

I have been fighting to get out of dept for a while now because in 7 months I would like to try to buy a new car and maybe some day a house, with a yard and a place to park my new car! I am offically broke today because I am almost totally out of the red! So bad but good. I only have to catch up on my student loan and then I'm golden. That might be a bit more difficult because I would have to make some big payments for the next oh 4 months but we will talk to the man about that tonight. We will see how it all pans out. I could maybe do it in less time if I deadicated more funds to the cause but we will have to see.

Things I am working towards:
1) New Computer
2) Becoming dept free! - at lest a few years away I would think. One piece of advise I would like to offer the world is in regards to sending your children to school to further there education. Help the pay for it! Help the save for it! Help them understand that paying off that big of a loan is a challenge when you are first trying to establish yourself in the world. I think if there is one thing I would like to do for my future little one is to start an education fund. Even if I could save a little every month for the next 18 years that could still be a big help because trust me, being in my situation sucks! $50 a month for the next 18 years is a little more then $10,000, with compound interest that could be more!
3) New Car - putting me back into dept more then likely but I don't think my car will last much longer I think at max its got two years before stuff really starts to go wrong on it so the car might wait until it can't wait any more but we will see how that all plays out.
4) House some day for sure putting me back into dept but for good reason. My child deserves a yard to play in, and so does my dog!

Any way thats my little list at the moment and I'm sure more will be added at some point but who knows when. I have my first OB appointment today, wish me luck :)

Way to much Sun!

So over the weekend I spent about 4 hours in the sun, not all at once but total. I think I might have gotten a small amount of heat exhaust. With sun burnt face and arms I'm pretty sure of it. I went to an out door down town event which was nice, but man did I ever get tired fast! I only walked half the event and was done, I think knowing I needed to walk back was part of it because I could have finished the whole thing but then going back might have killed me. It was 26 out at the time I was walking... a little to hot. Then I went out to have dinner at a park, in the middle of no where, with a friend.

Yesterday pissed me off to no end also. The man was suppose to come with me to all this and decided at the last minute he was not going to. THANKS yesterday when I got home I didn't talk to him at all except for a few yes and no's that was it. This morning I left with out a good bye or a kiss, and normally I love that in the morning but I am still and was so disappointed in him for not being considerate of me or what I wanted. We always do shit he wants to do and the one time I ask him to do something with me for me he doesn't end up coming. Well thank you and that is the last time I ask you for anything. I'm so mad that if this is a predictor of the future with him I'm ready to move out. I just don't want to be in something for no reason and I don't want to be in something and hate the other person for petty shit.

Any way I needed to vent that out and we will see how this all plays out. I don't think he is ready for all this and I think that I might be excepting more then I should be but it doesn't feel like I am so it makes it hard.

What else well work has been crazy today, I've been trying to finish this post since this morning and I'm just finishing. I'm sure I have more to say but I also only have 40 mins of work left and way to much to do!

Ouch!

Okay so my back is in so much pain today that I want to cry, and the worse part is that this is just going to keep going for the next 3 month 26 days at the earliest! Thats right I am going to be a mom in 117 days! Which in the grand plan in not a whole lot of time, also I shouldn't be counting down yet it seems a bit early but I know it will fly by.

I am going on vacation soon, going any where... nope staying home more then likely and just maybe starting to set up the baby room... CRAZY! You know I've always wanted to be a mom I think it is one of the single most amazing things that a person can do, being a parent in general its truly amazing. But man I'm totally freaked out, the thought that after all this I'm going to souly be responsible for a little tiny person is a little overwhilming to say the least. Also I'm starting to get all the scary stores now, like 42 hours of labor and barfing and having to have C-sections and lord it goes on and on, totally tarafing. I'm still looking forward to being a mom but I am just feeling like its a bit much. Plus I have no one here to help me. Like what if my man can't get to the hospital there is no one else to call cause they are all far away.

What if I need help, I would be lieing to myself if for one second I thought my mother would be coming here to help me in the begining. So its totally alone, I have delt with the feeling of abandonment my whole life because my parents aren't very involved and never have been involved really at all in my life. The truly have no clue who I am and this becomes more and more evedent all the time when I talk to them. I don't want to feel totally alone in this part of my life and I don't but I just am really worried that something will prevent me from having someone there for me.

Any way I totally need to get some stuff done but I wanted to take a minute to update and let all the people know I'm alive.

Oh I take forever to post

So it again has been a super long time since the last time I took a moment to write. There are many new things in my world at the moment, just moved in with the man which is going much better then it was the first few days! Thank GOD!
Pro's
1) No more packing an over night bag
2) All my stuff is there which makes me feel more comfortable
3) I awlays have someone to snuggle with
4) Endless hugs
5) Just nice

Con's
1) My trip to work has incressed by 20 minutes!
2) He is a bed hog and a blanket theff!
3) No more freedom :P
4) Picking up after someone else!!!! err that needs to be nipped in the bud
5) Growing pains

What else.... that makes this situation even more fun, I'm going to have a baby! Thats right ladies and gentelmen I am pregent. LORD! Which makes me cranky and sore and just want to cry almost all the freaken time. Its stupid. So one thing for you ladies that think this baby crap is all sun shine and flowers. A little FYI pregancy sucks balls! This is what they don't tell you.

They don't tell you that your risk of stuff increases ten fold, or that your feet will swell beond recognition, or that your tummy gets hairy (gross), or that sometimes all you want is to cry, or that you feel like you will never be the same again or any of the bad stuff. I miss being me and feeling some control over my thoughts, emotions and having a memory! I would kill for a beer and a smoke but I cant do that because this little tresetal being has taken up residenace in my womb (Theres a word I didn't think I would use before). All the sudden everything becomes about how is the baby? How are you feeling? You look great and glowing and BLAH and no longer how are you? Accompanied by regluar converstation. LORD

Any way thats life at the moment I sure once the little bundle arrives I will feel differently about all this crap but at present I just want to be myself again. Please don't get me wrong I think being a parent is one of the single most greatest things someone can do but fuck man I just want to be indepent again with no worries and all the oppotions and I think I'm just having some growing pains around that I am ageing and that scares the crap out of me because the more I age the closer the end of all this there is and I just don't feel like I have the time to do all the amazing things I am meant to do. It just all seems a bit sureal at the moment.

Thats all for now I will try and get better at this posting thing. I keep saying that but it never seems to happen.

Sadness

Hey world,

So today my grandfather died, from a heart attack, he was walking away from the hospital and it happened in the parking lot. How sad. But I bet he was totally loanly because my Grandma pasted away in 2006. Wow its almost been 4 years, and I miss her so much she was such a fun little old lady. Always saying some day you'll be able to tell me how crazy I am. Crazy like a fox and fun. I think what makes me the sadest is that his death reminds me of her's and I loved her. Him not as much he was my grandpa and my dads dad and he brought my dad into the world so for that I'm pretty happy about but yeah not the best guy ever. LONG STORY!!!

Any way so now I will be going home sooner then planned which is ok but sad. The worst part I think will be if I have to go to there house. There is still so much of grams there and that will be really hard. My boyfriend asked if I wanted him to come and I would love that but only if her truly wants to be there for me. Other wise I think he should stay away from this whole situation. Fuck its going to be hard to see my brother and my dad in tears. I think that part makes me cry the most.

Any way blah its been a hard day because I am super stupidly emotional. Tomorrow we are talking about heart attacks and ADE's and CRP and all that jazz and well that might be a little bit hard because well it didn't save gramps so how the fuck is it going to save someone else? BLah okay so the boss might need to know that I will maybe have to leave the room. Stupid hormorns setting me off like crazy lately. blah god, alrighty any way I just needed to vent I think I will be ok I hope the weather gets better cause I'll be driving home.

Thats it for tonight. tear - I really need to tell the people in my life that I love them and chairsh the moments I have with them because you never really know when its all going to end. So I love you, my family I love you I love you Ilove you all more then you know. My friends I miss you and love you.

Any way thats all for to night.

Good night

Update Needed

Well I thought it was due time that I updated and now I sit here with very little to write. I feel blank. Hmm I feel sick and I'm really wishing I could talk normally again. I'm so sick and tired of sounding like I do I miss my cute loving voice! SUCKS!!!! Also you know what else sucks feeling nauseous all the freaking time! That and heart burn. Lord I'm not really sure about all this any more ether.

It a little bit freaked out about the situation that I have gotten myself into. Its totally scary and a little bit larger then I think I really am ready for. I'm sure most people at some point in there life think this way but man I'm really not sure about all this. There are so many what if's and so much doubt its just a bit hard to handle. Also I still haven't faced the worse yet. The parents. Lord

Any way that is enough of that less people figure out what I'm talking about, not really ready to announce it to the world.

What else is going on, well work is work its never ending and really I am not so overjoyed there at the moment but its just because I don't feel challenged at all! This job is stupid easy, I mean really there are some brains in doing it but it is totally not my lifes work and that kills me a little bit ever day. I really need to be doing something more with my talents. I'm to good at other stuff for this to be it.

Blah any way this was not meant to be a bitch session or a down boohoo look how hard done by I am thing I was just meant to update. Its Easter weekend... Happy Easter, and I volunteered to cook Easter Dinner for my man and his friends. Not a smart idea mainly because I feel like ass lately and his friend is a cook for a living, so not smart. I pray that it all tastes good.

Any way I'm totally not into writing right now. Until next time and hopefully a more upbeat post!

Does the exhaust ever end?

So over the past few days I have been the most tried person ever! I don't think that have ever been so exhausted my body is totally working in over time these days! Any way what else work goes alright, the man is still fantastic and I am totally crazy about him! And I'm tried, lol always tried I wonder when this stops?

I need to file my taxes and I'm not totally sure I remember how to online so I have to call the people tomorrow and figure that out so I can get that taken care of. I might have to start looking for a new place to live, that's always fun! But that will be decided soon I would think. Within the next few months for sure any way.

Oh well its day light savings today and I feel like I have slept the day away! I had a 3 hour "nap" and slept well last night and I think in less then an hour I will be in bed. How crazy!

Any way I'm off :)

Spring is in the air

Well it is March and it feels like April. It has been sunny and lovely for the past few weeks! This makes me a little concerned.... why you might ask. Well it is because the snow in our country is getting less and less. Less snow means less water. Less water means dry crops, lower food source and less water for people...which is very bad because it could cause death. Now industrialized countries have not a lot to worry about yet however other countries that have more poverty and less resources they are at more risk. So here is were it gets scary in my mind, in these countries a lot of people die every day already which increase the disease in the countries and eventually the spared of disease causing higher death tolls around the world. So if there is less water in the world causing more death which there for causes disease which can spared then the total death rate will increase drastically world wide. Which will eventually come to our wonderful industrial countries.

Alright so that's that! On with other topics that will not cause people to loss sleep at night. I can only hope that someone is losing sleep over that factor and trying to think of how we correct it. But it might be to late... Any way I've been sleeping well lately why because my boyfriends parents are in town and he can't sleep here when they are in town. But I was introduced to the parents. They are nice people I just hope they liked me. Now I just have to get him back to my home town to meet mine... cause they will never come here.

What else oh I have a bitch moment so his parents are in town because it was his dad's brothers 60 birthday party. He and I were walking on the phone and he was saying that he was about to go to this party and I say oh thats were it is thats nice. Then he says "why are you coming?" I say are you asking and he says no I'm not ready for that. WHAT THE HELL okay so I know this is totally a little thing but don't say something like that if you are going to follow it up with the comment her made. I'm totally cool with him not being ready to introduce me to his whole family but like don't ask that. Lord Tip to men: Do not do stupid shit like that.

Any who I'm going to go return some movies and then I think to the flee market. Woop

What a guy!

Alright so I need to take a small break from work to tell you all about something that happened last night. So my boyfriend is pretty great as a general whole because he is kind, silly, and makes me laugh. Last night after a long day of me working he came to my house and cooked dinner. He made some potatoes in the oven and I bite into one and said "to hot" and he starts laughing and says "cool and the gang".

Gets up runs to the computer and you tubes this song, that I am a bit to young to even know. He plays it we eat and he just laughs. We are now in the living room by the computer and he says one more time. Then grabs my arm and dances with me in the living room, I was totally just amazed by him. What a lovely man, what a lovely thing for him to do. I wonder if he has any idea how sweet that was or how much he just made me melt. Goodness Me I'm totally crazy about him!

Any way back to work cause thats what I get paid for but I just had to share that!

Baking Goddess!

I have not baked in a while and my boyfriend had a bunch of apples in his house going bad so he asked me to do something with them. So I took about 15 and now have one large Apple Crisp and Two Apple Cream Pies (currently cooking 5 minutes left).

So the Apple Crisp looks so good and smells amazing! The Apple Cream pie is a first and a new recipe! It looks really good right now. But I'm a little torn about it we will see how it tastes tomorrow. After they are done I am going over to my mans house with the Apple Crisp.

Oh and Happy Valentines Day! We spent yesterday together cause he had to work today. There where some moments that were really good. I am totally smitten with him so anything would have been wonderful to me. I was just totally happy to be hanging out with him. We talked more about the moving in thing and he now seems to thing that it to soon. I think he is just a little scared about all that but who knows so I'm moving up the third flour by the sounds of things woop! Well half woop I am ready to risk great to get greatness! Any who that's all for tonight, I'm going to check on my pies.

Good night to all! :)

15 mins left of work

Ok so I have nothing to do for 15 mins so I thought I would make myself sound busy by typing and what better way then up dating the good old blog.

Whats new:
- I'm in dept and I hate it! lol Thats not new but its become more and more real so thats why I'm writting about it.

- I'm ready to move to a less expensive city but my whole world is here!

- I'm crazy about my man....also not new but hasn't changed, he drives me a little nuts sometimes but all in all hes super great and we are still that couple. lol

- I'm tried all the time! Also not new but an announcment to the world non the less

Thats it really. Nothing all that exciting just life as per the same. Its high time to try a new recipt so I might have to get on that for tomorrow night. Will see.... ok 10 mins left now I think I can pack it up :P

February...

Well its been a little while since I last wrote so I thought an update was needed. It is February and I am feeling oh so crancky and over emotional! Its like lighten hit me and all the sudden I'm this girl who crys over the littlest things, and gets upset for no reason and god someone needs to just make this all stop!

I think tonight I will go for a long walk with the dog and try and walk the stress off, I'm not really sure what the stress is but its there and its burning inside me saying "hit people, hard you will feel better!" Now as much as I think that sounds great it is no not right to smake random people or any one for that matter.

Last night I was so unset because I felt like someone wasn't listening to me, and they were not cause they asked me to repeat what I was saying three times! ERR I felt so mad I cried, what the hell is that? God! Save me from my crazy self. But as is life things cool off and slowly go away and I'm not as upset as I was but I'm still a little cheesed off about it all and just wish they would have listened. What was I trying to say. That I felt like they were holding back, only giving part information and then saying I'll tell you the rest some other time or in a week. DON'T TELL ME SOMETHING AND NOT FINISH IT! AHHHH

Thats really what I need to say is if you want to talk to me say all of what you want to say not just half. And if I ask you something that you are not comfortable talking about with me just yet, just say that! How hard is that? okay so the emotional crazy is because of this and because I'm just not feeling myself today or yesterday... boo!

On side note things are still going well at work, I'm amazing and everyone sees that, its nice to be apperciated for the things I do. I'm still totally crazy about the man even if her drives me a little nuts. I might be moving up to the third floor at the end of the month!!!! WOOP for a belcony, how exciting! I really hope I get to move up I HATE living on the bottom floor. Maybe thats why I'm crazy no natural light for the past year. LORD! Oh and its offically been a year that I have lived where I am, thats crazy! Even more crazy I've lived in this city for four years now! It seems like just yesterday... no thats not true at all it feels like a life time ago that I was back in BC. But life was so differnet, life is so different things have totally changed here, I've changed, I've grown, I've become (normally) a really amazing person here. I mean I was good before but damn I'm good now :P hahah Oh yes and I can ring my own freaken bell after the last two days I've had.

Any way I'm totally at work and need to get back to writing more policies and procedures, and stratigic planning. Lord gross I'm totally one of those people... barf! :P

sleepy!

Its only 9:00pm and I am officially sleepy! Also I slept until like 10:30am... what the heck! Okay so things are going well these days other then feeling totally burnt out today its all good. The stop smoking plan is going good, I still totally have my hard moments like right now, I want to break down and buy a pack but I'm not going to cause its just a waste of money and its killing me.

So last night my lovely man and I went the philharmonic Orchestra to see Dvorak's Heroic Cello. Its one of his more famous pieces of work the Cello Concerto in B minor, The man who was playing the solo was so brilliant! He moved me to tears because it was totally amazing. It was the boyfriends first performance ever! I hope he liked it, this was something really special to share with him as I do not share that love of the arts with many people, but it is truly something I love and hope that I can share in a relationship.

Tomorrow night I am going to sleep over at this house and try the drive in the morning to see how it goes. Glup! I'm totally nervous about this, but also kind of excited because I think that it is a very promising start to something wonderful. He is wonderful and makes me light up.

Any way enough of that. I'm exhausted and am heading to bed! sweet dreams to all

Oh yeah and a photo of Lake Louise

Remember to just Breath

Okay So today is day 3 of the quite smoking plan... how the plan works, STOP SMOKING! Duh ... And at current I am going F*ing nuts cause all I can think about is smoking, all I want is a smoke this is the most god offal feeling in the whole world. To all those people out there in the world thinking about starting to smoke DONT! It is the stupidest thing you can ever do! Why because you will Love it, you will love it so much that you will do it over almost everything. It is a sick addiction and it sucks when you quit if you can quit, cause its evil you think just one little puff couldn't hurt its just to get me buy this moment cause I need it.... NO NO NO NO NO Do not ever smoke save yourself the evil little demon that is now controlling my life and don't do it!

It all I can think about and I think tomorrow it might be a bit easier but I really doubt it they say the third day is the worst well you know what I truly hope it is! Because this sucks balls, big hair ugly balls!

Anyway on to something else.... I'm totally crazy about this man he is just wonderful... and I think we are talking about living together. So I know that might be a little bit fast but we spend every moment possible together now and he is practically living here so it makes scene for us just to live together. But here is the scary part of this... what if it doesn't work out? I move me and my dog in and it doesn't work out and I have to find another place that allows dogs... Very hard to do. If we move in together and it doesn't work out then not only do I loss my place but I loss my boyfriend.... scary! I'm not alone any more... how is this a negative? Well I have grow to love my free time, and my alone time, I really enjoy having time to myself and this would mean having to consider someone else ALL THE TIME! Oh yeah I forgot to mention TRAFFIC! So at current I live about 5 mins from work.. which is awesome! But moving in with him would mean I would be moving way far away from work! SUCKS

Plus side, we are living together and no much changes because we spend all our extra time together now only there is not two sets of everything, which would be nice. Living right next to a park! How lovely just to go for walks and enjoy nature I think that would be nice. I'm kind of falling for the guy and to be with him would be totally joyful and great!

Oh I don't know... when is it to soon to move in with your other? I'm going to go shopping cause I need to not be at home where I could smoke if I wanted to I need to be somewhere that is NON SMOKING all the time cause right now I feel like I'm going to break.

Alright thats all night all